The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[Cudzoziemiec]

Absolute top classic! POTD and FDOTY!

[Wowbagger]

So I’m doing Lôn Las Cymru for a break, and it lashed it down last night/today.

Hanging tent & all out in tonight’s B&B to dry, I just nipped into the corridor to check the gloves on the rad...*click*...Oh FUCK...

There I am, stark bolock naked, in a corridor, with a locked door between me and my belongs....

Had to borrow a towel from another guest, walk 200m across Rhayader to the pub, and sit in the bar for 10 minutes waiting for the manager to turn up and find the master key, whilst nonchalantly drinking a pint...then walk back.

Good job nobody knows me round here and I have no sense of embarrassment 😁

You could have doubled up with a skinny dip in the Wye...

[Mr Larrington]

“Perfect timing,” thought Mr Larrington as he emptied the last of the jar of Brown Drink into his mug yesterday, “for tomorrow I shall visit Mr Sainsbury’s House of Toothy Comestibles, wherein a fresh jar of same may be obtained in exchange for ready money”.

Mr Larrington’s demeanour now is rather like that of one who, picking daisies on the railway, has just caught the down express in the small of the back, having failed utterly to realise that finishing the Brown Drink on a Sunday means no Brown Drink on Monday unless he goes shopping before being properly caffeinated, and has to make do with tea instead.

Bah!

[Beardy]

Tea is a much more civilised way to start one’s day.

[TheLurker]

“Perfect timing,” thought Mr Larrington as he emptied the last of the jar of Brown Drink...

I can thoroughly recommend the services of a good Quartermaster.  MrsLurker has such things under excellent control that, short of a complete breakdown in the food supply chain - which could never happen in somewhere as well governed as Britain - oh... wait..., hang on a mo..., oh well, anyway, as I was saying, there is always a replacement jar of instant brown drink and packet of *proper* ground brown drink to hand.

[chrisbainbridge]

Almost:  I was packing the bike into its box to go travelling.  All complete and locked up ready to go.  30 minutes later I went back to the garage for a bottle of wine to go with our meal and found saddle and seat post on top of the wine fridge.  It is now in the bike box.

[ElyDave]

“Perfect timing,” thought Mr Larrington as he emptied the last of the jar of Brown Drink...

I can thoroughly recommend the services of a good Quartermaster.  MrsLurker has such things under excellent control that, short of a complete breakdown in the food supply chain - which could never happen in somewhere as well governed as Britain - oh... wait..., hang on a mo..., oh well, anyway, as I was saying, there is always a replacement jar of instant brown drink and packet of *proper* ground brown drink to hand.

Kanban system in hand, minimum stock level of unground brown drink beans is established, based on expected time to consume.

[Paul]

Almost:  I was packing the bike into its box to go travelling.  All complete and locked up ready to go.  30 minutes later I went back to the garage for a bottle of wine to go with our meal and found saddle and seat post on top of the wine fridge.  It is now in the bike box.

Phew.
Spawny git thread needed?

[ElyDave]

fitting new raceblades to the recumbent (always fun as the front and rear are swapped and the boom-fork-stay arrangemenet at the front is a PITA > I was focussing on positioning on the fork and fouling of the chainline, got the rubber attachments sorted, now to check the run-out for any fouling of the tyre

Odd, wheel won't move.  That's a lot of fouling, back in the stand, peer at the clearance, all looks OK, tweak it anyway.

That's when I notice that I've pulled the rubber strap around a spoke as well - I thought it felt a bit tight 

[Wowbagger]

I'm shocked to hear that the ingredients for a Caffeinating Brown Drink that is Entirely Not Tea can be obtained from a jar.

[Beardy]

I'm shocked to hear that the ingredients for a Caffeinating Brown Drink that is Entirely Not Tea can be obtained from a jar.

This is why it is referred to as brown drink!

[Mr Larrington]

Indeed.  It is important to differentiate Coffee and Brown Drink as, irrespective of what it may say on the jar of the latter, they are Not The Same Thing At All.  Anyone who claims otherwise works in advertising.

[Kim]

Coffee-shaped-object, innit.

[robgul]

Got the pub bike out to swap the rear wheel round (flip-flop hub) to run as fixed rather than freewheel - apart from having to let the tyre down to get the wheel in the frame, no problem . . . until I went to turn the pedals and got a very strange jumpin sensation on the sprocket (front chainring is a 3/32 but that's fine for a hack pub bike).

Ooops -  3/32 chain doesn't run on a 1/8 fixed sprocket . . .  off to the LBS to get a BMX chain . . . amazed to get a Shimano branded/boxed chain for £7.99 while a KMC was about £16.

The wheel had been on the old Claud that I had as a fixed before I swapped that to an SA 3 speed fixed (that bike was sold about 18 months ago) - hence fitting a 3/32 chain from my stock when setting up the freewheel.

[andrewc]

Got the blue bike out for a ride to the parents for Sunday lunch.  Pump the rear tyre up.   Check that there is life in the B&M battery front light & fit a backup exposure light on the bars,  just in case. 


Getting ready to set off I notice that it's got no pedals....    I'd swapped them onto another beast.   Grab a pair from the spares box & fit them. 


Journey home.  Press the switch on my faithful , previously tested Lumotec....   dead.     

[T42]

Speaking of B&M, the dynamo buffer battery I put in a cupboard after PBP 2015 hasn't been used since and is probably dead.  I've been thinking of putting it back in circuit and running my GPS off it through the dark winter days.  A new one is - gulp - 85€. I thought they were about 30€.

[Cudzoziemiec]

Tea is a much more civilised way to start one’s day.

I second this cuppa.

Indeed.  It is important to differentiate Coffee and Brown Drink as, irrespective of what it may say on the jar of the latter, they are Not The Same Thing At All.  Anyone who claims otherwise works in advertising.

And this one.

[andrewc]

Appropriate turn to the thread.   I woke up after a bad nights sleep & decided I needed coffee.      Ground some beans,   filled my trusty Clever Dripper and then knocked it over.   Hot water & coffee grounds all over the bench & kitchen floor & I've no kitchen roll. 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASke7Z4KO9Q

[T42]

Done that with an Aeropress. Didn't have the plunger sufficiently engaged, pressed a bit squint and it came apart in the middle.  Hot water and grounds all over the place, including my belly.

[Beardy]

I had cereal for my breakfast and used the last of the milk. I’m going to have to drink coffee until I get to the shop.

[rafletcher]

Done that with an Aeropress. Didn't have the plunger sufficiently engaged, pressed a bit squint and it came apart in the middle.  Hot water and grounds all over the place, including my belly.

We were staying at a "luxury" B&B in, IIRC, Hereford. My wife ordered coffee for breakfast, that came in a caffetiere.  When she attempted to depress the plunger, it at fist stuck, then very rapidly unstuck, with coffee spurting over the table. "Oh, they all do that" sayeth mine host

[ian]

Once forgot to put the filter bucket into the coffeebot, so she highlighted her displeasure by spluttered hot liquid and coffee grounds in some quantity off over herself, the worktop, down the cupboards and onto the floor. If there's one thing worse than coming down to no coffee in the morning, it's having to mop the kitchen and worktops in order to prepare coffee.

[T42]

Speaking of B&M, the dynamo buffer battery I put in a cupboard after PBP 2015 hasn't been used since and is probably dead.

And dead it is.  I put it in circuit & gave the wheel a spin: light stayed off. Battery out of circuit & spin again, light comes on.  Oh well.

[ElyDave]

Once forgot to put the filter bucket into the coffeebot, so she highlighted her displeasure by spluttered hot liquid and coffee grounds in some quantity off over herself, the worktop, down the cupboards and onto the floor. If there's one thing worse than coming down to no coffee in the morning, it's having to mop the kitchen and worktops in order to prepare coffee.

This one is my dad's - Elderberry wine, freshly bottled, and "a bit lively". Bottles horizontal on top of the kitchen cupboard, watching TV "pop, whoosh".... "pop, whoosh".

Investigate to find a purple streaked ceiling and spreading pool on the kitchen floor.   

I always let my elderberry stand a day or so upright after that experience.

[pcolbeck]

Have always been a little puzzled by the speed of light and time compression for space travel thing. Since speed is relative I never got why the return trip couldn't be considered that the rocket was stationary and the earth moving towards it very quickly so cancelling out the differences in time. It came up again in a book I was reading the other day. The next book I started on was Paradoxes by the physicist and TV presenter Jim Al-Khalili.
So I had a peek at his web site and there was a "contact me" button. So I did and asked him about speed of light thing and space travel thing, I also mentioned I was reading his book and enjoying it. Didn't really expect any answer.

Amazingly next morning I had an email from him. It said:

Its not a symmetrical thing as the acceleration and deceleration undertaken by the spaceship and not the earth breaks the symmetry. By the way this is covered extensively in chapter 8 of my book which you are reading ...

Pat slaps head ....

Nice of him to reply though.

.