i'm thinking about starting a topic later

[Mrs Pingu]

Mmm. I like Topics. Haven't had one for years.

[robgul]

Please, please don't start a topic . . .

Mother of God, he has.

[ian]

This thread reminded me of:

What has a hazelnut in every bite.

Squirrel sh!t!

The other punchline regarding nut based confectionery popular in the 80s, involved removing peanuts from parts of your nether regions

This reminds me of a girl in my sixth form, who once-upon-a-time after a Barcadi Breezer too many inadvertently revealed to a large audience (i.e. more than the two people involved) the bedroom game she played with her boyfriend and the contents of a tube of Smarties.

[rogerzilla]

I once shared a flat in Birmingham with a guy who worked for Ford Motor Credit.  One day, it was a cow-orker's birthday so they all went to the pub for lunch.

The birthday girl had 14 double vodkas, stood up, called for quiet in the pub, announced, "MY BOYFRIEND'S SPERM TASTES OF HAZELNUTS!" and promptly passed out. 

Jared was the colleague chosen to sit in A&E all afternoon while she had her stomach pumped.

[citoyen]

True to form, Mr Z. Not the dogging story promised but it’ll do.

[Kim]

Righty tighty, leftie loosie.

Never gets old: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTopVi1hVVM

[ian]

I once shared a flat in Birmingham with a guy who worked for Ford Motor Credit.  One day, it was a cow-orker's birthday so they all went to the pub for lunch.

The birthday girl had 14 double vodkas, stood up, called for quiet in the pub, announced, "MY BOYFRIEND'S SPERM TASTES OF HAZELNUTS!" and promptly passed out. 

Jared was the colleague chosen to sit in A&E all afternoon while she had her stomach pumped.

I'm fairly sure that blowjobs would be a lot more popular if it tasted like Nutella.

[ian]

I'd decided to stand down the topic. But only for tonight. I don't think I can top hazelnut blowjobs and a vagina seeded with Smarties. But it's good to have a goal.

[Jaded]

This thread reminded me of:

What has a hazelnut in every bite.

Squirrel sh!t!

The other punchline regarding nut based confectionery popular in the 80s, involved removing peanuts from parts of your nether regions

This reminds me of a girl in my sixth form, who once-upon-a-time after a Barcadi Breezer too many inadvertently revealed to a large audience (i.e. more than the two people involved) the bedroom game she played with her boyfriend and the contents of a tube of Smarties.

I'm hoping they didn't use the brown ones.

They'd be very difficult to find.

[Beardy]

Righty tighty, leftie loosie.

Hmm, not always as Qg found out yesterday.

[geraldc]

Should you ever need to identify smarties and you have limited light or no vision, remember, orange smarties taste of orange. However, now that you have identified that you have an orange smartie in your mouth what are you planning to do with it you freaking pervert? Are you planning to give it someone to get the taste of several loads of Nutella out of their mouth? The orange oils might be quite beneficial in that aspect.

[Gattopardo]

I'd decided to stand down the topic. But only for tonight. I don't think I can top hazelnut blowjobs and a vagina seeded with Smarties. But it's good to have a goal.

Post of the day?

[Gattopardo]

This thread reminded me of:

What has a hazelnut in every bite.

Squirrel sh!t!

The other punchline regarding nut based confectionery popular in the 80s, involved removing peanuts from parts of your nether regions

This reminds me of a girl in my sixth form, who once-upon-a-time after a Barcadi Breezer too many inadvertently revealed to a large audience (i.e. more than the two people involved) the bedroom game she played with her boyfriend and the contents of a tube of Smarties.

Using smarties show that this was a while ago, as nower days it would be M&M or minstrals.

[ian]

Should you ever need to identify smarties and you have limited light or no vision, remember, orange smarties taste of orange. However, now that you have identified that you have an orange smartie in your mouth what are you planning to do with it you freaking pervert? Are you planning to give it someone to get the taste of several loads of Nutella out of their mouth? The orange oils might be quite beneficial in that aspect.

I don't know about orange, but from the point of the reveal onwards, someone only had to utter the word Smartie and she'd turn raspberry red. I figured this happened about eight times a day for her remaining year in sixth form.

[rogerzilla]

Green M&Ms acquired a reputation for being aphrodisiacs.  Inevitably, a special shaggers' edition was released in 2008, containing solely the green ones.

[ian]

I'm sure the medics will agree with me, but I'm minded that confectionary shouldn't be used as a pessary. Equally, they shouldn't be administered as a suppository, that's not why they call it the Hershey Highway.

That's said, I don't remember if I shared the chocolate dildo story, this being a family-friendly forum and all.

[Jaded]

"I shared the chocolate dildo" story

Be very careful when sharing a chocolate dildo.

[rogerzilla]

I heard/read a story about a couple who used a Twix (well, one finger of a Twix, which should be called a Unix).  To their horror, it disappeared completely.  After a frantic wait while they debated whether to go to A&E, it re-emerged, in biscuit-only form.

[geoff]

I logged on to look for cartridge hub recommendations, but soon had to disconnect from my work VPN...

[ian]

I heard/read a story about a couple who used a Twix (well, one finger of a Twix, which should be called a Unix).  To their horror, it disappeared completely.  After a frantic wait while they debated whether to go to A&E, it re-emerged, in biscuit-only form.

I remember one of those stupid clickbaity Metro stories where a chap (allegedly) misplaced a phallic-shaped object in his lady friend's fundament, and then sought to retrieve it with barbecue tongs. I suspect that was revelatory to anyone who'd recently attended any barbecues he'd hosted.

Anyway, chocolate dildo. When you have a big brown stain on your skirt, it's a marginal improvement to explain 'no, it's chocolate.' I understand the female of the species is sartorially deprived of pockets, but still, no gentleman wants to find himself second-bested by a confectionary product.

[quixoticgeek]

I remember one of those stupid clickbaity Metro stories where a chap (allegedly) misplaced a phallic-shaped object in his lady friend's fundament, and then sought to retrieve it with barbecue tongs. I suspect that was revelatory to anyone who'd recently attended any barbecues he'd hosted.

Anyway, chocolate dildo. When you have a big brown stain on your skirt, it's a marginal improvement to explain 'no, it's chocolate.' I understand the female of the species is sartorially deprived of pockets, but still, no gentleman wants to find himself second-bested by a confectionary product.

Getting undressed the other day i discovered an area of my breasts had gone a rather bright and distressing green. I was a bit perplexed, until I found the remains of the green M&M in my bra... Guess it had fallen down their when eating on the bike earlier.

J

[rogerzilla]

Under-boob mould is apparently A Thing, in the absence of other comestible-based evidence.

ian - you really didn't need to think of a subject for your topic, did you?

[Zipperhead]

I'm sure the medics will agree with me, but I'm minded that confectionary shouldn't be used as a pessary. Equally, they shouldn't be administered as a suppository, that's not why they call it the Hershey Highway.

That's said, I don't remember if I shared the chocolate dildo story, this being a family-friendly forum and all.

A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play. As it were...

[rogerzilla]

So Marianne Faithfull said.

[PeteB99]

Except that that story was untrue.