It's going to happen to some of us (I have a list, let me know if you want me to check for your name). The demons downtown in Hell put a lot of thought into the torments and tortures, that's their key to job satisfaction. There's nothing so heartwarming as a damned soul screaming through a well-deserved punishment. Higher and higher. High fives all around. The days of hot pokers up the jacksie are over, it turned out that too many of the damned were actually enjoying it. These days, even an entry-level demon has to be a bit more creative.
As mentioned, Finestre, for instance, invented the open plan office (long before we did, our version is a modestly good copy) as a method of efficient mass torment. There's a lot of backflow from Hell. Sometimes it's useful to think of our little provincial human realm as the beta version of Hell. They test many of their ideas here. Microsoft Windows. Ugg boots. The Conservative Party. Mrs Brown's Boys. Chatham on closing time on a Friday night. The NRA.
Now obviously, killing people is wrong – even if they deserve it – so we shouldn't hasten the process (and if you do, they key is good planning, my friends – a good plan and they'll never find the body). But it's quite possible to submit damnation requests for people you really don't like and quite frankly have it coming. Take our faithless group mascot, Priti Patel (Hell doesn't want her, but since her soul already claimed asylum there, unless they find a subclause, they'll have to take her, Hell is curiously more honest than the Home Office). Shouldn't she be damned to an eternity of immigration paperwork that is forever incomplete and applications that are eternally unsuccessful, forever in the status of standing by and watching herself be deported. Honestly, that one isn't rhetorical, it's already waiting. Fuck it, they'll throw in a few hot pokers on the off-chance.
You have my permission to damn someone. Go on it's satisfying. Even if it's only in your head. People annoying you? Oh, really. It's good to have connections – not to mention an apartment – in Hell.
