Author Topic: more insane management speak phrases (Read 145253 times)

Andrij · « **Reply #175 on:** 20 March, 2012, 01:29:39 pm »

Quote from: Clare on 20 March, 2012, 12:45:21 pm

It's rather worrying that they have created a phrase with a TLA of IRA.

Or am I just showing my age?

Individual Retirement Account, I assume?

Clare · « **Reply #176 on:** 20 March, 2012, 02:09:29 pm »

Something like that.

Although I suppose they did "retire" a few individuals...

iddu · « **Reply #177 on:** 21 March, 2012, 03:24:49 pm »

Quote from: fuzzy on 20 March, 2012, 11:00:29 am

...have decided to align their Information Risk Appetites to the AdvisoryBody category of ‘Cautious’.

So...dumbed down, or hardened up? Doesn't tell you anything relevant about how it's going to screw over your access

Palinurus · « **Reply #178 on:** 26 June, 2012, 08:06:37 pm »

I went to an onboarding presentation the other day.

I'm not sure why; it's not like it would've been difficult to go home sick.

PaulF · « **Reply #179 on:** 26 June, 2012, 08:11:45 pm »

From our team meeting;

"I don't know what's happening with the takeover but it's good news"

and no, he isn't party to confidential information but trying to drop subtle hint, merely clueless

Pancho · « **Reply #180 on:** 26 June, 2012, 08:15:32 pm »

Quote from: Palinurus on 26 June, 2012, 08:06:37 pm

I went to an onboarding presentation the other day.

Is that like waterboarding but with powerpoint?

jogler · « **Reply #181 on:** 26 June, 2012, 08:19:15 pm »

onboarding is onna boat,is it not?

ian · « **Reply #182 on:** 26 June, 2012, 08:56:32 pm »

Quote from: Pancho on 26 June, 2012, 08:15:32 pm

Quote from: Palinurus on 26 June, 2012, 08:06:37 pm
I went to an onboarding presentation the other day.

Is that like waterboarding but with powerpoint?

You stole the opening line for a course I created ("think of it as waterboarding with Powerpoint"). To my eternal shame, or quite possibly pride, I am responsible for a course entitled Sales Onboarding 101. On the plus side, it's features a sarcastic stuffed sea otter called Rick. Oddly, that's the only sales training course they've asked me to do.

That said, I am aboard one of our motherships (subdeck 14G), so strictly speaking we are onboarding our minions. Well, we beam them up with the mulderator. You should where we insert knowledge.

Palinurus · « **Reply #183 on:** 27 June, 2012, 12:26:57 pm »

Quote from: Pancho on 26 June, 2012, 08:15:32 pm

Quote from: Palinurus on 26 June, 2012, 08:06:37 pm
I went to an onboarding presentation the other day.

Is that like waterboarding but with powerpoint?

Most things involving powerpoint are a bit like waterboarding.

Rig of Jarkness · « **Reply #184 on:** 05 July, 2012, 07:08:11 pm »

"Let's get the blood on the table" Priceless

Pancho · « **Reply #185 on:** 05 July, 2012, 08:09:44 pm »

When things go wrong, the MD demands we have a "drains up" - which I think translates as "find someone to blame".

ian · « **Reply #186 on:** 05 July, 2012, 09:01:31 pm »

Today's bad smell that wafted down from the mothership bridge encouraged 'customer intimacy'.

mattc · « **Reply #187 on:** 06 July, 2012, 08:36:01 am »

Quote from: ian on 05 July, 2012, 09:01:31 pm

Today's bad smell that wafted down from the mothership bridge encouraged 'customer intimacy'.

Probably just the modern version of "touching base".

Riggers · « **Reply #188 on:** 06 July, 2012, 08:41:42 am »

Not 'touching cloth' then?

Eccentrica Gallumbits · « **Reply #189 on:** 06 July, 2012, 12:45:33 pm »

Given what we've had to clear up from our reception area today, that must be the public sector version.

Rig of Jarkness · « **Reply #190 on:** 01 September, 2012, 09:15:07 am »

'Haircut' seems to be trending at the moment, as in 'giving budgets a haircut'.

Also 'reaching out' - 'reach out to Bob', meaning go and speak to Bob.

SandyV · « **Reply #191 on:** 01 September, 2012, 11:46:29 am »

my company seems to have gone mad on reaching out too. Comes from HR I think. As does 'onboarding' which makes me think of conductors checking tickets. Apparently very important to reach out while onboarding.

At least we're no longer being constantly exhorted to "touch the business".
.

Dibdib · « **Reply #192 on:** 01 September, 2012, 12:09:25 pm »

Probably been done upthread but a common one I keep hearing is "to align", as in "can you align with Bob about the approach for that project" which nods to some kind of mutual understanding and consensus but actually means "go and tell Bob we're doing it my way until he either agrees or his ears bleed."

Rig of Jarkness · « **Reply #193 on:** 01 September, 2012, 12:42:46 pm »

Quote from: Dibdib on 01 September, 2012, 12:09:25 pm

Probably been done upthread but a common one I keep hearing is "to align", as in "can you align with Bob about the approach for that project" which nods to some kind of mutual understanding and consensus but actually means "go and tell Bob we're doing it my way until he either agrees or his ears bleed."

aka 'positioning'

mattc · « **Reply #194 on:** 01 September, 2012, 02:22:56 pm »

Quote from: Rig of Jarkness on 01 September, 2012, 09:15:07 am

'Haircut' seems to be trending at the moment

Pardon? It's doing what?!?

jogler · « **Reply #195 on:** 01 September, 2012, 02:35:16 pm »

trending...

as in

SR's are expected to be trending as PBP 2015 approaches

Rig of Jarkness · « **Reply #196 on:** 01 September, 2012, 05:28:05 pm »

I think 'trending' is more social media-speak than management-speak

geoff · « **Reply #197 on:** 03 September, 2012, 12:34:40 pm »

we have lovely consultants helping us at present who speak of "socialising" solutions.

Jacomus · « **Reply #198 on:** 03 September, 2012, 12:37:48 pm »

"We need to tee up a discussion about the use of accessible language in our marketing material, when are you available between $date-$date for a thought piece on the issue?"

Palinurus · « **Reply #199 on:** 03 September, 2012, 12:45:21 pm »

Tee up?

I think we should think of some cycling-related mangagement phrases that we can use in meetings and see how quickly they spread.