Author Topic: more insane management speak phrases  (Read 105720 times)

citoyen

  • Occasionally rides a bike
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #675 on: 07 September, 2020, 02:15:17 pm »
House! Spoiler tags, because a bit of your soul might die.
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"We made it up as we went along and rushed the project to completion, but we're spinning this as us being innovative. We also made a pretty website with fun clicky bits, and drew some pictures to show people what we meant because they couldn't understand the nonsense words we were spewing out."
"The future's all yours, you lousy bicycles."

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #676 on: 07 September, 2020, 03:07:49 pm »
“We asked the lusers what they wanted and started to make it.  Then the lusers decided it needed to open and close Tower Bridge, carry their golf bats and be capable of sending egg and cress sandwiches* electronically.  So it ended up being a bit of a rush job.  Embarrassingly, we documented the whole process instead of The Product, which is why the lusers are now complaining that they can’t make it work.  Our annual bonus is, however, guaranteed.”

* Other bread-and-filling-based snack products are available. E&OE. SPQR. THFC.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Cudzoziemiec

  • Моя планета голубая, я люблю тебя и обнимаю
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #677 on: 07 September, 2020, 04:24:42 pm »
“We asked the lusers what they wanted and started to make it.  Then the lusers decided it needed to open and close Tower Bridge, carry their golf bats and be capable of sending egg and cress sandwiches* electronically.  So it ended up being a bit of a rush job.  Embarrassingly, we documented the whole process instead of The Product, which is why the lusers are now complaining that they can’t make it work.  Our annual bonus is, however, guaranteed.”

* Other bread-and-filling-based snack products are available. E&OE. SPQR. THFC.
Tiermat's Hotspur of Football Coffee?
Riding a bike through a city is like navigating the collective neural pathways of a vast global mind.

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #678 on: 07 September, 2020, 07:41:07 pm »
we have acquired some manglement consultants who seem to be obsessed with this kind of thing.  They keep needing my area of technical (rather than handwavy) expertise and seem miffed when I say "I'll have to go away and think about it"
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

Cudzoziemiec

  • Моя планета голубая, я люблю тебя и обнимаю
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #679 on: 18 October, 2020, 06:59:24 pm »
Not sure if this one is insane management speak but it's new to me. That's probably just me not being in touch with the right managers though. Anyway, "take carriage of" as in "Alistair will take carriage of this programme."
Riding a bike through a city is like navigating the collective neural pathways of a vast global mind.

TheLurker

  • Goes well with magnolia.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #680 on: 18 October, 2020, 07:44:04 pm »
I despair.
Τα πιο όμορφα ταξίδια γίνονται με τις δικές μας δυνάμεις - Φίλοι του Ποδήλατου

Socks

  • Clennel Street on my touring bike
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #681 on: 18 October, 2020, 08:00:39 pm »
There are several positive scenario realisations resulting from my on-going retirement status.  Not least of which are that I no longer have to ensure that I've achieved some arbitrary target by close of play in order to maximise the progress towards the upcoming gateway review.   And can choose a suitable day to play out on my bike, based on the weather forecast.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Моя планета голубая, я люблю тебя и обнимаю
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #682 on: 18 October, 2020, 09:37:29 pm »
The person responsible for 'take carriage of' has now also used 'in agreeance' and 'closement'...
Riding a bike through a city is like navigating the collective neural pathways of a vast global mind.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #683 on: 18 October, 2020, 09:40:39 pm »
Hanging's too good for them.
Rust never sleeps

Cudzoziemiec

  • Моя планета голубая, я люблю тебя и обнимаю
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #684 on: 18 October, 2020, 09:41:11 pm »
There are several positive scenario realisations resulting from my on-going retirement status.  Not least of which are that I no longer have to ensure that I've achieved some arbitrary target by close of play in order to maximise the progress towards the upcoming gateway review.   And can choose a suitable day to play out on my bike, based on the weather forecast.
Don't you mean 'diarise a suitable calendar opportunity to progress the cycle by complete revolutions'?
Riding a bike through a city is like navigating the collective neural pathways of a vast global mind.

Kim

  • Timelord
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #685 on: 18 October, 2020, 11:48:12 pm »
*looks into this thread*
*turns around, walks briskly in the other direction*
Careful, Kim. Your sarcasm's showing...

Vernon

  • zzzZZZzzz
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #686 on: 19 October, 2020, 10:09:38 pm »
The person responsible for 'take carriage of' has now also used 'in agreeance' and 'closement'...

Sorry, old man, we don't understand your banter.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Моя планета голубая, я люблю тебя и обнимаю
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #687 on: 19 October, 2020, 10:47:05 pm »
"Agreeance" is actually a proper word, albeit archaic. "Closement" on the other hand...
Riding a bike through a city is like navigating the collective neural pathways of a vast global mind.

citoyen

  • Occasionally rides a bike
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #688 on: 19 October, 2020, 11:10:30 pm »
"Closement" on the other hand...

You know how to achieve closement?

Through a process of closementification, of course.
"The future's all yours, you lousy bicycles."

Cudzoziemiec

  • Моя планета голубая, я люблю тебя и обнимаю
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #689 on: 19 October, 2020, 11:11:21 pm »
 ;D
Riding a bike through a city is like navigating the collective neural pathways of a vast global mind.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #690 on: 19 October, 2020, 11:12:41 pm »
And when that's been done to you, you may wish to rate your closementificationness.
Rust never sleeps

Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #691 on: 19 October, 2020, 11:24:08 pm »
Closenation, surely.
If you don't like your democracy, vote against it.

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #692 on: 19 October, 2020, 11:28:27 pm »
I'm holding out until I can leverage my augmentationised closementificationness to gain traction in an…
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #693 on: 20 October, 2020, 06:08:57 am »
Closenation, surely.

Isn't closenation what we have right now?
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

Paul

  • L'enfer, c'est les autos.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #694 on: 20 October, 2020, 08:28:51 am »
A manager of mine used to refer to the “White elephant” in the room.

He also told me once that he was going somewhere the following day with poor mobile phone reception and travelling therefore incognito.
What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?

robgul

  • Cycle:End-to-End webmaster
  • cyclist, Cytech accredited mechanic & woodworker
    • Cycle:End-to-End
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #695 on: 20 October, 2020, 09:36:19 am »
A manager of mine used to refer to the “White elephant” in the room.

He also told me once that he was going somewhere the following day with poor mobile phone reception and travelling therefore incognito.

Ah, obviously got his words jumbled . . .

ian

  • not a woman, not an american, not a vampire
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #696 on: 20 October, 2020, 09:49:17 am »
This reminds that we are heading into annual review season, tis the time for pointless corporate bullshit that serves no purpose other than to give a couple of layers of management a break from forwarding spreadsheets and Powerpoint slides between two points.

Imagine how productive the world would be without the corporate bullshit, and then endless emails and pointless meetings.
Authoritarian Thought Leader, the Pol Pot of Powerpoint, the Stalin of Spreadsheets

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #697 on: 20 October, 2020, 09:58:56 am »
That would lead to a massive surge in the unemployment figures, at least until the layers of PHBs can be repurposed as sprout pickers, baristas, unicorn wranglers and wipers of OAPs' bottoms in care homes.  Call it a Brexit Bonus.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

fboab

  • It's a fecking serious business, riding a bike
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #698 on: 20 October, 2020, 10:02:58 am »
A manager of mine used to refer to the “White elephant” in the room.

He also told me once that he was going somewhere the following day with poor mobile phone reception and travelling therefore incognito.

Ah, obviously got his words jumbled . . .
ITYM jungled.
TSS is not Total Sex Score, Chris!

Auntie Helen

  • 6 Wheels in Germany
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #699 on: 20 October, 2020, 10:09:09 am »
Or jumboed
My blog on cycling in Germany and eating German cake – http://www.auntiehelen.co.uk