A former factory building round the corner from Larrington Towers is getting the full treatment from a gang of rufty-tufty hairy-arsed builders, to which end there is a portaloo outside same. The said khazi belongs to an outfit yclept “Tardis”. I know the things vaguely resemble a phone box but is it bigger on the inside than the outside? Are those odd groaning noises heard when it’s in operation the result of [“I don’t think we really need to pursue that one” – Ed.]? Have some, or more, of the rufty-tufty hairy-arsed builders fetched up in a distant star system (this would go some way to explaining why the work is taking so long)? And how did they resist the temptation to call themselves “Turdis”?