D Friebe: | O hai! I am TV's D Friebe and I am speaking 2 I Montoya N Quintana. O hai, I Montoya N Quintana, u haz any idearz how 2 attack teh C Froome in teh mountainz? |
N Quintana: | Got any cocaine? |
D Friebe: | No. No, I haz not! |
N Quintana: | How about a motorbike? |
D Friebe: | No. Not one of them either. |
N Quintana: | Piss! |
| [Later...] |
SD Millar: | O hai! I am TV's Super D Millar! When Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom had their last garden party I was amongst teh guests, who had a welcome true and hearty. Teh Prince of Wales was also there and my heart jumped with glee when someone said teh prince would like to have a word with me! |
TPO Wales: | O hai! One is teh Prince ov Wales and one is made of teh Win! Where did u get that hat? |
Omnes: | Well said, TPO Wales! Roffle @ SD Millar! U look like a refugee from a Rubettes tribute band! |
SD Millar: | Your all gay! |
| [Later...] |
TD Gendt: | O hai! I am TD Gendt and I am made of teh Win! C me make teh vainglorious acceleration on one ov teh 900 Cols de la Forclaz! Move teh biek! 4 grate justiec! |
R Majka: | O hai, TD Gendt! U sure ur on teh right Col de la Forclaz? U haz no chance to take teh spottyjumper make ur time! |
TD Gendt: | Arse! |
| [Meanwhile...] |
T Astana: | O HAI! WE R TEAM AS-TA-NA AND WE ARE MADE OF TEH DOC-TOR FER-RA-RI'S AS-TA-NA BEANZ! WE WILL EX-TER-MIN-ATE TEH OP-PO-SI-TION 4 TEH F A-RU! |
D Rosa: | SLO DOWN U GITS! U HAZ EX-TER-MIN-ATED MY KNEEZ! |
A Grivko: | GET TAE FCK, D RO-SA! |
| [Later...] |
TP Fairy: | O hai! I am teh P*nct*r* F**ry and I am teh very embodiment of teh FAIL! Whom shall I torment today, eh? O hai, A Yates! Stab stabbity stabbee!!1! |
A Yates: | You utter git, TP Fairy1! |
TV Garderen: | Don't try to engage my enthusiasm, because I haven't got one... |
| [Meanwhile, up the Montée de Pissoir...] |
R Majka: | Bai, TD Gendt! LOL!!1! |
TD Gendt: | Piss! |
| [Quite a lot later...] |
R Majka: | Yay! Teh spottyjumper iz mine ALL MINE! |
LL Sanchez: | LOU-IE, LEE-O, OH NO-ES! ME GOT-TA GO! AYE-YI-YI! [Disappears backwards @ teh rate ov knots] |
P Rolland: | Ow! That hurts! Get tae fck, TV cameras! |
*** Boulting: | O hai! I am TV's *** Boulting and teh Moriarty haz struck again! |
SD Millar: | Don't get it, *** |
*** Boulting: | Elementary, my dear Watson Millar! Reichenbach falls2! |
| [Not very much later...] |
R Porte: | O hai clouds o hai sky o hai road! Piss! |
B Mollema: | O hai clouds o hai sky o hai road! Piss! |
C Froome: | O hai clouds o hai sky o hai road! Piss! |
V Nibbles: | O hai clouds o hai sky o hai road o hai C Froome! Piss! |
| [Shortly thereafter...] |
W Poels: | O hai, C Froome! It's two kilometres to St-Gervais Mont-Blanc. We gotta full bidon of Vittel, half a box of energy gels, it's raining and we're wearing sunglasses! |
C Froome: | Hit it! Actually, don't bother. |
ML Maire: | Bloody crashes, spoiling teh Black & Blues Brothers gag! |
R Bardet: | O hai! I am R Bardet and I am made of teh Win! Better l8 than never, eh, readers? |
F Aru: | O NO-ES! EX-TER-MIN-ATED! PISS! |
A Yates: | Even teh juniorshinyjumper not maek up 4 that! Arse! |
1: Might not haz been TP Fairy, but saves typing.
2: If *** won't nick teh Spesh's joak then I'll have to.