The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)

[ian]

I'm worried that I might have PPI. It's been itching for a while.

(I know why I don't listen to the bloody radio or watch broadcast TV now.)

[Si S]

Whatever it is you're going to say, my answer is IT'S STILL FUCKING NOVEMBER!

Happy thanksgiving

See, I can live with that, it is after all tomorrow, and now sister's in the states it's becoming a 'thing' 

Nobody was asking if I wanted to come to a thanksgiving party 6 ruddy months ago.
Nobody was trying to persuade me to secretly buy some cheap inappropriate tat for some numbskull who I only interact with because I'm paid to do so 4 months ago. Isn't the leaving of secret gifts on desks called harassment at any other time of year?

Why would I want to shopping with the company at the Xmas market. FFS I don't want to go with my wife or daughter, oh, unless it's to force the twat of a stallholder that sold Miss S a large bag of chestnuts to eat his wares, yes they are chestnuts, bleeding horse chestnuts, and the arsehole gave her old quid coins in change.

Fucking Christmas 

 

[SteveC]

From my Twitter feed

Losing count of the Americans who have asked me & my daughter "what do the English do for Thanksgiving?"

From a British academic currently working in LA

[ian]

Black Friday. Cyber Monday. The next fucker on the radio who says either is going to get nuked from orbit.

'Cyber' Monday

Just what do they mean by that?

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cyber

The New Yorker Hotel just emailed me with the promise of an entire 'cyber weekend.'

(reminds me of Dylan Moran's wonderful prostitutes and cocaine in hotels joke – what are you supposed to offer them, yoghurt?)

[ElyDave]

Hammerfest - umpteen feet of snow, ice on the runway no problem, planes go every ten minutes.

Oslo - also in Scandinavia (i.e. fuckin cold in the winter) closed for snow.  No flight to Stavanger tonight, no hotels in Oslo tonight, I've showered in the Radisson gym thanks to a frequent stayer card, but I'm sleeping in Oslo fucking airport.

I don't even have my bag as it's tagged to Stavanger, they'll send it tomorrow apparently.

I'm supposed to be at the office at 8am tomorrow, I'm on a rebooked 7:30 flight.

It's only once in ten years of this job, but I'm still feeling entitled to be ranty

EDIT
And I forgot to mention, we had got as far as taxi-ing for the flight when hey decided to send out the snow moving machines, that extra delay led to one of the cabin crew exceeding hours and led to the cancellation. 
four hours dozing on a baggage hall floor with my laptop bag for a pillow does not bode well for a productive day ahead.

[Cudzoziemiec]

Hammerfest - umpteen feet of snow, ice on the runway no problem, planes go every ten minutes.

Sounds suitable for heavy metal.

[Andrij]

Hammerfest - umpteen feet of snow, ice on the runway no problem, planes go every ten minutes.

Sounds suitable for heavy metal.

I initially  thought it was a gathering of DIY enthusiasts.

[Tim Hall]

Hammerfest - umpteen feet of snow, ice on the runway no problem, planes go every ten minutes.

Sounds suitable for heavy metal.

I initially  thought it was a gathering of DIY enthusiasts.

Which reminds me of a line by Jeremy Hardy in the Uxbridge English Dictionary round of ISIHAC: Hamas - what Geordies use to put in nails.

[citoyen]

Fucking bow ties... AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!

[Guy]

Fucking bow ties...

So *that's* what you get up to when nobody's watching

[citoyen]

Probably easier than tying the damn thing.

I used to be OK at it many years ago but I'm a bit out of practice.

Tying them, I mean.

[TheLurker]

'Cyber' Monday
Just what do they mean by that?

It's the day of the week devoted to worship of our new digital overlords.   Friday, Sat & Sunday were already spoken for by analogue $deities so the the new lot got Monday.  Dread to think what's going to get Tuesday.

[T42]

Black Friday, Black Friday, Black Friday bloody Black Friday. If there's one thing guaranteed to keep me out of a shop it's Black Friday bullshit.

[PaulF]

Helpfully most shops have got their Christmas decorations up so that keeps me out and I avoid any Black Friday silliness

[Si S]

Miss S asked for a lift to work off her Mum - "It's Black Friday, there are no busses on bank holiday" 

[essexian]

Dress codes at funerals, I mean WT something rude or other?!

We are going to one on Monday for CBH's uncle and have had an email saying: "NO BLACK, no ties, no suits or nothing miserable looking. Bright clothing only and no flowers!"

Well as the only bright clothes I have is my cycling kit, it seems I have to go out and buy some new stuff at the weekend. I HATE shopping for clothes at the best of times but knowing I have to buy something I will wear only once hasn't pleased me. And no, I can't get out of the funeral as much as I want to as it seems I am driving four of the family as I am the only one who doesn't drink.

And don't get me started on the wake which has a band!!!!

[mrcharly-YHT]

Dress codes at funerals, I mean WT something rude or other?!

We are going to one on Monday for CBH's uncle and have had an email saying: "NO BLACK, no ties, no suits or nothing miserable looking. Bright clothing only and no flowers!"

Well as the only bright clothes I have is my cycling kit, it seems I have to go out and buy some new stuff at the weekend. I HATE shopping for clothes at the best of times but knowing I have to buy something I will wear only once hasn't pleased me. And no, I can't get out of the funeral as much as I want to as it seems I am driving four of the family as I am the only one who doesn't drink.

And don't get me started on the wake which has a band!!!!

Hmm - when there is a request like this, the people making the request are very obviously wanting the funeral (and wake) to not be sombre, not be a dreary occasion.

So 'bright' will be open to interpretation. A white shirt is bright. Stick a coloured tie on that over almost any pair of trousers and I think you are definitely meeting the intention (and feelings of the people arranging the funeral).

I can understand being sober around drunk people and a band is tedious. Take a book and sneak off to a corner somewhere (or the car) if it is too irritating!

[Kim]

Dress codes at funerals, I mean WT something rude or other?!

Funerals have a dress code by default.  Subverting it seems perfectly reasonable...

Non-compulsory dress code for my funeral is going to be "Something that would have amused Kim".  Cycling kit is positively encouraged (and not unusual for cyclists' funerals).  The only thing that I really care about is the no flowers rule though.  Bloody things have been the bane of my life and I don't want people wasting money on them on my behalf when I'm dead.


Anyway, what mrcharly-YHT said.  Best approach to alcohol at funerals seems to be to find a suitable infirm old lady - perhaps of an Irish persuasion - and ply her with it in exchange for increasingly amusing anecdotes.  Like the man-inna-kilt at weddings, most families have one.  It's a tradition, or an old charter or something.

Failing that, find some small children to entertain.  They don't want to be there either.

[Mr Larrington]

Black Friday, Black Friday, Black Friday bloody Black Friday. If there's one thing guaranteed to keep me out of a shop it's Black Friday bullshit.

Dunno what it's like round your way, but after the undignified and unBRITISH scenes of 2015, the TV news types were salivating into their skinny lattes about a repeat performance last year.  The BBC Londonton crew sent to Westfield in Shepherds Bush appeared to outnumber the punters.

[T42]

Inbox full of ejaculatory emails, SFA about it in the shops.

[hellymedic]

Helpfully most shops have got their Christmas decorations up so that keeps me out and I avoid any Black Friday silliness

I've had about thirty fucking Black Friday emails so even staying at home gives scant peace!

[Guy]

Upon firing up my antediluvian Babbage-engine this morning I was greeted with something like this at the top of my inbox

Member News and Black Friday deals

I have absolutely no idea what British Cycling Member News might be this week as I immediately stabbed the delete button with such force that my keyboard was forced through the desk*



* May contain slight exaggeration

[Torslanda]

Signs of 'Black Friday' madness at John's Bikes.

er... None.

[Canardly]

Michael Gove 'social media distorts news and corrupts',.....ho ho ho, ha ha ha, he he he.......so that will be fake news then?

[T42]

'Twas brillig, and the slimy Gove...