The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)

[mrcharly-YHT]

Re train timetables. The best part of 200 years ago they worked out train timetables with a pencil and piece of paper and took pride in trains being on time. In the age of space travel and inexpensive computing we seem unable to do this. Why is this?

Two reasons: one, the ToCs won't employ enough staff or train them on time; two, you have ToCs competing for track access, so Network Rail can't simply shuffle the trains to fit sensibly into the available track.

[liam_whippet]

Also, back then they changed time to fit the railways: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Railway_time

[CAMRAMan]

http://www.halfords.com/cycling/bike-accessories/bike-pannier-racks/topeak-super-tourist-dx-pannier-rack?_br_psugg_q=topeak+rack
Halfords: That is a disc-compatible rack in the picture, which is why I bought one from you. You sent one not disc-compatible. Now you're telling me it's my fault and I ordered the wrong thing, so don't expect me to sound happy on the phone. Get an 'expert' in your team who actually knows the difference to look at the image and rectify your mistake instead of blaming me, you twats.

[L CC]

On the plus side, you're saved from owning that rack- which is really wide, sits awkwardly and looks ugly on the bike, and eventually snaps at the wheel axle bolt.
HTH.

[Pickled Onion]

My work offers free bike maintenance - a mobile mechanic sets up in the bike store and you pay just the cost of parts.

That's not the rant.

I left my Brompton with them for a chain and cog. It's a simple job I'd normally do myself but I wanted to support the service. When I picked it up, they'd fitted the wrong parts: the cog was the wrong width and the wrong number of teeth, the chain was the wrong width and the wrong length. They charged well over retail for the parts.

He then tried to tell me this was a good thing, the parts were better and would last longer. And the change in gear that I didn't want? Hmm. Apparently you also need to add four links to the chain if you increase the sprocket by one tooth. Really?

[SoreTween]

Look on the bright side, zero feelings of guilt every time you don't support the service in future.

[CAMRAMan]

On the plus side, you're saved from owning that rack- which is really wide, sits awkwardly and looks ugly on the bike, and eventually snaps at the wheel axle bolt.
HTH.

Not really, no.

[ElyDave]

Effing Gardner, just not bothered turning up for two weeks.

That's him off my Christmas card list

[Beardy]

Effing Gardner, just not bothered turning up for two weeks.

That's him off my Christmas card list

Surely this belongs in the first world problems thread

[Jaded]

Effing Gardner, just not bothered turning up for two weeks.

That's him off my Christmas card list

Are you sure he's not drowned in your carp lake?

[hellymedic]

I thought you meant my Brexit-sellout Labour MP but this isn't POBI...

[ElyDave]

Effin autocorrect, I know how to bloody spell

[CAMRAMan]

http://www.halfords.com/cycling/bike-accessories/bike-pannier-racks/topeak-super-tourist-dx-pannier-rack?_br_psugg_q=topeak+rack
Halfords: That is a disc-compatible rack in the picture, which is why I bought one from you. You sent one not disc-compatible. Now you're telling me it's my fault and I ordered the wrong thing, so don't expect me to sound happy on the phone. Get an 'expert' in your team who actually knows the difference to look at the image and rectify your mistake instead of blaming me, you twats.

So, Halfrauds have admitted their mistake, sort-of apologised and offered to send me the rack I believed I had ordered for the price I paid for the 'wrong' rack - as a goodwill gesture; yeah right! It shows the folly of dealing with CS people who don't have the faintest idea of what you are discussing with them. Even then they were saying it doesn't fit all disc-braked bikes - probably true, but I know it fits mine, as I have the same, non-DX version - and say the description should have told me which rack it was - it didn't.

So, a partial admission of guilt and a grudging acceptance they were wrong - but not completely. I'll take that as long as I get my rack.

[Andrij]

Nothing like spending some time out and about in London on a warm summer's day to remind you that the world is full of selfish cucking funts.  On foot, on bikes, in motor vehicles - all cucking funts.

[Diver300]

Bicycle / motorcycle users - if they can email me directly with their bike details (cyclists - make, model & colour of bicycle / motorcyclists - registration number) the information can then be input on to the master list for cross checking with corporate turnstile access applications.

It seems that anyone not arriving by car has to jump through hoops to be allowed to take the direct route and not walk the long way round.

It's bad enough that once on the site, cycling is banned and we have to walk alongside the roads that cars, lorries and forklifts drive on.

[Jasmine]

...the information can then be input on to the master list for cross checking with corporate turnstile access applications.

  is this corporate speak for: can cyclists and motorcyclists email me details of your bike so I can put it on a list to let you in?

WTF is a corporate turnstile access application?

[ian]

To the pleasant young lady who forcefully barged into me at Oxford Circus tube because "I was in her way." I hope you get eaten by scabies the size of squirrels. I was, as you so charmingly put 'in your way' because of the blind guy being led along the platform in front of me. On noting this you might have said 'sorry' rather than mutter something rude and homophobic under your breath. I dunno why people have to be such dicks sometime, there was no train approaching, it would have taken just moment for me to move out of her way regardless.

[Diver300]

...the information can then be input on to the master list for cross checking with corporate turnstile access applications.

  is this corporate speak for: can cyclists and motorcyclists email me details of your bike so I can put it on a list to let you in?

WTF is a corporate turnstile access application?

No, bikes aren't allowed in (well not to be ridden, 'cos they are dangerous, unlike the artics that are allowed in). The bike shed is outside the turnstile.

The cause is the visitors' car park which is closer than the main car park. Some spaces are going to be allocated in the visitors's car park for car sharers. The bike / motorbike shed and car drop-off point are all near that and use one turnstile, while the main car park uses the other. So those subversives* will have to beg for permission get to work without a gratuitous 10 minute walk down roads with no pavement.

Business protection can't be bothered to check car number plates against registered car sharers and visitors who sign in, so the're intending to clamp down on subversives" instead.

I've got to work by:-
Brompton
Mountain Bike
Driving my own car
Driving a company car
Giving a lift to colleague(s) in my car
Getting a lift from a colleague in their car
Getting dropped off by a family member.
Driving a family member's car
Giving a lift to a colleague(s) in a family member's car.

and that is at the site that doesn't have buses going to it.

It is clearly beyond the imagination of business protection that someone might not have a fixed way of going to work.

In asking for my bike details, it begs the questions of what they are going to do with that information, and how accurately "cyclists - make, model & colour of bicycle" will allow a business protection person to identify it. I've changed bike colours before now, FFS! If I use the turnstile without having a bike in the bike shed, I could have arrived by lift share or been dropped off, so will my use of the turnstile be flagged as if I had parked in the visitors' car park. If one of my bikes is in the bike shed while I'm not at work, I could have got a lift or driven a company car to another site, or I could even have been allowed a company car overnight, so will that be considered to be " found to be using the visitor car park or bike shed parking inappropriately". 

I've asked if they have processes for adding or removing bikes from theirs system.

Obviously anyone who drives to the main car park isn't asked for car details.

*Anyone not driving their own 4+ seater car with no passengers

[ian]

Honestly, why is booking train tickets such a fucking pain in the ass?

Oh and National Rail, who not content with engineering works what seems like every weekend on our line (all four or so miles of it) now feel the need to close it from 9pm for yet more works. The bloody Victorians could have built a fucking railway to Mars and back in the time you've take every year for 'track maintenance' on this section. Not to mention the three-and-half months it took to replace a small footbridge last year.

[Beardy]

Honestly, why is booking train tickets such a fucking pain in the ass?

Oh and National Rail, who not content with engineering works what seems like every weekend on our line (all four or so miles of it) now feel the need to close it from 9pm for yet more works. The bloody Victorians could have built a fucking railway to Mars and back in the time you've take every year for 'track maintenance' on this section. Not to mention the three-and-half months it took to replace a small footbridge last year.

To be fair, the Victorians had some considerable advantages over Network Rail. They were building new which is always easier than renovating and repairing existing. The didn't have to put up with the trains carrying millions of people over the very p-way they were building. The had abundant cheap labour. And of course, they didn't have to worry about the health and safety of either their workers or any people who were too stupid to walk onto the building site

[Torslanda]

Feeling your pain.

For the thick end of three years we would regularly drive up and down the A1 where, just South of Blyth, an access ramp was under construction. 40mph, average speed cameras, fuck all going on, you know the score.

At the same time the French built a TGV line. From Paris to La Rochelle.

It's a toss up which cost more and took longer . . .

[SoreTween]

Come on Columbia! Save us from the constant office prattle.  13 people found alive after more than a week in a hole, major changes to brexit border plans, up to 17 babies murdered and all the fuckwits talk about All Fucking Day is bloody football.

Apart from the office gobshite of course he's loudly dispencing his wisdom, superior knowledge and expertise on every subject under the sun as usual. Constantly.

[mrcharly-YHT]

So, Jerk of a contractor on my team has been on this project for a while. I look at chapter of document he is working on and ask him where is the plan for the organisation of the content (content being brought over from older version). He doesn't have one.
So I ask him to write one. I send him the guidelines. I explain that everyone else has needed to produce one for their sections.
   
Two hours later after I come out of a meeting I see he is doing some other work. "Have you completed the plan" sez I. No. He hasn't started. So I ask why. He argues about it not being necessary. I express my concern about him making up the structure as he goes along. He says "Well I've got a plan". I ask where it is. "In my head."

So I ask for it to be written down. Say that we need this for planning, to track work. He argues, tells me it will be really difficult, I agree it is difficult but it has to be done.
   
An hour and a half later, he produces his plan. He has definitely written it down. In pencil. In big block letters, about 8 lines in total, maybe 3 entries with some comments.

I am working with someone with the mentality of a five-year-old.

[SteveC]

So, Jerk of a contractor on my team has been on this project for a while. <snip>

Contractor --> door

That's the deal -- do it the way we want or we won't renew

[ian]

Honestly, why is booking train tickets such a fucking pain in the ass?

Oh and National Rail, who not content with engineering works what seems like every weekend on our line (all four or so miles of it) now feel the need to close it from 9pm for yet more works. The bloody Victorians could have built a fucking railway to Mars and back in the time you've take every year for 'track maintenance' on this section. Not to mention the three-and-half months it took to replace a small footbridge last year.

To be fair, the Victorians had some considerable advantages over Network Rail. They were building new which is always easier than renovating and repairing existing. The didn't have to put up with the trains carrying millions of people over the very p-way they were building. The had abundant cheap labour. And of course, they didn't have to worry about the health and safety of either their workers or any people who were too stupid to walk onto the building site

I was being mildly facetious, but for a brief section of slow speed line, it does seem to require an inordinate amount of 'track work' and it was never really clear why it took months to hoist a mostly prefabricated bridge into place (which, masterfully doesn't feature any lighting but is angled perfectly so you get the streetlight right in the eyeballs just as you reach the steps, thus erasing the night vision you're about to really need).

As for the random smurge of booking options, it's a big pile of inconsistent poo.