Author Topic: Overheard today (Read 121320 times)

ian · « **Reply #300 on:** 12 January, 2017, 09:54:08 am »

Not overheard, but rather overshared. During a bout of undoubtedly horribly sexist chivalry I held a door to the café open so a lady with a behemoth main urban battle buggy could get through. Once through she said 'oh thanks so much! I have stitches in my vagina.'

Ruthie · « **Reply #301 on:** 12 January, 2017, 09:58:16 am »

Quote from: ian on 12 January, 2017, 09:54:08 am

Not overheard, but rather overshared. During a bout of undoubtedly horribly sexist chivalry I held a door to the café open so a lady with a behemoth main urban battle buggy could get through. Once through she said 'oh thanks so much! I have stitches in my vagina.'

Probably the only thing she can think about at the moment

I remember it well! They don't half pull.

Torslanda · « **Reply #302 on:** 13 January, 2017, 12:32:43 am »

On a train into manchester last Friday, two women chatting.

"... and his girlfriend. Talk about thick, she orders a 16 inch pizza then complains that it's cut in too many slices cos she can only manage about 3 or 4!"

Cue Torslanda shaking with silent mirth. Best laugh I've had for ages.

Canardly · « **Reply #303 on:** 14 January, 2017, 07:37:00 pm »

Out of the mouth of babes......'European, but this is England, it should be English'.......this in a branch of Lidl. Strewth.

Bledlow · « **Reply #304 on:** 17 January, 2017, 07:56:41 pm »

Quote from: Basil on 22 December, 2016, 02:08:03 pm

".... suffering from percussion. Shouldn't have been allowed on the pitch......"

Well, it's not that wrong, since percussion was probably the cause.

Basil · « **Reply #305 on:** 22 January, 2017, 06:58:57 pm »

"Looks under her pillow every morning, to see if she's lost any sleep. She's that fucking tight"

Brilliant! I've never heard that before, and am definitely nicking it.

Basil · « **Reply #306 on:** 18 February, 2017, 04:23:59 pm »

On exiting Madam Butterfly last night. Mrs. B to DooL.
"Stupid woman. She should have just marched down to his ship and punched his lights out"

Tim Hall · « **Reply #307 on:** 13 March, 2017, 11:40:06 pm »

Donor carer at this evening's platelet donating session, writing down the time I started: "I don't understand the twenty four hour clock after midday."

woollypigs · « **Reply #308 on:** 20 March, 2017, 06:32:57 pm »

Overheard a lady, who was trying to enter via the exit of the local food emporium. "Oh, I gone into the wrong hole".

pcolbeck · « **Reply #309 on:** 21 March, 2017, 10:17:38 am »

Not overheard by me (I don't speak French) but in a travel book I am reading.

In a bar in a village in the Central Massif:

A Man gets up from a bar stool to leave and says to the bar owners girlfriend:

Man: "Right I'm off to blow my head off."

Bar owners girlfriend "If you must, but think of your son."

Man leaves and everything carries on as if nothing happened.

Pingu · « **Reply #310 on:** 23 March, 2017, 10:32:39 pm »

Quote

I fixed it, but I fixed it wrong.

gibbo · « **Reply #311 on:** 24 March, 2017, 09:10:34 am »

Whilst on holiday on one of the Greek islands I met this couple (geezers!) from Tottenham and towards the end of the holiday they were really starting to miss home and especially the food.

Tottenham man - I can't wait to get home and some proper English food!
Tottenham "lady" - Yeah, like Chinky or Indian.

Me - shoulders shaking with mirth.

hellymedic · « **Reply #312 on:** 24 March, 2017, 03:16:51 pm »

Quote from: gibbo on 24 March, 2017, 09:10:34 am

Whilst on holiday on one of the Greek islands I met this couple (geezers!) from Tottenham and towards the end of the holiday they were really starting to miss home and especially the food.

Tottenham man - I can't wait to get home and some proper English food!
Tottenham "lady" - Yeah, like Chinky or Indian.

Me - shoulders shaking with mirth.

I would agree that we get Chinky and Indian food that is more to our taste here than in FOREIGN places. We were disappointed by both the 'Indian' we had in France and the 'Chinese' we had in Mallorca.

Both were served by people of authentic ethnic appearance.

Expectations and tastes vary.

Kim · « **Reply #313 on:** 24 March, 2017, 05:46:37 pm »

It's positively misleading to refer to traditional BRITISH curry as Indian food, though there's often some overlap when it comes to restaurants.

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #314 on:** 24 March, 2017, 09:23:18 pm »

Biriani stays pretty similar, as does pizza. Oh, wait...

Ham · « **Reply #315 on:** 24 March, 2017, 09:26:35 pm »

Quote from: Cudzoziemiec on 24 March, 2017, 09:23:18 pm

Biriani stays pretty similar, as does pizza. Oh, wait...

IRTA "BrianI stays pretty similar" and experienced a moment of puzzlement

ElyDave · « **Reply #316 on:** 25 March, 2017, 06:54:35 am »

Moroccan in Bordeaux was OK.

I can't go in curry houses with my wife, it's accompanied by constant muttering "this just isn't authentic, I wouldn't do it like this"

ian · « **Reply #317 on:** 25 March, 2017, 02:44:15 pm »

I don't much care about it being authentic, it's just the plates of generic brown sludge that seem to qualify as curry in many restaurants and takeaways.

Polar Bear · « **Reply #318 on:** 02 April, 2017, 05:48:35 pm »

A frexit foursome at the next table to us at the lunch stop discussed many things amongst themselves before getting on to the thorny topic of brexit.

" I voted NO because of Merkel" announced one, closely followed up by declaring that all the forriners can piss off cos we don't need them.

This was a group with an age profile of being retired

I had to bite my lip.

ElyDave · « **Reply #319 on:** 02 April, 2017, 10:57:05 pm »

Quote from: ian on 25 March, 2017, 02:44:15 pm

I don't much care about it being authentic, it's just the plates of generic brown sludge that seem to qualify as curry in many restaurants and takeaways.

Yes, only problem now is I knows betterer, and real Indian food is rather more yummy than lots of curry house brown sludge

T42 · « **Reply #320 on:** 03 April, 2017, 03:36:00 pm »

Misheard rather than over:

Mrs: Her back was hurting so much had to use her Dad's dick at the horse-show.

Me: Gnmrpph!?

Mrs: Her Dad's STICK.

Morat · « **Reply #321 on:** 03 April, 2017, 08:20:08 pm »

I was in a pub for lunch on Saturday, there was a UK Cycling sportive using the car park as a drinks stop in return for a donation to the village play area.
The amount of grumbling about bloody cyclists from the table next door was high. When they tried to involve me in the conversation by asking me to agree that it should be the law that cyclists use cycle paths when they are "provided" I just blanked them.
I suppose I should have engaged them in a reasoned debate but I got the feeling that the guy had last changed his mind in 1890.

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #322 on:** 15 May, 2017, 05:10:41 pm »

Woman: Natter chatter talk. <Pulls at side of running tights.>
Man: You aren't wearing any underwear?
Woman: No, it's all dirty.

rafletcher · « **Reply #323 on:** 21 May, 2017, 12:36:04 pm »

Heard, rather than overheard. Radio 6M newsreader spoonerisms - "windy males" instead of "minke whales" 😄

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #324 on:** 26 May, 2017, 09:55:50 am »

One of the builders next door getting a plank of wood for some imprecise purpose from his mate: "600 mill. About 23". Two lengths of a ruler. Eighteen times the length of your willy."