Author Topic: i am the resurrection  (Read 952 times)

ian

  • not a woman, not an american, not a vampire
i am the resurrection
« on: 14 May, 2021, 09:08:03 pm »
Last week, I was chatting to Finestre about the sort of people they have in Hell, the monumental sinners, the dirty diabolists, the trespassers of morals, Priti Patel's soul (she's not dead yet, it just claimed asylum). It's a mixed bunch they're tormenting, but really given the alternative is Heaven, it's not so bad, there is at least no Christian rock. Heaven is ear-to-ear Christian rock, the only break you get is the guitar solo. Don't watch porn in Heaven, there are so many chunky knit sweaters and sensible shoes.

Anyway, I was wondering if they (Hell or Heaven) would entertain a day release scheme, where they give the occasional soul a weekend pass to come back and visit the realm of the living. Who wouldn't want to party with Ghengis Khan, imagine what he'd be like on a Swindon stag-do? If your wifi is playing up, hey Nikola, turn it off and back on, mate. You could get Srinivasa Ramanujan to do your kids' maths homework. Or Jesus. For fuck's sake, will you stop doing this?

Who else should we bring back? Passes are limited, and bear in mind the cavity search on the way back.
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Mrs Pingu

  • Who ate all the pies? Me
    • Twitter
Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #1 on: 14 May, 2021, 09:51:20 pm »
Bowie.
No contest.
That is all.
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #2 on: 14 May, 2021, 11:00:10 pm »
Jimi Hendrix
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

nicknack

  • Hornblower
Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #3 on: 14 May, 2021, 11:15:02 pm »
Coltrane.
There's no vibrations, but wait.

cygnet

  • I'm part of the association
Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #4 on: 14 May, 2021, 11:25:21 pm »
Before nominating anyone (/thing? Are we make-believing in a non-human afterlife??) I'd like to ask:

What stage of life will they be resurrected to? Is it just rewind the clock a few days prior to death?
If the "timeline" is longer, are all terminal illnesses cured? How about "natural causes"? The canonical example is a man executed in his early thirties, presumably with no underlying / pre-existing condition, and he lasted little more than a month.

Or will the resurrection be confined to their current earthly presence? Zombies - no thanks.

(If I've learnt anything from making deals with the devil/god, books and films  it's that you have to read the small print very carefully, to understand ALL the conditions attached.)
Reasonably Inconsiderate

Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #5 on: 15 May, 2021, 09:19:32 am »
The Marquis de Sade would absolutely love the Internet.
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Eating all the pies and drinking all the tea.
Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #6 on: 15 May, 2021, 09:22:52 am »
I've read the first three replies (Bowie, Hendrix, Coltrane) and they're all correct, all the time. Obviously. I'll now read ian's OP to find out what's going on.
Riding a bike through a city is like navigating the collective neural pathways of a vast global mind.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Eating all the pies and drinking all the tea.
Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #7 on: 15 May, 2021, 09:26:28 am »
Oh, I see. Well, I'll stand by my answer above, or rather Mrs Pingu's, Mr Larrington's and Nicknack's answers. You know what, I'll add J.S. Bach just to pre-empt Wowbagger!
Riding a bike through a city is like navigating the collective neural pathways of a vast global mind.

T42

  • Old fool in a hurry
Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #8 on: 15 May, 2021, 10:22:08 am »
Kirsty MacColl. She wasn't that great a singer, but getting chewed up by the propeller of a speedboat driven by the son of a nabob was such a horrible way to go that I'd give her a stretch back in the land of the living before I'd haul back any of the others.
But they never got to Carcassonne.

Hot Flatus

  • Mediocre polyglot.Scoutmaster and nudist
Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #9 on: 15 May, 2021, 11:23:52 am »
A gay colleague told me last week that he had some abuse off a student (Eastern European) who told him that he would go to hell because he was gay. He was pretty upset about it.

I told him that if said student really believed that then said student would have to live a blameless life  ;)

FifeingEejit

  • Not Small
Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #10 on: 15 May, 2021, 12:59:38 pm »
Senna, shove him in a merc and lets see how good Hamilton actually is against his own benchmark.

Gattopardo

  • Lord of the sith
  • Overseaing the building of the death star
Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #11 on: 15 May, 2021, 02:42:12 pm »
Senna, shove him in a merc and lets see how good Hamilton actually is against his own benchmark.

Schmaker (is he dead?)

How about vincenzo lancia in his era cars against the current era?

Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #12 on: 15 May, 2021, 02:49:23 pm »
Schumacher (M) is still alive but unlikely to drive anything again.

Fangio vs Hamilton would be interesting but I suspect it would be like putting a jockey in a car.  In Fangio's day there was no downforce and you often had to drift around corners.
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #13 on: 15 May, 2021, 08:16:46 pm »
Robespierre. As leader of the Labour Party.
Sic transit and all that..

FifeingEejit

  • Not Small
Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #14 on: 15 May, 2021, 11:36:25 pm »
Schumacher (M) is still alive but unlikely to drive anything again.

Fangio vs Hamilton would be interesting but I suspect it would be like putting a jockey in a car.  In Fangio's day there was no downforce and you often had to drift around corners.

I think the problem with trying to make a comparison over that distance of time is flawed as the cars are so different, I foubt Fangio at his peak was ever fit enough or physically strong enough to drive any car from the late-60s onwards.

That said, Fangio, Senna, Schumacher and Hamilton all racing each other would be worth watching, even if only to answer the question of who will punt who off the track. (3 of them have a history of it!)

fd3

Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #15 on: 15 May, 2021, 11:43:12 pm »
Mrs Pingu closed the thread with her post.
I only wanted to add that Souls don't wait for deth to go to Hell, any fule knows that.
Strange things are afoot at the circle K.

Pingu

  • Put away those fiery biscuits!
  • Mrs Pingu's domestique
    • the Igloo
Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #16 on: 15 May, 2021, 11:53:32 pm »
Nice try ian, but you're condemned to Surrey for eternity.

Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #17 on: 16 May, 2021, 01:40:26 pm »
Nice try ian, but you're condemned to Surrey for eternity.
Chained to an office building in Guildford, where bears gnaw his liver all day and it regrows each night.  It was a choice between that or listening to Mel & Kim's "Respectable" on an endless loop.
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

Redlight

  • Enjoying life in the slow lane
Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #18 on: 16 May, 2021, 02:32:13 pm »
My Dad. I'd like to have had a chance to get to know him.
Why should anybody steal a watch when they can steal a bicycle?

ian

  • not a woman, not an american, not a vampire
Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #19 on: 17 May, 2021, 09:58:25 am »
Nice try ian, but you're condemned to Surrey for eternity.
Chained to an office building in Guildford, where bears gnaw his liver all day and it regrows each night.  It was a choice between that or listening to Mel & Kim's "Respectable" on an endless loop.

Curiously, Respectable does play on loop in my brain sometimes. But I live in the part of Surrey that the rest of Surrey thinks is Kent and so have done away with. Our bears live primarily on a diet of postmen.

I'm not sure about Bowie. He was OK as Ziggy, but what if he comes back and starts making the more recent and not very good stuff? Once he's back, he doesn't have to be your performing monkey. If he's up-top, he's on a diet of non-stop Celion Dion sings Christian rock. It's a valid point, you don't get to choose how they come back, just that they do. This is the power Finestre granted, and she's the CEO of Hell, so be careful of the small print in any contracts. No point wriggling when you find Attila the Hun has annexed your house. Yeah, yeah, he sounded like a laugh until he drank all the cider and while you at the offy getting more got the locks changed. Finestre, the Demon of Such Things, has a lot of lawyers on tap.

I never liked Hendrix, it was all those interminable guitar solos that mostly only appeal to men of a certain age.
Support the Great Surrey Bear Census 2020 (postponed due to COVID)

Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #20 on: 17 May, 2021, 10:23:37 am »
Richard Feynman. Not particularly noted for being a bad person, but I don't think he'd be amongst the dozen or so people that manage to leave a blameless enough life to be allowed into Heaven.

Visiting strip clubs would probably be enough to get him onto the naughty list anyway. :)

He'd just love to continue throwing spanners into things, and gods know what he would have said about Trump et al. :o ;D
Actually, it is rocket science.
 

Re: i am the resurrection
« Reply #21 on: 17 May, 2021, 07:15:56 pm »
Nice try ian, but you're condemned to Surrey for eternity.
Chained to an office building in Guildford, where bears gnaw his liver all day and it regrows each night.  It was a choice between that or listening to Mel & Kim's "Respectable" on an endless loop.

Curiously, Respectable does play on loop in my brain sometimes. But I live in the part of Surrey that the rest of Surrey thinks is Kent and so have done away with. Our bears live primarily on a diet of postmen.

I'm not sure about Bowie. He was OK as Ziggy, but what if he comes back and starts making the more recent and not very good stuff? Once he's back, he doesn't have to be your performing monkey. If he's up-top, he's on a diet of non-stop Celion Dion sings Christian rock. It's a valid point, you don't get to choose how they come back, just that they do. This is the power Finestre granted, and she's the CEO of Hell, so be careful of the small print in any contracts. No point wriggling when you find Attila the Hun has annexed your house. Yeah, yeah, he sounded like a laugh until he drank all the cider and while you at the offy getting more got the locks changed. Finestre, the Demon of Such Things, has a lot of lawyers on tap.

I never liked Hendrix, it was all those interminable guitar solos that mostly only appeal to men of a certain age.

Respectability in Surrey is gauged by the number of Conservative Clubs you have joined. Too many used to be as bad as being an estate agent but I’m way out of touch these days.
Sic transit and all that..