Last week, I was chatting to Finestre about the sort of people they have in Hell, the monumental sinners, the dirty diabolists, the trespassers of morals, Priti Patel's soul (she's not dead yet, it just claimed asylum). It's a mixed bunch they're tormenting, but really given the alternative is Heaven, it's not so bad, there is at least no Christian rock. Heaven is ear-to-ear Christian rock, the only break you get is the guitar solo. Don't watch porn in Heaven, there are so many chunky knit sweaters and sensible shoes.
Anyway, I was wondering if they (Hell or Heaven) would entertain a day release scheme, where they give the occasional soul a weekend pass to come back and visit the realm of the living. Who wouldn't want to party with Ghengis Khan, imagine what he'd be like on a Swindon stag-do? If your wifi is playing up, hey Nikola, turn it off and back on, mate. You could get Srinivasa Ramanujan to do your kids' maths homework. Or Jesus. For fuck's sake, will you stop doing this?
Who else should we bring back? Passes are limited, and bear in mind the cavity search on the way back.