Author Topic: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread (Read 437446 times)

nuttycyclist · « **Reply #2425 on:** 12 May, 2021, 01:08:37 pm »

Lunch break.

microwave leftover homemade lasagne.
take another call
flick microwave to finish reheating
take another call
open empty microwave. $:-\$ $:-\$

locate cold lasagne on table behind me.

citoyen · « **Reply #2426 on:** 12 May, 2021, 02:38:00 pm »

Remember I was going to print out a document.

Hit print button.

10 minutes later, try to look at document but realise I've not picked it up from the printer yet.

Go to printer*, see three copies of document sitting in out tray.

Back at computer, check print settings - no, I didn't request three copies, so this must mean...

I'm going senile.

(*The printer lives in the other side of the house, which is a good excuse for me to get up from my desk occasionally.)

Guy · « **Reply #2427 on:** 17 May, 2021, 10:46:35 am »

I went to Hitchin on Saturday. I had enough change in my pocket to pay the bus fare (local bus drivers seem to be allergic to £20 notes). Walking down Bancroft heading for Wilko's I realise I haven't got my wallet

I spent an unpleasant hour wandering around Hitchin in the pouring rain then caught the first available bus home.

Oh well, there's always next weekend.

grams · « **Reply #2428 on:** 17 May, 2021, 11:17:12 am »

1) Put in one pair of contact lenses
2) A bit of faffing later, put in second pair of contact lenses
3) Realise something's not right, remove them and start again.
4) Put in third pair of contact lenses
5) Realise that during step 3 I only removed the front pair (they normally stick together instantly)
6) Remove everything, ensure my vision is suitably blurry, then install 4th pair.

It's a good thing WFH means I have a stupidly large backlog to burn through.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #2429 on:** 17 May, 2021, 12:29:38 pm »

Made to put the pound coin, Mr Sainsbury’s House of Toothy Comestibles trolley for the liberation of, back in the cup-holder of the motor-car. Discovered it was not clutched in my grubby little paw after all. Turn out pocketses, scan the ground, check in the boot, turn out pocketses again. Return to trolley park. Oh. There it is

nuttycyclist · « **Reply #2430 on:** 17 May, 2021, 12:40:58 pm »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 17 May, 2021, 12:29:38 pm

Made to put the pound coin, Mr Sainsbury’s House of Toothy Comestibles trolley for the liberation of, back in the cup-holder of the motor-car. Discovered it was not clutched in my grubby little paw after all. Turn out pocketses, scan the ground, check in the boot, turn out pocketses again. Return to trolley park. Oh. There it is

This is why I have one of these on the keyring.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Altocl%C3%A9-Universal-Shopping-releases-everywhere/dp/B01MSJHZVN

T42 · « **Reply #2431 on:** 17 May, 2021, 01:48:38 pm »

Quote from: nuttycyclist on 17 May, 2021, 12:40:58 pm

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 17 May, 2021, 12:29:38 pm
Made to put the pound coin, Mr Sainsbury’s House of Toothy Comestibles trolley for the liberation of, back in the cup-holder of the motor-car. Discovered it was not clutched in my grubby little paw after all. Turn out pocketses, scan the ground, check in the boot, turn out pocketses again. Return to trolley park. Oh. There it is

This is why I have one of these on the keyring.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Altocl%C3%A9-Universal-Shopping-releases-everywhere/dp/B01MSJHZVN

"Currently unavailable". Must be stuck in a trolley somewhere.

Kim · « **Reply #2432 on:** 17 May, 2021, 02:52:40 pm »

Quote from: nuttycyclist on 17 May, 2021, 12:40:58 pm

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 17 May, 2021, 12:29:38 pm
Made to put the pound coin, Mr Sainsbury’s House of Toothy Comestibles trolley for the liberation of, back in the cup-holder of the motor-car. Discovered it was not clutched in my grubby little paw after all. Turn out pocketses, scan the ground, check in the boot, turn out pocketses again. Return to trolley park. Oh. There it is

This is why I have one of these on the keyring.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Altocl%C3%A9-Universal-Shopping-releases-everywhere/dp/B01MSJHZVN

I have the circular type clipped to one of my shopping panniers. This works really well, as it's right there when I want to liberate a trolley. (There isn't room on my keyring. It's full of keys, and I refuse to hoik a carabiner around everywhere. People might think I'm a lesbian.)

Unless I go by car, when I inevitably get to the trolleys and realise that I have neither token, nor shopping bags with me.

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #2433 on:** 17 May, 2021, 03:48:47 pm »

Quote from: Kim on 17 May, 2021, 02:52:40 pm

I refuse to hoik a carabiner around everywhere. People might think I'm a lesbian.)

Dear Aunt Agony,
I have a carabiner on my shopping backpack. I can't remember quite why it's there, I think it was a freebie and so I just put it there. I'm pretty sure I've never used it for anything. Does this mean I'm now a lesbian? Or have I been a lesbian all my life without realizing? So far, no one's told me they think I'm a lesbian, but that's probably because my shoes aren't sensible enough.
Confused of Kansas

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #2434 on:** 17 May, 2021, 04:45:54 pm »

I also have a freebie carabiner, loaded with keys, though I only ever use it when visiting Fort Larrington as it’s got the keys of said establishment on it. It’s too big and heavy to tote around all the time.

<== Part-time lesbian?

citoyen · « **Reply #2435 on:** 17 May, 2021, 05:03:27 pm »

Quote from: nuttycyclist on 17 May, 2021, 12:40:58 pm

This is why I have one of these on the keyring.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Altocl%C3%A9-Universal-Shopping-releases-everywhere/dp/B01MSJHZVN

Nifty!

Over the years, I have acquired an array of branded keyring trolley tokens given away as freebies - there's obviously good business in making these as marketing gimmicks to put in goody bags. The one that currently lives on my keyring is a Helly Hansen one. Because obviously.

They're better than pound coins that live in the cup holder in the car because it's easier resist the temptation to spend them on ice cream and then find yourself short of a token when you next go shopping. However, you have to remove them from the keyring to use them. This Altoclé thing looks somewhat superior.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #2436 on:** 17 May, 2021, 05:12:48 pm »

The other reason for not keeping a pound coin in the cup-holder is because light-fingered grease monkeys will steal it when you take your motor-car in for a service

nuttycyclist · « **Reply #2437 on:** 17 May, 2021, 09:55:14 pm »

Quote from: citoyen on 17 May, 2021, 05:03:27 pm

Quote from: nuttycyclist on 17 May, 2021, 12:40:58 pm
This is why I have one of these on the keyring.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Altocl%C3%A9-Universal-Shopping-releases-everywhere/dp/B01MSJHZVN

Nifty!

Over the years, I have acquired an array of branded keyring trolley tokens given away as freebies - there's obviously good business in making these as marketing gimmicks to put in goody bags. The one that currently lives on my keyring is a Helly Hansen one. Because obviously.

They're better than pound coins that live in the cup holder in the car because it's easier resist the temptation to spend them on ice cream and then find yourself short of a token when you next go shopping. However, you have to remove them from the keyring to use them. This Altoclé thing looks somewhat superior.

I used to have the freebie £1 replacement disks on the keyring, but the clips always broke. The car has numerous tokens in the little cupboard for them, but I don't usually have the car when I need a token.

I didn't like the price of that tool. I rarely go to a shop that requires said trolley token anyway.

I found it on a pavement so having recognised it picked it up in an effort to reduce litter

(If you look enough on youtube, apparently there are multiple ways of just taking a trolley without need for any tool. e.g. 02:30 to 02:45 of this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZpdDch2o4M )

Tim Hall · « **Reply #2438 on:** 17 May, 2021, 10:00:20 pm »

The branch of Mr Tesco's House of Toothy Comestibles that I frequent stopped needing pound coins/tokens/ect ect when Covid lockdown started. They have not reintroduced them.

Corona Bonus!

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #2439 on:** 18 May, 2021, 12:02:11 am »

Quote from: Tim Hall on 17 May, 2021, 10:00:20 pm

The branch of Mr Tesco's House of Toothy Comestibles that I frequent stopped needing pound coins/tokens/ect ect when Covid lockdown started. They have not reintroduced them.

Corona Bonus!

My local outpost of Mr Sainsbury’s House of Toothy Comestibles did likewise, but reintroduced them some tome ago. I guess our oiks are more persistent than yours.

Kim · « **Reply #2440 on:** 20 May, 2021, 07:22:56 pm »

Fitted a 16V electrolytic capacitor where it was going to be subject to about 28 volts. Nice dramatic explosion. Haven't had one like that for ages.

"Are you okay?" I ask barakta, who is sitting on the side of the room where I heard the shrapnel ricochet. "Why?" she says, having missed the BANG!...

Cleaned the schmoo off the board and replaced it with the 35V cap it should have been, noting that the diameter now matches the outline on the silkscreen, and engaged safety squint before powering up. Everything still works. Phew.

Mrs Pingu · « **Reply #2441 on:** 23 May, 2021, 10:33:32 pm »

Having hidden everything last week, I got the cheap Chinese tat indoor/outdoor thermometer back out and fed the probe through the open window, and duly closed the window, not noticing that the cord was going to be pressed up against a bit of metalwork in the corner.
So now I just have a cheap Chinese tat indoor thermometer.

I had noticed before I fed the probe outside that it was reading about 4°C lower than the indoor temp.

T42 · « **Reply #2442 on:** 24 May, 2021, 10:16:23 am »

Quote from: Kim on 20 May, 2021, 07:22:56 pm

Fitted a 16V electrolytic capacitor where it was going to be subject to about 28 volts. Nice dramatic explosion. Haven't had one like that for ages.

"Are you okay?" I ask barakta, who is sitting on the side of the room where I heard the shrapnel ricochet. "Why?" she says, having missed the BANG!...

Cleaned the schmoo off the board and replaced it with the 35V cap it should have been, noting that the diameter now matches the outline on the silkscreen, and engaged safety squint before powering up. Everything still works. Phew.

My first ever summer job, while I was still at school, was in a shop that sold and repaired tape recorders, everything from £5 Distort-o-matics up to pro Ferrographs costing half a car. One day I went into the workshop to find the air full of the stink of fart. "I just blew up a rectifier" said our tech, Jim.

I've never known to this day if 1960s rectifiers usually blew up with a fartacious pong, or if Jim was telling (after emitting) a porky one. If the latter it must have been heroic, for the workshop was quite large.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #2443 on:** 24 May, 2021, 10:21:16 am »

Can we have an honourable mention for Professor Larrington, who managed to trip a circuit breaker at Fort Larrington while making Tea this morning?

ian · « **Reply #2444 on:** 24 May, 2021, 10:23:51 am »

Did you do a 'let there be life!' in a cod-German accent like Dr Frankenstein as you flipped the switches. I always do.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #2445 on:** 24 May, 2021, 11:11:04 am »

I was still abed, so only learned of the incident some time later.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #2446 on:** 24 May, 2021, 04:16:05 pm »

If you unload your motor-car outside the front door of Larrington Towers then have to drive it round the block to park it legally, it is wise to remember to put the Toothy Comestibles you bought on the way home from Fort Larrington in the fridge straight away. Rather than, say, after ninety minutes of sprawling on the sofa and twatting around on the Intertubes

nuttycyclist · « **Reply #2447 on:** 27 May, 2021, 10:10:20 pm »

Spaghetti is supposed to be easy to cook.

Waiting for Mrs Nutty to get home my Sous-chef and I made a home made tomato sauce from scratch, planned meatballs from the freezer, lamb steaks from the freezer, an onion and mushroom sauce from scratch, salad from scratch, etc... i.e. we were having a "what can we find to eat without going shopping, and make meals for three separate tastebuds and which aren't going to be rejected" evening.

Right time on the clock to get the Spaghetti water on.
Induction hob turned to MAXIMUM
My nose started twitching, smoke was rising, I wrongly cursed recent visitors for dishwashing the saucepan and water getting above the plate.

Neither myself or 8 year old Sous-chef spotted that the pan had no water in it. Well, I did after smoke and pong levels had risen enough.

Extractor fan and opened windows were deployed, as was cold water into the pan.

Mrs Nutty arrived home, went to get changed, and examined all hair dryers and other electrical items as there appeared to be a problem

canny colin · « **Reply #2448 on:** 27 May, 2021, 10:36:27 pm »

Jumped on the surplus special trike & could not get my Look Delta shoes /pedals to engage . Next time I will take my new cleat covers off when I leave the cafe .

mrcharly-YHT · « **Reply #2449 on:** 31 May, 2021, 05:10:38 pm »

Decide I'm going to paint the (very rusty) railings at the front of the house while MrsC is away. Derust, paint. The sun is low while I'm finishing the painting, so I'm squinting a bit as I work.

Next day, look at railings. Few little spots missed, particularly around curlicues. NP, I'll touch that up.

Except I won't. Because I've painted it in Hammerite smooth, which has an overcoat time of 30m - 4hours or two weeks later.

Arse, and double arse. I could have touched it up the same day. Now I have to wait two weeks, which will be after MrsC returns.