The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[rafletcher]

Decide I'm going to paint the (very rusty) railings at the front of the house while MrsC is away. Derust, paint. The sun is low while I'm finishing the painting, so I'm squinting a bit as I work.

Next day, look at railings. Few little spots missed, particularly around curlicues. NP, I'll touch that up.

Except I won't. Because I've painted it in Hammerite smooth, which has an overcoat time of 30m - 4hours or two weeks later.

Arse, and double arse. I could have touched it up the same day. Now I have to wait two weeks, which will be after MrsC returns.

It’s in a marine environment. It’ll rust anyway. Just paint it.

[fimm]

Get changed to go cycling, collect bike, carry it downstairs, get on bike.
Only at this point do I realise that I am wearing my road cycling shoes, which have cleats, but am about to ride my mountain bike, which has flat pedals. So I had to go back up to the flat to change my shoes. Mr fimm thought this was hilarious.

[Basil]

Get changed to go cycling, collect bike, carry it downstairs, get on bike.
Only at this point do I realise that I am wearing my road cycling shoes, which have cleats, but am about to ride my mountain bike, which has flat pedals. So I had to go back up to the flat to change my shoes. Mr fimm thought this was hilarious.

I once stood next to my bike outside the front door ready for the morning commute with a strong feeling that something was wrong.  I eventually realised what it was.
"Ah, no cleats on these bedroom slippers."

[nuttycyclist]

Get changed to go cycling, collect bike, carry it downstairs, get on bike.
Only at this point do I realise that I am wearing my road cycling shoes, which have cleats, but am about to ride my mountain bike, which has flat pedals. So I had to go back up to the flat to change my shoes. Mr fimm thought this was hilarious.

I once stood next to my bike outside the front door ready for the morning commute with a strong feeling that something was wrong.  I eventually realised what it was.
"Ah, no cleats on these bedroom slippers."

My worst was...
arrive at work, take bike into server room.
take off lycra and hang on back of biggest and warmest server to dry
put on work suit left on rack overnight
 finish tying shoe laces ...    stand up ....  walk to door ...   realise trousers are still on the desk.

ten seconds later I'd have swiped the security card and entered the crowded foyer of the entire building waiting for the lifts to their floors.

[The Family Cyclist]

Pah once "lost" a sealskin sock I used to wear over my work socks when cycling home in winter. The really tight other shoe didn't give me enough of a clue that I'd stuck both extra socks on the same foot.

Incidentally in mid winter when it would freeze your camelbak tube I'd put a carrier bag between the socks for extra warmth

[chrisbainbridge]

Arrive at work to find underwear was still at home!  Cue for wearing two sets of Theatre scrubs

[robgul]

Get changed to go cycling, collect bike, carry it downstairs, get on bike.
Only at this point do I realise that I am wearing my road cycling shoes, which have cleats, but am about to ride my mountain bike, which has flat pedals. So I had to go back up to the flat to change my shoes. Mr fimm thought this was hilarious.

I once stood next to my bike outside the front door ready for the morning commute with a strong feeling that something was wrong.  I eventually realised what it was.
"Ah, no cleats on these bedroom slippers."

Yep - I did that about 3 weeks ago.

[graculus]

Cycled into work* this morning to sign a leaving card. Got back home to realise I'm not wearing my padded mitts . There's one clinging grimly to the rack where I put it after taking them off, so had to retrace my route in the hope of finding the other. I did, 100m away from work.

*OK, the education & environment centre for young people that I sometimes run sessions at. What with Covid and L.A. cuts I haven't been doing much for them of late.

[Tim Hall]

Didn't Andy Allsop turn up at the start of his first audax, look down at his feet and think "Crivens! These are not the clipless shoes I need."?  Extra bonus Divery is due, as his first Audax was LEL.

[hellymedic]

Arrive at work to find underwear was still at home!  Cue for wearing two sets of Theatre scrubs

Women have a distinct advantage here as a pair of knickers is so insubstantial that it's always possible to hide spare/emergency undies almost anywhere so they're usually available.

[Kim]

Arrive at work to find underwear was still at home!  Cue for wearing two sets of Theatre scrubs

Women have a distinct advantage here as a pair of knickers is so insubstantial that it's always possible to hide spare/emergency undies almost anywhere so they're usually available.

Trouser leg would be traditional...

[Beardy]

Arrive at work to find underwear was still at home!  Cue for wearing two sets of Theatre scrubs

Women have a distinct advantage here as a pair of knickers is so insubstantial that it's always possible to hide spare/emergency undies almost anywhere so they're usually available.

Trouser leg would be traditional...

only to be found after you have taken creative action to overcome the issues associated with going commando.

[Beardy]

The project continues and in spite of being knackered from the (up to now) 8 days of manual labour, mentally I’m feeling good. 

However, I have discovered why all the training films I watched as an apprentice said not to hold work pieces in the hand when using a screwdriver or (though no one would be so stupid) an electric drill. I now have a ‘tight’ red index finger with a neat 3mm pilot hole in it above the top knuckle. 

[hatler]

ouch

[nuttycyclist]

Who took my fettling injury title away from me whilst I had a sabbatical?

[Beardy]

Of course, the only interest shown by either of the nurses I currently live with (Dr Beardy and Ms Beardy the younger) is the possibility of it needing to be aspirated, a task which they may come to blows over who gets to do it! No actual sympathy obv.

[andrewc]

So , I bought a Panasonic Breadmaker.   Well regarded & pretty foolproof you'd think ?   You've not met this pretty fool.....   


1st loaf OK.
2nd loaf I added the dry ingredients , but forgot to add water.   I realised this when I opened the thing up after 4 hours to find a load of lightly toasted flour....
3rd loaf I added all the dry ingredients, added the water, set the thing to Go, then noticed the paddle sitting on the bench next to the machine, where I'd left it after cleaning up the previous mess.


 

[orienteer]

Next trick is to omit the yeast 

[Basil]

As it was quarter past four I thought I'd turn on the telly to see how the first 15 minutes had gone for the Welsh footy team.  I was presented with Gareth Bale in a post match interview.  Doh.

[nuttycyclist]

Next trick is to omit the yeast 

Been there, done that.

I couldn't decide whether to eat the cannonball or take it down the range and offer it to the cannon section to test.

[nuttycyclist]

Yesterday I found an unset mousetrap on the garage floor with a nibbled peanut.  I don't recall leaving it there.  I put it out of danger on a shelf.
This morning I noticed that the peanut was no more.
Conclusion: I have visitors again.

New peanut fitted, trap placed in yesterday's position.   Mental note made that it was a silly position and I mustn't step on it.



This evening, guess what I stepped on...

[Ashaman42]

A peanut?

[citoyen]

It’s fine to tip the poaching water from the pan straight down the sink.

Just remember to take the egg out first.

Especially if it was your last egg.

[Pingu]

You need to shell out for some more.

[Beardy]

It’s no yolk when you do that.