The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)

[ElyDave]

It didn't stop at Oslo
After getting to Stavanger abouot 9am, into the office for 10am, eventually to the hotel around 6pm, I checked in.

"Oh, I see you're aready checked in, it must be because you called to have us hold your room for tonight"

No. I got in the room, dumped my stuff, thought "Hmm, someone's left a bag here.  Actually there's a load of stuff in the bathroom as well.  Hmm, perhaps there's a fuckup going on here"

Big Norwegian bloke took it in good humour though, especially after his mate found me in the room as he dropped off said occupant's jumper.

New room found.

On the plus side though, my connection at Oslo this evening was so short that my bag actually came out first at Heathrow.  That's once in ten years.

[Mr Larrington]

Michael Gove 'social media distorts news and corrupts',.....ho ho ho, ha ha ha, he he he.......so that will be fake news then?

...says man whose wife writes for the Daily fucking Mail!

[hellymedic]

Is this a Bowie 'Laughing Gnome' parody?

We NEED one!

[ian]

The people around the corner who decide every year to clear their driveway of leaves and pile them in the road. In the middle of the road at the crest of the hill where they block traffic and eventually turn into a rotten, slippy pile of chutney.

They seem to think the council will mysteriously descend and make them disappear.

I was tempted to shovel them back onto their driveway, but in a quest for the moral higher ground I threw them into the hedgerow.

Fuckwits.

[fimm]

NO I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER CONVERSATION ABOUT F'ING BREXIT. IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN AND THERE'S NO WAY TO STOP IT SO WE'RE ALL F'ING SCREWED ANYWAY SO JUST SHUT THE F UP ABOUT IT OK?

And breathe....

[Wombat]

Well I've managed to let a few rant thread pages go by without contributing, but once again...


Fucking lying cuntiferous fucking bastard house vendors in Wales!  Are you all congenitally unable to tell anything like the truth?

We have been shat on once again, by a shitface bastard who categorically stated he was desperate to sell, accepted my offer, we signed contracts on it last week, and the whole thing was proceeding purely on the basis that if he hadn't completed on one of the houses they were following up, before Christmas, then they'd move into rented accommodation.  Now I get a message from my solicitor who is trying to arrange to exchange contracts in the next couple of days, that they won't be able to complete by December 20th (last possible day before Christmas) because they haven't found a house to buy, yet.  They've been looking since June, when they put their house in the middle of nowhere that no-one else on earth but us is interested in, on the market.  What the fuck have you been doing, you useless pair of shitweasels, just get out of that fucking house now, you cunts!  Its costing me £1000 a month to survive in temporary accommodation, with my possessions in Shrewsbury in a storage unit, poor little Alfie in a cattery in Llanfair Caereinion at £10 a night, so the price of the house (if we don't end up dropping it), is going to reduce by £1000 a month from now on.

Why us?  Three lying bastards one after the other, who engage in a sale, then fuck us about and cost us thousands.  Is there a single honest person left in Wales?

[Jaded]

Basil.

[Mrs Pingu]

This is $Chosen $Deity's way of suggesting you should buy a home in Scotland instead...

[Basil]

Basil.

Ta.   

By the way.  Are you interested in buying any mutton?

[Jaded]

Do I hear a rustle?

We do like mutton...

...buy maybe not as much as we like honest people the honest person living in Wales!

[Wombat]

Plenty of mutton available here, still on the hoof (do sheep have hooves?) Even a couple of little lambies born a couple of days ago, which surprised me a bit.  I think the sheep are better equipped to tell the truth than the humans, being unable to speak.

Much to-ing and fro-ing involving solicitors and the estate agent this morning... and most of it a trifle ill tempered, as the estate agent has been left in the lurch by a vendor who evidently evidently told him the same thing he told me, that they were definitely moving out.  The house won't appeal to many folk, and has been on the market since June, with nary a sniff but from us.  A lady in the village told us it was well known they were desperate to move, and no-one else wants their house, which really is in the middle of nowhere, and is too flash for most of the locals, 'cos the vendors have thrown vast amounts of money at it in the time they've been there.  Suits me, as I hardly need to touch it (if we do ever get there...) but its right on my maximum price limit.

[citoyen]

If anyone knows a workaround to stop Indesign including dummy text on master pages when I run a spell check, it might stop me killing someone.

(This is an FAQ on google, so at least I know I'm not the only one, but why the fuck haven't Adobe got the message yet that this feature would be A Good Idea...)

[ian]

Can you not just use dynamic spelling?

If I could make InDesign use the Mac's dictionary and tools, I'd be vastly happier. You have no idea how many times in a given day I try to pull a word definition or the big dinosaurus with a three-finger tap, then again, then again, before I remember that it doesn't, of course, fucking work with Adobe applications.

[citoyen]

Can you not just use dynamic spelling?

Hmmm, suppose I could. Tbh, I wasn't aware of that feature. It seems to be a reasonably workable solution.

I'd still like the option to disable master documents when speelchucking though. I'd also like the option to smack the designer round the head for the crime of leaving dummy text on master pages.

[ian]

Ah, I just got what you mean (bear with me, I'm simple), it's spell-checking the dummy text you have on a master page. I think that if you select 'no language' in the paragraph settings or your paragraph style for the dummy text on the master the spelling chicken won't bother. Works that way for the dynamic spelling option.

[citoyen]

Ah, I just got what you mean (bear with me, I'm simple), it's spell-checking the dummy text you have on a master page. I think that if you select 'no language' in the paragraph settings or your paragraph style for the dummy text on the master the spelling chicken won't bother. Works that way for the dynamic spelling option.

I've read about the [No language] workaround, but you have to go into the master page and manually change the setting on every language box, which is too painful to contemplate. And if you set the boxes to [No language] on the templates, you then have to manually change the language settings back on for every text box on your documents...

Turning on Dynamic Spellling and scanning the page for squiggly red lines is rather less irksome, though I imagine it might get a bit of a chore on long documents.

[ian]

Hmm, I was going to suggest styles, but they you'd have to flip each style in the same way. Does seem a bit dumb to check the masters, by definition they'll be inserting things into the actual document to be checked so don't really need a direct check.

I just spellcheck on-the-fly anyway.

I do find a lot of things in InDesign mildly annoying especially the select and snapping tools and the random ways hitting shift, option, and command modify things.

[Mr Larrington]

Dear Horseybank,

The outstanding balance on my credit card is zero, and I have a credit limit well in excess of what I'm ever likely to spend.  Why, then, does it get declined every time I try to use it and then you ring up and ask was this you and I say yes, yes it was but by then I have NO FUCKING CLUE whether I've bought 0, 1 or 2 of the item I tried to order.

Please to stop being dicks.

[Diver300]

Post Office,

Why the hell are you getting rid of the perfectly good online postage system, and replacing it with one that won't print on standard sticky labels, 4 to the A4 page, that I've been using for years? Printing right in the corner of an A4 page is just stupid, and using the bottom of the A4 sticky label to print a "from" address just wastes the bottom half and assumes that I'm the sort of knuckle dragger who would post stuff without a covering letter.

Yours previous system used labels that were a good size for most packages, and usually have nicely rounded corners to give a professional look. I'm not going to print on plain paper and sellotape to a package a corner of A4 that I have cut to your suggested dotted lines. Cutting paper to shape is something a machine does better than me.

And the log-in for the new system doesn't work on my laptop. I guess it's because the system is designed by some microsoft fanboy who's never heard of a Mac, and certainly doesn't think that anyone would ever fail to replace a year-old laptop.

[Kim]

Can we add having to jump through silly hoops to get the balance on your account with the old system refunded?

[hellymedic]

Can we add having to jump through silly hoops to get the balance on your account with the old system refunded?

After jumping through the silly hoops, it took over a week for my final £1.56 to reappear in my Current Account.

For many months, the final £10 has been unavailable to withdrawal. I spent some of it on postage but thought I wanted my money back. Taking 8 days to transfer a  trivial sum is unimpressive.

[Steph]

Dear Bookface. You use al sorts of sneakery to decide which pages to 'suggest to me as something I would like, but my own suggestion is that you get some new systems in.
FFS, the Conservatives?

I 'MIGHT LIKE' THE FUCKING CONSERVATIVES???

[hellymedic]

Dear Bookface. You use al sorts of sneakery to decide which pages to 'suggest to me as something I would like, but my own suggestion is that you get some new systems in.
FFS, the Conservatives?

I 'MIGHT LIKE' THE FUCKING CONSERVATIVES???

Have they only just started sending you these?

Wonder where I've gone wrong!

[Mr Larrington]

They suggested to me that I might like "Conservative Women".  I don't care how dirty they're reputed to be, Mr Zuckerberg, the answer is still a resounding "FUCK OFF".

[Diver300]

Post Office,

Why the hell are you getting rid of the perfectly good online postage system, and replacing it with one that won't print on standard sticky labels, 4 to the A4 page, that I've been using for years? Printing right in the corner of an A4 page is just stupid, and using the bottom of the A4 sticky label to print a "from" address just wastes the bottom half and assumes that I'm the sort of knuckle dragger who would post stuff without a covering letter.

Yours previous system used labels that were a good size for most packages, and usually have nicely rounded corners to give a professional look. I'm not going to print on plain paper and sellotape to a package a corner of A4 that I have cut to your suggested dotted lines. Cutting paper to shape is something a machine does better than me.

And the log-in for the new system doesn't work on my laptop. I guess it's because the system is designed by some microsoft fanboy who's never heard of a Mac, and certainly doesn't think that anyone would ever fail to replace a year-old laptop.

Well I actually got an email reply that seemed to be from a real person. They do have the 1/4 A4 option if I can get signed in.

Signing in seems to suffer from the https://secure7.arcot.com problem which is worth a whole rant thread on it's own. Certainly my web browser comes up with shedloads of errors about insecure pages. My Mac won't go beyond Chrome Version 49.0.2623.112 and the Windows PC seems happy with the sign-in. I don't understand why the insecurity doesn't bring up errors on all browsers.