Mordor Central

[hellymedic]

I will need to change trains at Birmingham New Street next Monday.
Do they have lifts yet or will I need to use be taken through the goods dungeon in my wheelchair?

[Kim]

They've had lifts for ages, as far as I can tell.  They're at the extreme 'A' end of the platform, and only the ones on platforms 6/7 and 8/9 actually go up to the surface (bypassing the ticket barrier, in fact) - all the others require a trip down into the bowels of Mt Doom to connect to another lift via a subway, so expect delays while confused people who don't/can't read signs work this out.

They're installing fabulous new retail opportunities, though, so it's entirely possible that a lift may be out of commission and the postal ramp at the 'B' end may need to be employed.


http://www.nationalrail.co.uk/stations/sjp/BHM/plan.html?rtnloc=BHM

[hellymedic]

Deep Joy. I have 24 minutes to get from 1A to 16.
If things go wrong there's no shortage of other trains from Mordor to That London.

[Kim]

Should be plenty of time, then.  The gotcha with Mordor Central isn't so much the time taken to get between platforms (even via the lifts with a loaded bike or wheelchair or whatever), but the short notice of last-minute platform changes.

ETA: Wait, what?  The platforms only go up to 12 

[hellymedic]

Ooops! Misread timetable! I arrive on 1A @ 14.26 and leave from 2 at 14.50.
Are they adjacent?

Train arrives on platform 16 at Euston FWIW.

[Polar Bear]

Fraid not.     You will need to get down to the south end of platform 1 and take the lift down to the dungeons.  The lifts for platforms 2 and 3 are only a few yards along the way once you're down there.

[hellymedic]

Thanks all!

[rogerzilla]

Are they virtual lifts like the ones at St Pancras?  On three consecutive years I caught the train from Bedford to London for the Dun Run, and each time the lift was out of order.

[Kim]

As you can imagine, I travel through Mordor Central with a bike fairly frequently.  The vast majority of the time, the lifts are working fine.

It's the platform 6/7 lift that's the real bugger, though.  That's the one that's on the natural route between the foyer and the subway, and when that one goes out of order (or is just backed up with confused people with prams and giant luggages^[1]), the whole lot grinds to a halt, and it can take a good 20 minutes to escape.


_{[1] Inevitably heading for the Stansted or Reading trains.}

[hellymedic]

The goods ramps are real. They should not be used by unauthorised people, I know...

[Kim]

The goods ramps are real. They should not be used by unauthorised people, I know...

Ah, but some of them are (or were, last time I used one for speed of last-minute platform change) boarded up, as they are part of the building site for the construction of Retail Opportunities.  DAHIKT.

[hellymedic]

Oh fuvg!

[Arch]

On my limited experience of it, I think Mordor Central should feature in one of the 'what went wrong and it turned out the future was shit' threads.

I avoid changing there when I go to my sister's, if at all possible, and I'm fit and mobile and not generally in possession of a bike. It's just so depressing!

[mcshroom]

Is it true that it doesn't meet design regulations now, so if they make any alterations to the station itself then the whole station would have to be shut and completely rebuilt?

[rower40]

Is it true that it doesn't meet design regulations now, so if they make any alterations to the station itself then the whole station would have to be shut and completely rebuilt?

Yes.  In Spades.

Beyond every stop signal on the railway is a distance of track called an "overlap".  It must be clear to allow the train to approach that signal - otherwise the signal before is held at red.  So at many stations where lines converge immediately after the platform, you can't bring train A into platform 1 at the same time as bringing train B out of platform 2 - because the Overlap beyond the signal at the end of platform 1 conflicts with the route out of platform 2.

BUT Birmingham New Street station has no overlaps.  So trains can come and go simultaneously on adjacent platforms.  The layout is non-compliant with modern signalling standards, and relies on "Grandfather Rights" - it was compliant with the standards at the time it was put in.  Any change would trigger the current standards being applied.  Then the capacity of the station would take a major hit, and the entire timetable of all trains through there would have to be re-cast.  X-country would have to divert at least one in four trains through there, and other train operators would have to cut their services similarly.

Some out-of-the-box thinking is needed here.  Don't watch this space - novel ideas are anathema to the current railway administrations.

[Kim]

Some out-of-the-box thinking is needed here.  Don't watch this space - novel ideas are anathema to the current railway administrations.

Take off and nuke the site from orbit, it's the only way to be sure...

[rogerzilla]

Having spent many evening rush hours in the early 1990s waiting for the train to Bournville*, I can confirm that there are nicer stations.  On the upside, it doesn't smell of piss much and it keeps the rain off.  On the downside, the word "dank" was invented for it.


*Jaded, this is NOT in the Profanisaurus.

[Kim]

It's only really the lifts, the toilets (I assume, I've never had the misfortune to have to pay to use one) and any passing Pendolinos that smell of piss.  The rest smells mostly of diesel fumes.  I've been known to have trouble breathing after a delayed connection at Mordor Central.

[rogerzilla]

The odd thing about stale diesel fumes is that they smell vaguely reminiscent of piss.  Until you smell the real thing, anyway; much more ammoniacal.

[TimO]

Amusingly, whilst I've gone through there a number of times, and also made connections, I've never actually had to use Mordor Central as an actual station, iyswim, ie I've no proof that there is actually anything outside of the place, it could just be an isolated station in the middle of nowhere... oh hang on...

[hellymedic]

Can any local resident tell me if the Tunnel of Doom is open between Platforms 1 & 2?

[David Martin]

Is this a stupid idea but would it be at all sensible to phone Mordor Central  (or whoever your ticket is booked with) and inform them that you will be in a wheelchair and in need of assistance to get from train A to train B? The Dundee staff have always been very helpful.

[hellymedic]

I had every intention of arranging assistance by phoning during office hours, after the Bank Holiday.
Booked assistance doesn't always materialise.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/road-and-rail-transport/9165540/Tanni-Grey-Thompson-I-was-forced-to-crawl-off-train.html

[rogerzilla]

Amusingly, whilst I've gone through there a number of times, and also made connections, I've never actually had to use Mordor Central as an actual station, iyswim, ie I've no proof that there is actually anything outside of the place, it could just be an isolated station in the middle of nowhere... oh hang on...

I'm afraid there is a worlde outside it, including (the last time I was there) one of the few 98p shops in Britain.

[Cunobelin]

Don't take this the wrong way as independence is important.

My wife is disabled and we had issues on a couple of occasions with catching trains.

We have now registered and always ask for assistance if there is likely to be a fast change or there are known platform issues. It puts the ball firmly in their court to ensure that they get from A to B in time for your train.

I know it is playing the system, and that you shouldn't need to - but if it works for you......