The Grumble Thread - No energy for a full on rant.

[Basil]

Dishwasher is kaput. Six months remain of the 5 year warranty. Engineer visited and found that a mouse had been living inside it, and not only has it eaten the wiring but also bits of the hard plastic inner panels. Sadly not covered by the guarantee...

I wonder how common this is?  We had ours fixed a couple of weeks ago for exactly the same reason.

[Basil]

I have just dug out a pannier that hasn't been used for a few months.
I then removed the banana lying at the bottom of said pannier.
 

[Kim]

At the moment I'm worrying about just how, with those little arms, a Tyrannosaurus would use a mobile phone. I suppose they'd have to use the speakerphone. It won't help them be discrete.

Isn't this why SMS was invented?

[ian]

At the moment I'm worrying about just how, with those little arms, a Tyrannosaurus would use a mobile phone. I suppose they'd have to use the speakerphone. It won't help them be discrete.

Isn't this why SMS was invented?

Can you imagine them texting on one of those dinner tray-sized Samsungs though? Then they drop it and there's all that palaver of them trying to pick it up. It's never going to end well.

When you look at it from this angle it's pretty clear why the dinosaurs died out. They were just unsuited to modern life. Unlike squirrels, who are ace at texting.

[TimC]

Squirrels may be the texting lookouts for bears.

[Andrew Br]

I have just dug out a pannier that hasn't been used for a few months.
I then removed the banana lying at the bottom of said pannier.
 

Some time ago I wondered what the funny smell coming from my wardrobe was.
Repeated investigations including removing everything and lots of cleaning didn't reveal anything.
The culprit turned out to be a banana in the top compartment of my rucsac.
It was probably 6 months old.

Much, much worse was the dead snail under the spare wheel in my ex-wife's car 

[fuzzy]

Mind you, my brain works like that. Only a small portion of my actual thinking is even subjectively useful. At the moment I'm worrying about just how, with those little arms, a Tyrannosaurus would use a mobile phone. I suppose they'd have to use the speakerphone. It won't help them be discrete.

Made me think of this t shirt I saw today

[Bledlow]

I can't find the link but someone once did a breakdown of a US factual TV format and from an hour of TV (18 minutes statutory adverts) there was a nicely symmetrical 18 minutes of actual programme. The remainder was 'coming up after the break' and then recapping what had happened before the break and general twizzle and filler.

Mind you, my brain works like that. ...

Over 30 years ago I was trying to do some work on a mainframe, & almost nothing was happening. Occasionally I'd get a response, then back to sleep. I phoned the operators.

A little while later, my job died, & then the phone rang. Operator, apologising for killing my job, & telling me why it had to be done, & why it had been running so slowly.

There were so may people logged in, doing so much work, that the computer was using all its resources to handle the scheduling of all those jobs. 

Mine wasn't in the top 10% or however many were allowed to keep running. "Try again later", I was told - that is, try again after they'd adjusted the scheduling parameters so that if it wasn't going to get enough resources to run, it wouldn't be allowed to start.

[ian]

I have just dug out a pannier that hasn't been used for a few months.
I then removed the banana lying at the bottom of said pannier.
 

Some time ago I wondered what the funny smell coming from my wardrobe was.
Repeated investigations including removing everything and lots of cleaning didn't reveal anything.
The culprit turned out to be a banana in the top compartment of my rucsac.
It was probably 6 months old.

Much, much worse was the dead snail under the spare wheel in my ex-wife's car 

Try a two week-old dead skunk in your car a/c. That's what happened to a friend of mine. He came back from some travels, started the car, and well. Anyway, it was a write-off. Some smells don't leave of any accord.

On other matters. I have no interest in sports. I've given up feigning an interest. Especially if it's football. I truly, truly don't care about football. I make this quite clear whenever someone – virtually always a taxi driver – mentions the topic. It never stops them. "No, I don't follow football," say I. "What about them Arsenals," says they. What about me not caring? For heaven's sake, I can get in a cab anywhere from Nigeria to New York and end up with Manchester United fan in the driving seat. And they just go on. And on. There used to be a time when it was a safe bet that women wouldn't talk about football. But not now, oh no, they're in on it.

For this very reason, I've invented the best sport ever, namely Trifle Diving. It has rules and everything. Any time I'm stuck in a back-seat football conversation now, I introduce Trifle Diving. See, I'm just back from a meeting of the World Trifle Diving Association. We were meeting to prepare our submission for inclusion in the Olympics. Or I'm back from 4th World Trifle Diving Competition. Or I got gold in the inaugural tournament, but now I coach Team GB. Yes, under Italian rules there is a tiramisu round. Trust me, I've had the opportunity to really think this out in some advanced detail. Given enough time, I can get the driver to seriously ask "what kind of jelly? Strawberry?" Of course!

A good Trifle Dive, btw, is called 'touching sponge'. The Canadian team currently hold the world title.

[Andrew Br]

For heaven's sake, I can get in a cab anywhere from Nigeria to New York and end up with Manchester United fan in the driving seat.

I'll say it before anyone else does; get a cab in Manchester. You can bet that the driver won't be a Utd. fan  .

[Bledlow]

But you'll have to put up with drivel about City!

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

Ian, I would like to learn Trifle Diving. Where can I go?

[Vince]

Ian, when are you publishing your book? I want a copy!

[Cudzoziemiec]

Trifle Diving

We can now close the thread.
World laughter supplies need replenishing.
(where do I sign up to the team?)

[CAMRAMan]

YACF forumites: If you express an interest in something I am giving away, at least then say you are no longer interested rather than letting things hang in the air. Oh, and if a collection day is arranged, and you have my phone number, at least let me know you're not going to come. Kthxbai.

[ian]

Ian, I would like to learn Trifle Diving. Where can I go?

I strongly recommend you start with an instructor formally accredited by the World Trifle Diving Association. There's a common assumption that Trifle Diving is easy. It is not. The physical properties of the five media are extreme. The cream can lull you into a false sense of security, but the custard can crack a head like a egg. Training Trifle Dives typically omit the custard layer for this reason. Even once you've learned to 'cross custard' you're still not hitting sponge. The combination of jelly and fruit brings an entire new set of challenges. Then there's the sponge. It's not just about touching sponge, though that's the buzz that drives many competitors, Trifle Diving scores are accorded through the technical merits of the dive itself, the way a competitor breaches the cream, custard, jelly, fruit and hopefully sponge. Amateurs typically wouldn't cross custard. Professionals would be expected to be touching sponge, but that's no guarantee. Extreme Trifle Divers may touch the very bottom. That's dangerous, there's nowhere to go once the sponge runs out. One thing to note, Harvey's Bristol Cream and QC are banned substances and the WTDA do monitor all competitors and dive trifles. A competition dive trifle, btw, is 2 metres deep with 0.5 m custard layer.

[ian]

Ian, when are you publishing your book? I want a copy!

Well, I have to finish it and find a publisher mad enough to publish 350,000 words of mad space robot related mayhem. I'm half way through the rewrite. They say everyone had a novel in them. That might be true. They also have intestines in them and like intestines, perhaps those novels should stay inside.

The vampire book is better though. That has a lesbian angel love triangle, a serial killer, a rather truculent ghost, and the Devil. Who's gone stir crazy. Oh, and the vampire who just happens to the coolest dead librarian ever. Oh and Croydon blows up. I feel safe that no one will steal this plot.

[essexian]

Left luggage at railway stations in the UK…. Why aren’t there any? I mean, I can remember the days when we were all scared that left luggage lockers would be used to house bombs and that sort of thing but why don’t major stations like Carlisle or Penrith have an office where you can leave your bags while you head off to the hills for a ride?

And yes, I could take my bag with me but as it’s a works trip and my bag will weigh around 20kg, I don’t really want to.

Why oh why oh why…… 

[Graeme]

Left luggage at railway stations in the UK…. Why aren’t there any? I mean, I can remember the days when we were all scared that left luggage lockers would be used to house bombs and that sort of thing but why don’t major stations like Carlisle or Penrith have an office where you can leave your bags while you head off to the hills for a ride?

And yes, I could take my bag with me but as it’s a works trip and my bag will weigh around 20kg, I don’t really want to.

Why oh why oh why……

Um? Left Luggage, or were you looking for one near you?

[essexian]

Yep, I know about them and have used them previously, but its the smaller stations like Carlisle and Penrith I was grumbling about.

Bloody London centric UK........ (other large cities are available  )

[Tim Hall]

Try a two week-old dead skunk in your car a/c. That's what happened to a friend of mine. He came back from some travels, started the car, and well. Anyway, it was a write-off. Some smells don't leave of any accord.

On other matters. I have no interest in sports. I've given up feigning an interest. Especially if it's football. I truly, truly don't care about football. I make this quite clear whenever someone – virtually always a taxi driver – mentions the topic. It never stops them. "No, I don't follow football," say I. "What about them Arsenals," says they. What about me not caring? For heaven's sake, I can get in a cab anywhere from Nigeria to New York and end up with Manchester United fan in the driving seat. And they just go on. And on. There used to be a time when it was a safe bet that women wouldn't talk about football. But not now, oh no, they're in on it.

The lift attendant in a Lagos hotel once asked me if I was going to watch the match. I said, no I didn't do football, but asked was he a Man Utd fan. "Oh no sir. I follow Chelsea". In much the same way as Michael Palin playing an ex leper.

For this very reason, I've invented the best sport ever, namely Trifle Diving. It has rules and everything. Any time I'm stuck in a back-seat football conversation now, I introduce Trifle Diving. See, I'm just back from a meeting of the World Trifle Diving Association. We were meeting to prepare our submission for inclusion in the Olympics. Or I'm back from 4th World Trifle Diving Competition. Or I got gold in the inaugural tournament, but now I coach Team GB. Yes, under Italian rules there is a tiramisu round. Trust me, I've had the opportunity to really think this out in some advanced detail. Given enough time, I can get the driver to seriously ask "what kind of jelly? Strawberry?" Of course!

A good Trifle Dive, btw, is called 'touching sponge'. The Canadian team currently hold the world title.

You'll be stuffed if you need legal advice thobut. On account of de minimis non curat lex.

[jsabine]

For this very reason, I've invented the best sport ever, namely Trifle Diving.

You'll be stuffed if you need legal advice thobut. On account of de minimis non curat lex.

<Applause>

(For both of you.)

[Guy]

The sun is shinining. The sky is blue. There's no wind to speak of. Little fluffy balls of cotton wool are drifting across the sky. All the burrdies are singing. The air smells fresh and green. I should be out playing on my bike, not stuck in this poxy office until 4 o'clock

[tiermat]

FFS, $COMPANY_THAT_CURRENTLY_WORK_FOR.  GET YOUR BLOODY FINGER OUT!

Once again you have missed the payment deadline.

You expect me to turn up and do the work, I don't think it is unreasonable to expect you to PAY ME FOR THAT WORK!!!!!!!

Reason this isn't in the Rant thread is because I expected this situation to happen, despite me chasing the invoice...

[ian]

You'll be stuffed if you need legal advice thobut. On account of de minimis non curat lex.

You should have, of course, ka-BOOMed that.