Go Turkish for Imam biyaldi. Will blow your mind.
Rant at something worthwhile, like dragonfruit- look amazing and taste of absolutely zero.
I have ventured through the entire rubbery landscape of aubergine, from the Palace of Disappointment through to the rolling Foothills of Despair. I've walked the streets of the grand city of Meh. I've listened to the pleadings of the people. I've been petitioned before the court of King Brinjal, and attended the Church of the Holy Eggplant Pope. Nothing they say, no whispered blessing, no furtive bribe, can turn me. The truth is taller than any mountain, deeper than any sea. The aubergine is dull. Sure, it dresses up nice, but believe me, an evening with an aubergine is going nowhere.
You may as well eat decaying rubber grommets.
And with you on the dragonfruit though. I remember years ago in Hong Kong seeing one, carved up in the breakfast buffet. I'm having you, my little mysterious juicy fruit. I may as well have ate my spoon. Another food item dressed to the nines in promise.