the food rant thread

[hatler]

I neglected to determine the cause of the rank smell emanating from the nether recesses of the boot of my Healey Sprite on a month long tour of Europe when I was a student. I couldn't eat goats cheese for about twenty years after that.

[lahoski]

Real cheese should be yellow and cheddary...

Real cheese should be so ripe it tries to escape.

Goats cheese? It should literally taste like you are licking a goat, albeit a creamy, delicious goat.

[L CC]

Goats cheese? It should literally taste like you are licking a goat, albeit a creamy, delicious goat.

If anyone  ever wants rid of me, presenting goats cheese on celery would be a pretty rapid way of doing so.

[Mrs Pingu]

Real cheese should be yellow and cheddary...

Real cheese should be so ripe it tries to escape.

Goats cheese? It should literally taste like you are licking a goat, albeit a creamy, delicious goat.

That reminds me of cycling round Corsica. You could tell there was going to be a herd of goats in the middle of the road round the next blind corner because I would be salivating

[Kim]

Pavlov's goat?

[Mrs Pingu]

Pavlov's goat?

[Pingu]

Mmm.... cheese 

Remember the Brébis in Corsica, Mrs P?

[Pingu]

Anyway, we still want plates:


IMG_5128 by The Pingus, on Flickr

[menthel]

Anyway, we still want plates:


IMG_5128 by The Pingus, on Flickr

The food is hiding in the corners, are they scared of each other?

[T42]

Anyway, we still want plates:


IMG_5128 by The Pingus, on Flickr

Someone should have strangled Bocuse in 1950.

[Cudzoziemiec]

The thing bottom left, is that the paw print of a blood thirsty six-clawed bear?

[hellymedic]

I thought it was a footprint of a resident of [insert 'joke' location here] County.

[Jaded]

Does crime brûlée go with roasted arm with a light wristwatch dressing?

[Cudzoziemiec]

Does crime brûlée go with roasted arm with a light wristwatch dressing?

Crime brûlée is what GruB eats!

[Jaded]

[fuzzy]

WTF is that?

Also, is that bread served up in a climbers chalk bag?

[Ham]

WTF is that?

Also, is that bread served up in a climbers chalk bag?

It's the updated equivalent of the ploughman's lunch, now you don't have that many ploughmen. It's the roofer's lunch. Not quite so poetic, but it comes complete with rubber suckers underneath the comestibles to stop them sliding off pitches up to 40^o. Oh yes, and other suckers prepared to pay the inflated prices....

[cygnet]

What kind of pudding did you get to eat with (only) a knife?

[Jaded]

I moved the knife for scale. 

[menthel]

All this slate as plates, what's going on is it the great Welsh China shortage?

I really do bloody hate the whole thing. Have been to Le Manoir and Le gavroche over the past year and both used plates to hold their food. It didn't need to be mounted on building materials.

[contango]

On a similar theme. Seeded loaves what is the point in those ? The seeds never actually make it to your mouth. They will however distribute themselves all over the car on the way back from the supermarket and then all over the kitchen once you get home.

I know it's an old post but I have to reply to this.

The purpose of sesame seeds is to look pretty. The purpose of poppy seeds is to look pretty, then lodge between your teeth where they remain until the day you die. Or have the tooth extracted. Bonus marks for lodging into a prominent position just before a crucial meeting or job interview. Or if you're having dinner during a first date.

[contango]

Yeahbut if FOH staff adopted computer science principles, then each table's cutlery allocation would consist of n fsporks.

Or, more likely, you'd get the knife and fork delivered with the soup you ordered for starters. The waiter would tell you it was a beta version and you should try to learn to live with it for now while they improve it. Then once the soup bowl was taken away the spoon would arrive with great fanfare, alongside your steak. The steak knife would show up slightly after you'd eaten your dessert, along with the bill. Then nobody would understand how the leading cause of injury among waiting staff was the insertion of steak knives into all sorts of places that weren't designed to take them.

[geraldc]

Spent the week travelling round the highlands on Holiday. I was introduced to quality home made marmalade. I've come to the conclusion Robertsons Golden Shred is p!ss, and doesn't deserve to be called marmalade, and am now looking at either making my own, or sourcing a true marmalade in London.

[ian]

Surely some daring chef du jour, an agent provocateur de cuisine is willing to serve soup on a slate. A thick soup, spread liberally, would cling like wallpaper paste, and enable the discerning gastropub diner to scrape away with a slice of their artisanal sourdough. A combination of colours could be use to create a swirl of graffiti across your soup, perhaps a green artichoke and rustic ham, with a 'tag' dashed through it with a spicy red pepper tapenade.

In other matters, chefs with foam. Foam belongs in my bath, not on my fucking dinner plate. Fuck off. What next, a spritz of asparagus spittle?

[spesh]

What next, a spritz of asparagus spittle?

Don't go giving them ideas.