Author Topic: the food rant thread  (Read 228640 times)

Mr Larrington

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #925 on: 07 January, 2016, 04:49:35 pm »
Nespresso lost its appeal when Nestle brought out commercial Nespresso that were a different shape that meant people couldn't half inch capsules from their place of work.

The rotters!  Have they never read "Build A Better Life By Stealing Office Supplies"?

I have a small espresso machine somewhere.  That Miss von Brandenburg didn't take it with her along with the ironing board shows how much use it got.  Also I've lost the instructions.
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Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

ian

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #926 on: 07 January, 2016, 10:55:05 pm »
I never understood Nespresso. Was making coffee ever that difficult it required it to be delivered in expensive little capsules by George Clooney? Put some coffee in a pot, pour hot water over it. Erm, that's about it. I only have a Cuisinart CoffeeBot v2.0 because my wife's doesn't have an early morning coffee making function. Attempts to activate it seem to trigger the incredulity mode. The only thing she does in the kitchen is tut at the mess I'm always apparently in the process of making.

I have a week of Proudly Brewed by Starbucks conference coffee coming up. I've been the hotel before, you know what the alternative is. Starbucks itself. I think the organiser just go there and buy a big americano (I'm not fucking saying venti or grande either) and the dilute it to homeopathic proportions to serve to 700 people.

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #927 on: 07 January, 2016, 11:05:19 pm »
Clooney was brought in to sell Nespresso to the US and UK. Nespresso managed to conquer most of Europe by itself. I haven't been to a hotel in Europe for a couple of years that didn't have a Nespresso in the room.  Nespresso is consistent and easy to clean up.

ian

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #928 on: 07 January, 2016, 11:16:22 pm »
Possibly in a hotel, but I never trust hotel coffee facilities, I think the staff spit in them. But your own sacred kitchen? Really, you want to recreate the bartonfink experience in your own home? I don't. But then I've spent entire decades in hotels. Or so it feels. I only say in hotels as quirky as I can twist the mothership's expense system these days, gawd knows I don't want to see the inside of another Marriott* or Hilton. Kimptons are quite nice and the mothership hasn't yet managed to root them out of the approved list. They bring decent coffee to my room. Mind you, I suppose they might have a Nespresso machine in the kitchen.

*with the exception of the one in Melville, Long Island, which makes me feel like I starring in unshown episode of Space 1999. I once detailed this in a long explanation to younger female colleague (yes, they're safe, I've been married long enough to find other women a foreign country with unfamiliar customs) and about two hours and four drinks later she's (like) what's Space 1999.

Another two hours and four drinks later she probably regretted asking.

contango

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #929 on: 08 January, 2016, 05:15:24 am »
I don't think I've used my (cheap'n'cheerful) espresso machine since I got my Aeropress. It's just so much nicer IMO.

Same.... It's really difficult being enthusiastic when someone offers to treat you with something from their ne*presso machine. 

"we've got some lovely vanilla flavoured pods, would you like one?"  No.  No I wouldn't.

That reminds me of the father of a many-years-ago former girlfriend, who was utterly taken with Teachers whisky. So to gain a few brownie points I used to get him a bottle for birthdays and Christmas. He was always particularly struck by the fact it was a litre bottle rather than the regular 700ml bottles.

In turn it created a potentially awkward situation because he'd inevitably offer to open the bottle and share it with me. I love whisky, although in my book Teachers is best suited for putting into cheap coffee. Thankfully I usually had to drive so always had a good excuse not to share the wretched stuff.

It's always sad when someone has a fancy machine and uses it to produce utter crap. It's also a little awkward when someone knows I just love coffee and offers something so far removed from anything I'd consider to be coffee that it's a balancing act between trying hard not to grimace when drinking it or coming up with an excuse to not drink it. Thankfully most such encounters occur in the evening, which provides for a handy "I'd love to but coffee this late will keep me awake".
Always carry a small flask of whisky in case of snakebite. And, furthermore, always carry a small snake.

menthel

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #930 on: 08 January, 2016, 10:13:24 am »
Clooney was brought in to sell Nespresso to the US and UK. Nespresso managed to conquer most of Europe by itself. I haven't been to a hotel in Europe for a couple of years that didn't have a Nespresso in the room.  Nespresso is consistently shite and bad for the environment.

FTFY

Mr Larrington

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #931 on: 08 January, 2016, 10:24:13 am »
*with the exception of the one in Melville, Long Island, which makes me feel like I starring in unshorn episode of Space 1999. I once detailed this in a long explanation to younger female colleague (yes, they're safe, I've been married long enough to find other women a foreign country with unfamiliar customs) and about two hours and four drinks later she's (like) what's Space 1999.

Another two hours and four drinks later she probably regretted asking.


Reminds me of the time my chum Mr Lem found himself explaining who Devo were to a twenty-something PSO.  It was later observed that it was a good job my grate frend Mr Krause was not around that year due to his marked resemblance to Frank Zappa.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #932 on: 08 January, 2016, 05:33:48 pm »
Same.... It's really difficult being enthusiastic when someone offers to treat you with something from their ne*presso machine. 
"we've got some lovely vanilla flavoured pods, would you like one?"  No.  No I wouldn't.
On 25/12, at my sister's house, I had to feign delight at being served such slurry. "We got them especially for you, as we know you like good coffee." She'd made an effort, I spose, so it would've been churlish to do anything other than pretend to like it. Except, I'll get the same thing next time I visit.

The thing is, she has my good coffee when she visits me and sees how much time and effort goes into each cup that she declares is 'de-lish' and keenly accepts another cup. Why then, does she think that a nasty little sachet thingy is going to produce a beverage of equal quality? And it's Nestlé. And she reads the Daily Heil.
Haggerty F, Haggerty R, Tomkins, Noble, Carrick, Robson, Crapper, Dewhurst, Macintyre, Treadmore, Davitt.

Kim

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #933 on: 08 January, 2016, 05:36:42 pm »
The thing is, she has my good coffee when she visits me and sees how much time and effort goes into each cup that she declares is 'de-lish' and keenly accepts another cup. Why then, does she think that a nasty little sachet thingy is going to produce a beverage of equal quality? And it's Nestlé. And she reads the Daily Heil.

This may be your answer.  Just need a "sachet coffee causes cancer" story.  There should be one along shortly.

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #934 on: 08 January, 2016, 05:45:06 pm »
As the cook-in-the-bag chicken in the fridge was getting to its use-by date, I emailed home to ask that it be put into the oven according to the instructions. So, what happens? Instructions are ignored and the bag cut open and the ex-bird put into the oven. FFS!
Haggerty F, Haggerty R, Tomkins, Noble, Carrick, Robson, Crapper, Dewhurst, Macintyre, Treadmore, Davitt.

contango

  • NB have not grown beard since photo was taken
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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #935 on: 09 January, 2016, 04:04:09 am »
Same.... It's really difficult being enthusiastic when someone offers to treat you with something from their ne*presso machine. 
"we've got some lovely vanilla flavoured pods, would you like one?"  No.  No I wouldn't.
On 25/12, at my sister's house, I had to feign delight at being served such slurry. "We got them especially for you, as we know you like good coffee." She'd made an effort, I spose, so it would've been churlish to do anything other than pretend to like it. Except, I'll get the same thing next time I visit.

The thing is, she has my good coffee when she visits me and sees how much time and effort goes into each cup that she declares is 'de-lish' and keenly accepts another cup. Why then, does she think that a nasty little sachet thingy is going to produce a beverage of equal quality? And it's Nestlé. And she reads the Daily Heil.

Why does she believe? Because the marketing men told her, so it must be so. If you choose to spend half an hour grinding beans by hand to the perfect coarseness, tamping a precisely measured quantity into a basket by hand and to a specific pressure, then waiting for the water to heat to the required temperature before being forced through the grounds at just the right pressure, and all the while you could have just dropped a pod in a machine and pressed the button, that's your issue rather than hers.

The alternative is that "good coffee" means different things to different people. Just look at the people standing in line at Charbucks to get their daily fix of warm brown disappointment.
Always carry a small flask of whisky in case of snakebite. And, furthermore, always carry a small snake.

Tigerrr

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #936 on: 09 January, 2016, 07:34:13 am »
I have a nespresso. I admit I don't have enough beard to spend all that time grinding, tamping, cleaning and tweaking a shrine in the kitchen. It works OK and cheaper than Nero, although not as good as from kiwi lumberjacks.
It
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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #937 on: 09 January, 2016, 08:25:42 am »
I'm glad I can't drink coffee. I might end up as up my own arse as much as all you coffee snobs.

Dibdib

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #938 on: 09 January, 2016, 08:35:05 am »
Exactly. It's possible to like both. I hang around with enough full-on coffee geeks (one of my good friends is a full time barista at an indie coffee place and is about as nerdy about it as some people here are about [obscure bike topic]) but if someone makes me a cup of instant, that's fine too.

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #939 on: 09 January, 2016, 09:23:59 am »
It's also possible to find some variations on a coffee theme to be either particularly nice or particularly minging without it turning you into a snob.

Besides, this *is* a rant thread.

Dibdib

  • Fat'n'slow
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #940 on: 09 January, 2016, 09:43:29 am »
It's also possible to find some variations on a coffee theme to be either particularly nice or particularly minging without it turning you into a snob.

Besides, this *is* a rant thread.

Oh god, yes. People who think espresso is The One True Coffee any anything less is watery mud. *eye roll*

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #941 on: 09 January, 2016, 10:07:54 am »
Ignoring the two minutes it takes for the machine to warm up, it takes <1 minute to knock out a decent, milky coffee.
Haggerty F, Haggerty R, Tomkins, Noble, Carrick, Robson, Crapper, Dewhurst, Macintyre, Treadmore, Davitt.

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #942 on: 09 January, 2016, 10:16:34 am »
It's also possible to find some variations on a coffee theme to be either particularly nice or particularly minging without it turning you into a snob.

Besides, this *is* a rant thread.

Oh god, yes. People who think espresso is The One True Coffee any anything less is watery mud. *eye roll*

I hate to tell you this, but you've been mixing with pretty amateur coffee snobs if they are telling you this.

If they've not even muttered the words 'refractometer', 'hario', 'v60', 'sowden', 'bonavita immersion' or 'cold brew' then you should fuck them right out of the door and get yourself a proper snob.

Dibdib

  • Fat'n'slow
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #943 on: 09 January, 2016, 10:19:28 am »
Oh god, yes. People who think espresso is The One True Coffee any anything less is watery mud. *eye roll*
I hate to tell you this, but you've been mixing with pretty amateur coffee snobs if they are telling you this.
Oh dear, no. I don't mix with those amateurs... But there's a fuckload of them about.

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #944 on: 09 January, 2016, 10:49:51 am »
Ignoring the two minutes it takes for the machine to warm up, it takes <1 minute to knock out a decent, milky coffee.

I didn't realise you needed to let a Nespresso warm up.

Mr Larrington

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #945 on: 09 January, 2016, 01:15:05 pm »
Ignoring the two minutes it takes for the machine to warm up, it takes <1 minute to knock out a decent, milky coffee.

MILKY!!1!  You might as well drink horriblemarket own-brand instant if you're going to put that muck in it!

<g,d&r>
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hellymedic

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #946 on: 09 January, 2016, 01:28:51 pm »
I'm glad I can't drink coffee. I might end up as up my own arse as much as all you coffee snobs.

I can drink coffee but choose Sainsbury's Gold Roast Instant as my Brown Liquid of choice when at home.
I leave coffee/wine/food snobbery to others and enjoy the rest of my life.

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #947 on: 09 January, 2016, 02:05:08 pm »
Ignoring the two minutes it takes for the machine to warm up, it takes <1 minute to knock out a decent, milky coffee.

MILKY!!1!  You might as well drink horriblemarket own-brand instant if you're going to put that muck in it!

<g,d&r>
Oh, but this is organic goats milk from a flock reared on virgin grass. And the coffee goes into the milk, not vice-versa, from a height of 93mm.
Haggerty F, Haggerty R, Tomkins, Noble, Carrick, Robson, Crapper, Dewhurst, Macintyre, Treadmore, Davitt.

Mr Larrington

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #948 on: 09 January, 2016, 02:11:40 pm »
Ignoring the two minutes it takes for the machine to warm up, it takes <1 minute to knock out a decent, milky coffee.

MILKY!!1!  You might as well drink horriblemarket own-brand instant if you're going to put that muck in it!

<g,d&r>
Oh, but this is organic goats milk from a flock reared on virgin grass. And the coffee goes into the milk, not vice-versa, from a height of 93mm.

This is not just a shovel, this is a precision digging implement milled from a solid ingot of stainless steel by German craftsmen who have served a five year apprenticeship before they're even allowed to switch the workshop lights on without supervision ;D
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #949 on: 09 January, 2016, 02:42:36 pm »
Wouldn't a shovel be wrought, as opposed to milled? Only asking, like...
Haggerty F, Haggerty R, Tomkins, Noble, Carrick, Robson, Crapper, Dewhurst, Macintyre, Treadmore, Davitt.