Author Topic: the food rant thread  (Read 228572 times)

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #75 on: 04 May, 2015, 09:25:02 pm »
Brown sauce is a thing. Red sauce is not a thing. It's called ketchup. If that's too hard for you, and you get confused and require the colour to help you differentiate, you don't deserve to eat. Any party bringing in on the spot fines for people referring to ketchup as red sauce, gets my vote

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #76 on: 04 May, 2015, 09:28:11 pm »
Red sauce = (Mostly) tomatoes.

Brown sauce = WTF?

hellymedic

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #77 on: 04 May, 2015, 09:36:11 pm »
Tomatoes and caramel.

Mrs Pingu

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #78 on: 04 May, 2015, 10:13:06 pm »
Burger joint with the trays I referenced further upthread - what's the meaning of sticking us side by side at a bar but giving us both our burgers and chips on the same (small) tray? We might be close but we're not joined at the skull.
I did get a plate after I girned.

Also, get some frikkin lights that aren't red, I can hardly read the menu.
Yes, I know the old git thread is over there <<<<
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Mrs Pingu

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #79 on: 07 May, 2015, 07:47:29 pm »
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

ian

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #80 on: 07 May, 2015, 08:11:06 pm »
Oi Hotel. €27.50 for breakfast. You, good herren, are having a laff. That's one hell of a cheese sandwich and a cup of coffee. I fucked off down the street to the Literaturhaus, where not only did I feel smarter, but they had pancakes and maple syrup, the proper syrup squeezed out of a tree by bears. Later, I sat in a nice restaurant, munching currywurst, and calculated just how many cheese and ham rolls, omelettes and bowls of cryptic Germanic cereals possibly made our rusty metal I'd have to eat. A lot, that's the answer I came up with.

As a plus side, I went to a buffet with the good burghers of Charlotteburg, and the they had both a snake and a tortoise made out of meat tartare. As I'm not going to eat the stuff, I might as well be impressed with their culinary artistic nous.

Pingu

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #81 on: 09 May, 2015, 09:23:16 pm »
...good burghers of Charlotteburg, and the they had both a snake and a tortoise made out of meat tartare...

But not good burgers?

Andrij

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #82 on: 10 May, 2015, 09:54:44 pm »
What do the BRITONS have against decent bread, especially in pubs?  So many meals, some very nice, have been let down by a poor excuse for bread.  It has come to the point I generally avoid meals which include bread, but I slipped in today's visit to my local for some grub.   The cheeseburger was as good as I anticipated (this same pub tries to pass of pita as naan, and in East London!) but the bun was horrid.  And they appear to have run out of plates and served my meal on a cutting board.
;D  Andrij.  I pronounce you Complete and Utter GIT   :thumbsup:

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #83 on: 10 May, 2015, 11:04:36 pm »
Cutting boards have even reached Darlo...


Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #84 on: 11 May, 2015, 09:03:55 am »
A, 'planks'.

When my son first started cheffing for Jamies, only Jamies had planks and he thought they were so cool, so wonderful.

Two years later, he's still working for Jamies and his opinion on planks "If I ever seen another fucking plank again I'm going to explode."
<i>Marmite slave</i>

ian

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #85 on: 11 May, 2015, 10:19:50 am »
Got a burger on a plank Saturday evening. My wife got fish and chips. Also on a plank. Oh and chips in a pail. Ticking all the boxes. I won't name and shame though, because the food and beer was good. I did ask though, apparently people 'expect planks'. I'm not sure how you're supposed to eat fish and chips off a flat piece of wood (with great difficulty, it seemed), and my salad ended up free-range all over the table.

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #86 on: 11 May, 2015, 10:51:44 am »
I know my hands don't function well and I have abysmal table manners as a result but I am having increasing difficulty eating 'knife and fork' food when it is served in a bowl.
Bowls are for spoon food, like soup and some puddings!
PLATES are for knife and fork food...

tiermat

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #87 on: 11 May, 2015, 10:52:24 am »
I took Mrs T out for a belated birthday lunch on Saturday.

Disappointingly all the food arrived on plates!

The first word of the last sentence may be a lie. :)
I feel like Captain Kirk, on a brand new planet every day, a little like King Kong on top of the Empire State

Andrij

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #88 on: 11 May, 2015, 01:37:47 pm »
Even the World Service is having a go.
;D  Andrij.  I pronounce you Complete and Utter GIT   :thumbsup:

ian

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #89 on: 12 May, 2015, 10:31:44 pm »
That stuff. The curious cellophane-like material that food manufacturers deem suitable for packaging stuff like dried pasta, nuts, and other eminently scatterable comestibles. It's not suitable. It's deeply and profoundly not suitable. It's as suitable as using chocolate for aeroplane wings or a spacesuit made of batter. Now there's pecan halves all over my kitchen floor. That fucking material, no matter how gently you try to tear open of the packet, the moment your mind skitters off to ponder the existential mysteries of life and nutty, nutty snacky goodness, the entire thing tears open scattering the contents to the four distant corners of the kitchen. Yes, I could use scissors, but they're in the drawer on the other side of the kitchen and I want nutty, nutty, snacky goodness now. I'm not patient, I'm a man. How did they fit so many nuts in the packet? I swear they're everywhere. It's like someone exploded a pecan factory. There must be a tonne. There's probably an entire army of squirrels outside, like it's some bizarre rodent finale to Lord of the Rings. Food packing fuckers, wasn't tetrapack enough? Was not enough milk sacrificed by our clumsy fingers, enough juice spattered up walls and across ceilings? Weren't frangible corned beef can keys enough to try our sanity beyond the point it bends and breaks? Oh no, you had to invent this stuff. And for the record, those sticky little tabs you claim are for securing the packets. No, they don't work either, and you know it. It's no-glue, that what it is. It feels sticky. It fools you into thinking it might be sticky. But the moment the cupboard closes, it's done. You reach in the following day and take out your sealed packet, and a pasta avalanche buries your feet. I hate those food packaging evil-doers.

And in other matters. I was in the Congo the other year (the not-so-democratic one). Um Bongo? They don't fucking drink it in the Congo after all. What next? Kia Ora not too orangey for crows?

Mr Larrington

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #90 on: 12 May, 2015, 10:46:11 pm »
And in other matters. I was in the Congo the other year (the not-so-democratic one). Um Bongo? They don't fucking drink it in the Congo after all. What next? Kia Ora not too orangey for crows?

And that Red Bull, eh?  It's not red, it doesn't contain cows and it doesn't give you wings.  It's no wonder your racing cars are so shit this year; you've been putting the stuff in the petrol tank, haven't you?  This is what happens when your team boss becomes romantically involved with a Spice Girl.  Not Renault's fault at all...
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menthel

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #91 on: 13 May, 2015, 10:18:01 am »
That stuff. The curious cellophane-like material that food manufacturers deem suitable for packaging stuff like dried pasta, nuts, and other eminently scatterable comestibles. It's not suitable. It's deeply and profoundly not suitable. It's as suitable as using chocolate for aeroplane wings or a spacesuit made of batter. Now there's pecan halves all over my kitchen floor. That fucking material, no matter how gently you try to tear open of the packet, the moment your mind skitters off to ponder the existential mysteries of life and nutty, nutty snacky goodness, the entire thing tears open scattering the contents to the four distant corners of the kitchen. Yes, I could use scissors, but they're in the drawer on the other side of the kitchen and I want nutty, nutty, snacky goodness now. I'm not patient, I'm a man. How did they fit so many nuts in the packet? I swear they're everywhere. It's like someone exploded a pecan factory. There must be a tonne. There's probably an entire army of squirrels outside, like it's some bizarre rodent finale to Lord of the Rings. Food packing fuckers, wasn't tetrapack enough? Was not enough milk sacrificed by our clumsy fingers, enough juice spattered up walls and across ceilings? Weren't frangible corned beef can keys enough to try our sanity beyond the point it bends and breaks? Oh no, you had to invent this stuff. And for the record, those sticky little tabs you claim are for securing the packets. No, they don't work either, and you know it. It's no-glue, that what it is. It feels sticky. It fools you into thinking it might be sticky. But the moment the cupboard closes, it's done. You reach in the following day and take out your sealed packet, and a pasta avalanche buries your feet. I hate those food packaging evil-doers.

And in other matters. I was in the Congo the other year (the not-so-democratic one). Um Bongo? They don't fucking drink it in the Congo after all. What next? Kia Ora not too orangey for crows?

They put couscous in that fucking stuff. Couscous. Bastards.

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #92 on: 13 May, 2015, 12:36:03 pm »
That stuff. The curious cellophane-like material that food manufacturers deem suitable for packaging stuff like dried pasta, nuts, and other eminently scatterable comestibles. It's not suitable. It's deeply and profoundly not suitable. It's as suitable as using chocolate for aeroplane wings or a spacesuit made of batter. Now there's pecan halves all over my kitchen floor. That fucking material, no matter how gently you try to tear open of the packet, the moment your mind skitters off to ponder the existential mysteries of life and nutty, nutty snacky goodness, the entire thing tears open scattering the contents to the four distant corners of the kitchen. Yes, I could use scissors, but they're in the drawer on the other side of the kitchen and I want nutty, nutty, snacky goodness now. I'm not patient, I'm a man. How did they fit so many nuts in the packet? I swear they're everywhere. It's like someone exploded a pecan factory. There must be a tonne. There's probably an entire army of squirrels outside, like it's some bizarre rodent finale to Lord of the Rings. Food packing fuckers, wasn't tetrapack enough? Was not enough milk sacrificed by our clumsy fingers, enough juice spattered up walls and across ceilings? Weren't frangible corned beef can keys enough to try our sanity beyond the point it bends and breaks? Oh no, you had to invent this stuff. And for the record, those sticky little tabs you claim are for securing the packets. No, they don't work either, and you know it. It's no-glue, that what it is. It feels sticky. It fools you into thinking it might be sticky. But the moment the cupboard closes, it's done. You reach in the following day and take out your sealed packet, and a pasta avalanche buries your feet. I hate those food packaging evil-doers.

And in other matters. I was in the Congo the other year (the not-so-democratic one). Um Bongo? They don't fucking drink it in the Congo after all. What next? Kia Ora not too orangey for crows?

They put couscous in that fucking stuff. Couscous. Bastards.

Quinoa too, AAARRRGGGHHH!


menthel

  • Jim is my real, actual name
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #93 on: 13 May, 2015, 12:57:26 pm »
And Bulghur Wheat. Hang the lot of them.

(Perhaps this should be in the first world problems thread...)

Mrs Pingu

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #94 on: 13 May, 2015, 01:04:33 pm »
Ian has hit the nail on the head with a very big and heavy hammer, as usual.

Last night I opened a new sort of packet of Sainbury's couscous which appeared to have been vacuum packed. It was in a square brick sort of shape. I counted myself fortunate that I didn't get sprayed by the stuff when I opened it.
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

ian

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #95 on: 13 May, 2015, 01:07:37 pm »
Yep, couscous. I too have a bag of bulgur wheat that mocks me every time I open the cupboard. It knows and it waits. Ever patient. I thought I got around the issue with couscous by buying barley couscous in a cardboard packet, but no, inside is a bag and you know what the bag is made of: that stuff. Somewhere, from their sub-volcanic lair, the packaging scientists mock us with their challenges.

Worse still, my wife mocks me when it happens. Why didn't you use scissors, she'll ask. Because. Because. Because. I think she's an agent.

menthel

  • Jim is my real, actual name
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #96 on: 13 May, 2015, 01:25:17 pm »
Yep, couscous. I too have a bag of bulgur wheat that mocks me every time I open the cupboard. It knows and it waits. Ever patient. I thought I got around the issue with couscous by buying barley couscous in a cardboard packet, but no, inside is a bag and you know what the bag is made of: that stuff. Somewhere, from their sub-volcanic lair, the packaging scientists mock us with their challenges.

Worse still, my wife mocks me when it happens. Why didn't you use scissors, she'll ask. Because. Because. Because. I think she's an agent.

Scissors? They make no difference. The bloody bag will find some way of splitting so that the tiny grains can flow out an some unexpected angle, miss the container for which you are aiming and find their way over the work surfaces, floor and into all sorts of nooks and crannies. I love a bit of couscous personally but just wish they would put it in a box or an easily opened paper bag.

Luckily the chia seeds are in a foil resealable bag. (Yes, I am that middle class.)

Bastards.

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #97 on: 13 May, 2015, 01:50:28 pm »
On a similar theme. Seeded loaves what is the point in those ? The seeds never actually make it to your mouth. They will however distribute themselves all over the car on the way back from the supermarket and then all over the kitchen once you get home.
I think you'll find it's a bit more complicated than that.

Kim

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #98 on: 13 May, 2015, 01:56:52 pm »
Scissors? They make no difference. The bloody bag will find some way of splitting so that the tiny grains can flow out an some unexpected angle, miss the container for which you are aiming and find their way over the work surfaces, floor and into all sorts of nooks and crannies. I love a bit of couscous personally but just wish they would put it in a box or an easily opened paper bag.

It's a plot by the mice to keep themselves fed.

Eccentrica Gallumbits

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #99 on: 13 May, 2015, 02:18:57 pm »
They put couscous in Um Bongo?  :o
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