Author Topic: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread (Read 436213 times)

ian · « **Reply #700 on:** 12 February, 2018, 04:20:40 pm »

I just spent twenty minutes trying to figure out how manage to spend so much money in Jamaica earlier this year, since I have no recall of going there, yet seem to have three receipts in the expense machine that Amex says are from 'Jamaica.'

It only just hit me that it's Jamaica in Queens, NYC.

mrcharly-YHT · « **Reply #701 on:** 12 February, 2018, 04:30:00 pm »

Quote from: Vince on 09 February, 2018, 04:33:14 pm

We have a new oven. I have attempted to cook jacket potatoes on defrost setting.
(click to show/hide)
AGAIN!

Keep trying. You are getting warmer

Pingu · « **Reply #702 on:** 13 February, 2018, 12:41:23 pm »

Quote from: PaulF on 09 February, 2018, 02:43:22 pm

Had an early flight to Southampton this morning so set off down the A34, at Newbury I took the exit to the M4 and headed for Heathrow....

Do you mean from Southampton

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #703 on:** 13 February, 2018, 09:50:01 pm »

I wonder who could have gone to Mr Sainsbury's House Of Toothy Comestibles today, corralled a herd of wild groceries and then discovered he'd left his wallet at home?

Beardy · « **Reply #704 on:** 13 February, 2018, 11:27:49 pm »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 13 February, 2018, 09:50:01 pm

I wonder who could have gone to Mr Sainsbury's House Of Toothy Comestibles today, corralled a herd of wild groceries and then discovered he'd left his wallet at home?

that is why the have a portal on the inter web. It allows one to sit in ones Lycra undies with ones wallet in easy reach whilst young things scurry about the aisles corralling the wild groceries on ones behalf. It is wise to remember to be correctly attired when one of the young things arrives in a box van with said toothy comestibles intent on depositing them upon ones doorstep.

ElyDave · « **Reply #705 on:** 13 February, 2018, 11:39:21 pm »

I have received said comestibles from Mr Avocado dressed very scantily (shorts that have seen much better days, and are mostly hole) without so much as a raised eyebrow.

Guy · « **Reply #706 on:** 14 February, 2018, 08:27:51 am »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 13 February, 2018, 09:50:01 pm

I wonder who could have gone to Mr Sainsbury's House Of Toothy Comestibles today, corralled a herd of wild groceries and then discovered he'd left his wallet at home?

Can also occur at Son of Morris' house of ingestible products

Beardy · « **Reply #707 on:** 14 February, 2018, 09:19:37 am »

My paterfamilias once met the son of Morris when he was working as a salesmen for Walls Ice Cream. Father's opinion of the son of Morris was not favourable, indeed he thought the man was a boorish oaf. Now given father's general intolerance of most things that had the temerity to disagree with him and given that the Son of Morris even then was the head of a supermarket chain, I suspect the truth lies somewhere between boorish oaf and dismissive busyman.

citoyen · « **Reply #708 on:** 14 February, 2018, 09:28:25 am »

Quote from: Guy on 14 February, 2018, 08:27:51 am

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 13 February, 2018, 09:50:01 pm
I wonder who could have gone to Mr Sainsbury's House Of Toothy Comestibles today, corralled a herd of wild groceries and then discovered he'd left his wallet at home?

Can also occur at Son of Morris' house of ingestible products

Also at Mr Cohen's grocery superstore. More than once.

barakta · « **Reply #709 on:** 14 February, 2018, 05:37:28 pm »

Yep I did that at Mr Cohen's store this afternoon, but as it's 1 min from home I secreted my basket and was able to get home, payment method and back again before anyone moved my basket

Kim · « **Reply #710 on:** 14 February, 2018, 05:48:25 pm »

Happens regularly enough that they're likely to be fine with basket-sitting for a short period. I remember someone in front of the queue at Sainsbury's discovering they were walletless after a whole trolley full had gone through the checkout. They were able to park the trolley out of the way, and fudge the transaction so they could come back and pay at the customer services desk without putting everything through the till again, which seemed eminently sensible.

There's a not-uncommon Aldi/Lidl variant where someone discovers they don't take credit cards, and has to duck out to the cash machine.

Basil · « **Reply #711 on:** 14 February, 2018, 05:59:43 pm »

Took Mrs B out for a meal before she was Mrs B (we were 'walking out' at the time).

At the end of the evening - No wallet!

Luckily, she had her rent money in cash on her.

citoyen · « **Reply #712 on:** 15 February, 2018, 02:29:23 pm »

My brother very kindly gave me tickets to Suggs' one-man show for Christmas. Great! I was really looking forward to it, and noticing the tickets stuck to the side of the fridge this afternoon, thought I'd better check the date and put it in my calendar so I don't forget...

Saturday 10th February

Pingu · « **Reply #713 on:** 15 February, 2018, 02:35:09 pm »

Quote from: citoyen on 15 February, 2018, 02:29:23 pm

My brother very kindly gave me tickets to Suggs' one-man show for Christmas. Great! I was really looking forward to it, and noticing the tickets stuck to the side of the fridge this afternoon, thought I'd better check the date and put it in my calendar so I don't forget...

Saturday 10th February

A Gomez moment

Beardy · « **Reply #714 on:** 15 February, 2018, 05:29:46 pm »

Nobody would be so stupid as to pack there carry on case complete with day bag inside (and passport safely inside that) fasten up the zips and then click the zippers in the lock without first checking that it a) wasn’t locked and b) they could remember the code. Would they?

Fortunately the lock was weak enough to jemey open with a house key, because none of us had our usual everyday carry multi tools with us as we were flying with caning baggage only.

jsabine · « **Reply #715 on:** 15 February, 2018, 06:22:47 pm »

Quote from: Beardy on 15 February, 2018, 05:29:46 pm

we were flying with caning baggage only.

I guess they've seen it all before, so no raised eyebrows at the security check.

Mrs Pingu · « **Reply #716 on:** 15 February, 2018, 07:38:04 pm »

Quote from: Pingu on 15 February, 2018, 02:35:09 pm

Quote from: citoyen on 15 February, 2018, 02:29:23 pm
My brother very kindly gave me tickets to Suggs' one-man show for Christmas. Great! I was really looking forward to it, and noticing the tickets stuck to the side of the fridge this afternoon, thought I'd better check the date and put it in my calendar so I don't forget...

Saturday 10th February

A Gomez moment

I remember it well. Made the mistake of telling my grate mate Steve and he made me some fake ones as a piss take.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #717 on:** 16 February, 2018, 07:06:19 pm »

Right, oven testing to determine the divviness of one or other of us. Tonight's special is either cod in breadcrumbs or charcoal.

Edit:

(click to show/hide)

Mrs Pingu · « **Reply #718 on:** 16 February, 2018, 10:08:18 pm »

Are you going to have to put a big sticker or a marker pen star next to the oven symbol?

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #719 on:** 17 February, 2018, 12:59:14 pm »

Better to put gaffer tape over the "Grill" button coz I've only ever used it by accident.

Mrs Pingu · « **Reply #720 on:** 17 February, 2018, 05:46:31 pm »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 17 February, 2018, 12:59:14 pm

Better to put gaffer tape over the "Grill" button coz I've only ever used it by accident.

Canardly · « **Reply #721 on:** 18 February, 2018, 11:14:41 am »

So nursed a coffee for half an hour and no one turned up for the ride.

The scheduled ride is next week....Doh, senility beckons.

T42 · « **Reply #722 on:** 18 February, 2018, 11:47:54 am »

Don't worry. I once reserved lunch for 46 cyclists in an event that happened the week after, and forgot to warn the restaurant in time to cancel.

Feanor · « **Reply #723 on:** 18 February, 2018, 10:45:40 pm »

On the ride to the start of today's audax, I change up and the chain slips furiously.
WTF?

Inspection shows that the cassette has been incorrectly re-assembled after being taken off for cleaning.
2 of the sprockets are directly against each other, without the spacer between them.
The spacer has been put between 2 of the smaller sprockets which dont need one.

This rendered a bunch of my gears un-useable in one way or another, including all the ones I needed.

I suspect the bike mechanic may have enjoyed a glass or two of grog that day.
I shaĺl need to have words.

Pingu · « **Reply #724 on:** 18 February, 2018, 11:13:13 pm »

That's what you get for cleaning stuff.