Those familiar with Passover may find this amusing, the rest of you may be slightly perplexed*.
The Torah Speaks of Four Kinds of People Who Use Zoom:
The Wise
The Wicked
The Simple
The One Who Does Not Know How to “Mute”
The Wise Person says: “I’ll handle the Admin Feature Controls and Chat Rooms, and forward the Cloud Recording Transcript after the call.”
The Wicked Person says: “Since I have unlimited duration, I scheduled the meeting for six hours—as it says in the Haggadah, whoever prolongs the telling of the story, harei zeh meshubach, is praiseworthy.”
The Simple Person says: “Hello? Am I on? I can hear you but I can’t see you.”
The One Who Does Not Know How to Mute says: “How should I know where you put the keys? I’m stuck on this stupid Zoom call with these idiots.”
To the Wise Person you should offer all of the Zoom Pro Optional Add-On Plans.
To the Wicked Person you should say: “Had you been in charge, we would still be in Egypt.”
To the Simple Person you should say: “Try the call-in number instead.”
To the One Who Does Not Know How to Mute you should say: “Why should this night be different from all other nights?”
*The Passover ceremony ("Seder", lit. order) is held at home, with a meal as a centerpiece. The order of the proceedings is part of the fun, with lots in to help keep kids interest. The four characters: The wise, wicked, simple and too stupid to ask, come in early in the proceedings, and the text here includes a mash up of several segments. And how to run a conference.
