The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[woollypigs]

Around here, dinner is formal (going out, friends over) sit down meal. Supper is just grub on a plate. But dinner can also mean lunch and tea can mean supper. Supper and pudding is often used to cover 'pre-bed munchies'.

[nuttycyclist]

Dinner here refers to food.  It may be served at lunchtime if we're busy later, or may be served in the evening if we get a chance to sit down for food. 

Other days, such as today, two dinners will be consumed by members of the family who have had excessive swimming training and competitions.

Tea time for me involves boiling the kettle.

[Basil]

Not me this time.. Mrs B bought me a bottle of whisky so that I could celebrate st Andrews day.
However she bought a penderyn. 
I like penderyn,  but a Welsh whisky on Andy's day?

[Feanor]

Earlier today, I was applying dilute PVA to some plasterboard patching on the ceiling, prior to skim coating.
I was using quite a dilute solution, about 4:1 water to PVA.

Working above my head, the stuff dribbled down the paintbrush and along my arm, inside my t-shaped shirt, down my side and beyond.
And dribbled onto my head and remaining hair.
Chucked the work clothes in the washer when I was done, and washed the stuff off myself, so I thought.

Now, all my hair is stuck together.
Yes, all.

[Kim]

There's a Rule According To Kim about PVA, and how it's only an effective adhesive on the things you don't want it to stick to...

[T42]

There's a Rule According To Kim about PVA, and how it's only an effective adhesive on the things you don't want it to stick to...

Titebond is for ever...

[Slave To The Viking]

Already running a bit late for work, I was furiously trying to find where the hell I'd put my bike leathers - specifically the trousers. Why the hell they weren't hanging up with my jacket and lid was beyond me, but maybe I'd gone straight upstairs last time I got in, taken them off up there and left them? Not impossible.

As I ran up the first couple of steps, I heard the creak of the leather and felt the armour come tight against my knees.

I'm not sure how I failed to know the location of the trousers I was wearing, but it could be because I'm such a fecking div.

[T42]

Couldn't find a chain I'd ordered in the invoice for cycle bits to be delivered yesterday, so I uttered a word of power and ordered another - action prompt and immediate in case Probikeshop ran out.

Delivery arrived at noon. What's this, two parcels?  One was the bits on the invoice, the other... a chain?  Then the light went on again and I remembered that I'd ordered the chain separately.  So now I'll have a spare, duh.

[ElyDave]

Skoggy Essex audax - Mudguards, yes, raceblade XLs in the back of the car ready to attach at the other end.

But I'd picked up the raceblade XLs for the 26" wheeled bike, not the 700c wheeled bike.  A lot of deep cleaning to do tomorrow

[T42]

Skoggy Essex audax - Mudguards, yes, raceblade XLs in the back of the car ready to attach at the other end.

But I'd picked up the raceblade XLs for the 26" wheeled bike, not the 700c wheeled bike.  A lot of deep cleaning to do tomorrow

Even with over-wide Raceblades my bike needed a good hour with brush, sponges and hot soapy water.  Not Audax either, just a couple of 28k tootles.

[ElyDave]

Skoggy Essex audax - Mudguards, yes, raceblade XLs in the back of the car ready to attach at the other end.

But I'd picked up the raceblade XLs for the 26" wheeled bike, not the 700c wheeled bike.  A lot of deep cleaning to do tomorrow

Even with over-wide Raceblades my bike needed a good hour with brush, sponges and hot soapy water.  Not Audax either, just a couple of 28k tootles.

Not a case of mudguards overwhelmed, 26" versions do not work on 700c, so a case of no mudguards.

Even the front of my forks an headtube are covered.

[T42]

Undressing for bed last night, found my keys were not in my pocket.  Hunted in all likely places that I might have dropped them, went out and made sure I hadn't left them hanging in the workshop door, went back in, went to bed. Realized that I could have left them in the workshop door and some evil sod might have pinched them, and so spent an unpleasant night planning on replacing front door & workshop locks, duplicating keys, the whole bothersome procedure. Even dreamt about it.

Went out this morning in the twilight and found them in the grass beside the drive.

[andytheflyer]

Undressing for bed last night, found my keys were not in my pocket.  Hunted in all likely places that I might have dropped them, went out and made sure I hadn't left them hanging in the workshop door, went back in, went to bed. Realized that I could have left them in the workshop door and some evil sod might have pinched them, and so spent an unpleasant night planning on replacing front door & workshop locks, duplicating keys, the whole bothersome procedure. Even dreamt about it.

Went out this morning in the twilight and found them in the grass beside the drive.

That'll be where the miscreant dropped them back after copying them then..................

 

[T42]

I'm not sure that our cowsnest has any miscreants capable of it.  Not ruling out the cows, though.

[PaulF]

On behalf of someone else in the household.

Puppy had surgery yesterday an is wearing a onesie-leotard thing with a flap that goes up between her legs and fastens with poppers on her back. Having lectured me on the need to undo the poppers the someone else let the dog out to do her “business” in the garden as usual.

Exactly as as usual, without stopping, passing Go or undoing the poppers….

[mrcharly-YHT]

I need to add a radiator to our heating (there isn't one in the main living room).

Go through parts I have, look at existing pipework. Send MrsC off to town with a shopping list, including two 22-15 reducing Ts.

Halfway through the day, I have an utter brain fart, decide that I need four 22-15mm elbows instead.

MrsC gets parts.

I wake up this morning, have momentary "why did I think that?" thought, check diagram.

Nope, I should have got two 22-15 reducing Ts.

[Beardy]

<fx:gurns> I’m trying to think of how you could use 22/15 elbows to replicate 22/15 Ts. It’s an interesting mental workout, but it would require that you use other parts that you’ll probably need to get on so it doesn’t save you any grief. And it would take up a lot more room.
<fx:wanders off muttering to oneself>

[mrcharly-YHT]

<fx:gurns> I’m trying to think of how you could use 22/15 elbows to replicate 22/15 Ts. It’s an interesting mental workout, but it would require that you use other parts that you’ll probably need to get on so it doesn’t save you any grief. And it would take up a lot more room.
<fx:wanders off muttering to oneself>

She came back with four 22-15 straights. So I can splice in two 15mm sections into the out and return, put 15mm Ts on those sections.

A bit of a hack but it will work.

Next task is to get pipe insulation. None of the heating pipes are insulted under the floor.

[hatler]

<fx:gurns> I’m trying to think of how you could use 22/15 elbows to replicate 22/15 Ts. It’s an interesting mental workout, but it would require that you use other parts that you’ll probably need to get on so it doesn’t save you any grief. And it would take up a lot more room.
<fx:wanders off muttering to oneself>

She came back with four 22-15 straights. So I can splice in two 15mm sections into the out and return, put 15mm Ts on those sections.

A bit of a hack but it will work.

Next task is to get pipe insulation. None of the heating pipes are insulted under the floor.

Oi !   Pipe !  Yes, you down there. FARKOFF !

Will that do ?

[Mr Larrington]

<fx:gurns> I’m trying to think of how you could use 22/15 elbows to replicate 22/15 Ts. It’s an interesting mental workout, but it would require that you use other parts that you’ll probably need to get on so it doesn’t save you any grief. And it would take up a lot more room.
<fx:wanders off muttering to oneself>

She came back with four 22-15 straights. So I can splice in two 15mm sections into the out and return, put 15mm Ts on those sections.

A bit of a hack but it will work.

Next task is to get pipe insulation. None of the heating pipes are insulted under the floor.

Oi !   Pipe !  Yes, you down there. FARKOFF !

Will that do ?

No, we need to commission a special episode of Jacinda Swears to make sure those pipes know who’s boss.

[mrcharly-YHT]

<fx:gurns> I’m trying to think of how you could use 22/15 elbows to replicate 22/15 Ts. It’s an interesting mental workout, but it would require that you use other parts that you’ll probably need to get on so it doesn’t save you any grief. And it would take up a lot more room.
<fx:wanders off muttering to oneself>

She came back with four 22-15 straights. So I can splice in two 15mm sections into the out and return, put 15mm Ts on those sections.

A bit of a hack but it will work.

Next task is to get pipe insulation. None of the heating pipes are insulted under the floor.

Oi !   Pipe !  Yes, you down there. FARKOFF !

Will that do ?

No effect. They are cold and unmoved by your contribution.

[hatler]

[ian]

<fx:gurns> I’m trying to think of how you could use 22/15 elbows to replicate 22/15 Ts. It’s an interesting mental workout, but it would require that you use other parts that you’ll probably need to get on so it doesn’t save you any grief. And it would take up a lot more room.
<fx:wanders off muttering to oneself>

She came back with four 22-15 straights. So I can splice in two 15mm sections into the out and return, put 15mm Ts on those sections.

A bit of a hack but it will work.

Next task is to get pipe insulation. None of the heating pipes are insulted under the floor.

Oi !   Pipe !  Yes, you down there. FARKOFF !

Will that do ?

No, we need to commission a special episode of Jacinda Swears to make sure those pipes know who’s boss.

I just read that and thought to myself, Jacinda Swears is the sort of thing I'd think up. Reminds me to write to her.

[nicknack]

Cooking last night.
Put pan of water on hob to heat up for pasta. Before turning on gas I plonk two dinner plates next to pan cos they're in the way on the worktop.
Turn on gas.
A few minutes later peer at pan of water to see if it's boiling yet.
Bloody huge bang.
Despite using the cooker for the last 8 years I still get the controls the wrong way round.
We are now short one 50 year old Langley dinner plate.

[Mr Larrington]

Although Bond James Bond is a cool dude, Mr Larrington, he does not need to be stored in the fridge

At least he was still shrink-wrapped when I discovered this faux pas.