The Audax moments thread

[Panoramix]

When homo audaxus meets homo sapiens, surrealist moments may happen. This thread is to record them!

[Panoramix]

I will kick it off with a fresh story of Mr Bunbury and myself getting some sleep in the Membury services slot machines room!

After a thorough survey of the available facilities we decided that this was the perfect place for a kip. Carpet and power hungry machines warming up the room!

Then a member of staff suddenly appears...

MOS: What are you doing?

P + Mr B: We are just having a quick kip

MOS: you can't do that,  there is an hotel across the road!

P + Mr B: We don't have time we just want to sleep 90 minutes.

MOS: But what about if a customer wants to use the machines?

P + Mr B: It is 3am and if a customer comes, don't worry we will move!

MOS: I can't do this, I go and tell my manager!

We hurry up getting asleep!

5 minutes later

MOS: manager says you cannot stay here!

I say nothing and pretend to be asleep!

Mr B: We go in 90 minutes.

MOS does not know what to reply!

90 minutes later, alarm rings and we wake up.

MOS with big smiling face: Are you really leaving now, I thought that you would stay five hours!

[arabella]

You should've gone upstairs - never had any problems.

Red Lodge on the other hand ...

[Tewdric]

Tre'Ddol control, Bryan Chapman, May 2004

Tewdric:  "Ga 'i beans ar dost 'da wyau wedi eu ffisto, a mwg o de os gwelych yn dda"

Attractive waitress, giggling:  " You want me to do what to your eggs?"  

Tewdric: "Scrambled is fine!"

Ffisto is a strange southern welsh expression for scrambled, literally meaning fisted, which seems to mean something entirely different to the rest of the world....

[nuttycyclist]

Late evening in Taunton Dean motorway services on the beast from the East.  Group of cyclists in the coffee shop, bikes leant against the tables etc, family from the Black Country (I think from the accent).

"But this is a motorway services and you're on bicycles  "
"yes"
"Where did you start from then?"
"London"
"when did you start?"
"This morning"
"     Where are you going?"
"London"
" When you gonna get there?"
"Tomorrow"
" "

[Panoramix]

You should've gone upstairs - never had any problems.

Red Lodge on the other hand ...

Yes, but we decided that the "welcome break" jingle is far too annoying!

[Manotea]

Stopped by the law in Tenbury Wells about 11pm, friendly like..

"We've seen a lot of cyclists coming through, what are you doing?"

"We're on a cycling event called The Elenith starting from Kidderminster out to Tregaron and back via Rhayader, 300km round trip"

"How many days?"

[eck]

In a similar vein:
First control, at Montrose,  on Kingodom Come 400 (having had it explained that, no it's not for charity, it's not a race etc etc)
Man in Petrol Station: Aye, so where are ye goin'?
Me: Up to Stonehaven, along to Braemar, down through Perth to Fife then back.....
MiPS: Aye, but where are ye goin' today? 

[iakobski]

And still in a similar vein:

Somewhere out in the Cotswolds, meet some lads on road bikes:

-- Going far mate?
-- Yep, going to London, should be there by the morning...
-- Err, mate, you're heading the wrong way
-- I know, I'm going to Wales first
--   

[chris]

About 15 miles into (my failed attampt at) LEL this year I caught up with a couple of chaps on nice road bikes with rack packs -

Me: "Hi, are you doing the same ride as me?"

One of them: "No, we're on a long ride"

Me: "Oh"

Other one of them: "We do 25 miles every Sunday morning, but today we're making it a bit longer and trying to do 40 miles"

Me: "Oh"

One of them: "So where are you going then?"

Me: "Well .............."

I spent the next 10 or so miles chatting with them about Audax, and one of them was very keen to give it a go.

[Greenbank]

The (only) road South out of Chertsey in Surrey. Policeman in the road stopping traffic.

"Sorry, can't go down here, tree fallen down across the road." (Actually it was a fatal RTA involving a motorbike but I didn't know this at the time.)
"Can't I get past, I'll wheel my bike past the tree..."
"Nope, road completely blocked, you'll have to go round. Where are you headed?"
"Padstow."
"Ah, I'm not from round here, the only Padstow I know is in Cornwall."
"That's the one, should be there tomorrow afternoon if all goes well."
"Err, erm, blimey. Good luck."

[Hummers]

I have given up explaining where I am going as invariably it leads to furrowed brows and on one occaision, the response, "All right, I only asked. No need to take the piss".

I say invariably but there was one exception; the barman at the Royal Oak, Dorchester, last year on the Bournemouth Square. He wanted to know more about Audaxes and what we were doing. I tore off the AUK web address from my Brevet card for him. I wonder if he ever did anything with it?

H

[Chris S]

Nurse at Blood Donation session: "Oh - you failed the copper sulphate test; you can't give blood today."
Me: "Oh, that's a shame"
Nurse: "Are you feeling OK - being over doing it recently?"
Me: "I did a 400 mile bike ride a couple of days ago"
Nurse: *gives me that look*. "Go home and get some rest you wally."
Me: "Yes ma'am, right away ma'am."

[The Seldom Killer]

Exchange between me and a rather kit precious roadie in Swindon whilst doing a DIY 200 for RRtY.

"Where are you off to with all that stuff" (handlebar bag, coat between toolbag and saddle)
"Up to Farringdon first"
"Oh that'll make a nice day out"
"Then over to Wantage"
"Blimey"
"Then along the A40 cycle lane and up to Thame, coming back the same route"
"Staying over with friends then?"
"No, should be back in time for dinner"
"Not possible, you'll never make it, it's too far."
"No such thing as too far, only too little coffee"
"You're wrong in the head"

I couldn't argue with that last one, he had a point.

[Mr Larrington]

Ascending Blackstone Edge on the Trice in the closing overs of the 2006 3 Coasts.  The deluge is of biblical proportions.  Coming in the opposite direction is an Audi.  It slows almost to a standstill; the driver opens his window and sticks his head out into the monsoon.

Mr Audibloke: You 'ave completely lost the plot!
Me (sotto voce): You could have a point, mate.

[thing1]

Up the 'Uts last year.  Saffron Walden IIRC. Thing 2 and I were in the middle of a well developed Tandemists' bicker, in fairly persistent drizzle.
Pass an old chap on an quiet estate street corner. We break bicker to give a cheery wave through the rain. He replies "is it nice, being mad?"

[nuttycyclist]

Chris S reminds me of a trip to the physio.  She started working on me then said "what on earth have you been up to?"
"400km this weekend"
She rolled her eyes and really got down to work.  Then we discussed my "sprained thumb", which she diagnosed as fractured thanks to her ultrasound machine.  Rest was the only cure for both that, and my legs.
"So Michael, what are you going to do this weekend?"
"600km  "



And whilst not an Audax, The Seldom killer reminded me of the Dunwich Cafe after The Blue Moon ride a couple of years ago.  We'd finished late breakfast and I was showing Stefan the route home to Southend as he wanted 40 winks before setting off.  The waitress showed interest at the map.
"Where you off to then?"
"Southend"
"How many days will that take you?"
"I'm planning on being home in time for tea".

[chris]

Having a drink before the start of the Harlequin Hack (near Oxford), one of the organisers was asking riders where they had parked their car (as the locals complain if they are parked in the 'wrong' place). When he got to me his face was a picture when I replied 'Northampton'.

[The Seldom Killer]

And whilst not an Audax, The Seldom killer reminded me of the Dunwich Cafe after The Blue Moon ride a couple of years ago.  We'd finished late breakfast and I was showing Stefan the route home to Southend as he wanted 40 winks before setting off.  The waitress showed interest at the map.
"Where you off to then?"
"Southend"
"How many days will that take you?"
"I'm planning on being home in time for tea".

Please tell me I'm not the only one to think; Dunwich to Southend, but that's only... oh yeah, right.

[Really Ancien]

About 10 of us were sat around chatting at a Diner just off the A9. We'd just been on a 80k potter round the lanes after a 200k the day before.
A young woman came in and said she was on a JOGLE. We stared out at the tail end of a Caribbean storm which was providing suitable weather for a LEJOG record attempt, we communicated our doubts via a series of tiny facial movements. The girl then proceeded to bring out a series of electronic devices and their chargers and plug them in. Finding a signal she Twittered her progress, while she informed us of her desire to make Dundee from Newtonmore that night, it was now about 3.00pm. We were ever so good, no-one laughed out loud, or took bets as to how far she'd get. But the less guarded did let a look of absolute incredulity slip across their faces. I think the End to Ender took this to be amazed admiration. We watched her go, reckoned she'd pack somewhere near Dunkeld, and resumed our discussion on the inadvisibility of using factory-built wheels without some form of back-up.

Damon.

[scampi]

Not audax but a reliability ride so a similar thing:  early season, a small group of riders climbing over Fovant Down, Wilts. (1 in 6) in a freezing deluge on a morning of thundery stormy weather.

A small procession of classic cars is coming in the other direction.  The lead driver stops, leans out the window, and says "at last, we've discovered some people madder than us!"

[Ron da Valli]

 Rounding a bend ( is that legal madam?) on a country lane, I encountered an old chap wheeling his bike back towards me whilst scouring the road. " Are you ok mate?"
  " Yes, I've lost me teeth!"

[LEE]

Somewhere in Wales, late at night.

Late-night Shop Assistant "Where are you going?"
Us - "Chepstow"
Late-night Shop Assistant "What? Chepstow, far away Chepstow?"
Us - "Yes, Chepstow, far away Chepstow"

I personally think they should rename it "Farawaychepstow"

[Chris S]

Rounding a bend ( is that legal madam?) on a country lane, I encountered an old chap wheeling his bike back towards me whilst scouring the road. " Are you ok mate?"
  " Yes, I've lost me teeth!"

Bugger. Coffee and keyboard interaction 

[Wowbagger]

My favourite audax moment?

About 1.35 pm last Saturday when I realised that we had missed the control at Acton and that I was now a free man and could just go for a bike ride.