I have a not-crap story...
My lunchtime ride yesterday was plagued by multiple p*nctures for reasons I don't need to go into here.
My companion set off back to work, to collect a car to rescue me.
In the meantime, as I was waiting around, a DPD van pulled up and asked if I was OK, and offered to take me pretty much anywhere.
The driver was, of course, a cyclist.
So if your DPD delivery is running late, perhaps the driver is doing a bit of off-piste cyclist recovery...