Yet Another Cycling Forum
Off Topic => The Pub => Topic started by: ian on 23 April, 2021, 12:38:36 pm
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I really am. But I've no idea what it will be about. This is vexing me. Any ideas?
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BEARS
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May not be the right place but I could do with advice on when to plant out my beddings as they are trying to escape from the cold frame. Is next weekend too early?
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"I'm a topic starter, twisted topic starter... "
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This (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Topic_(chocolate_bar)).
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It should be your suggestions for revised audax rules, obviously.
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Something bicycle related?
Flying tents?
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It should be your suggestions for revised audax rules, obviously.
Reminds me, I was chatting with a work colleague aboard the mothership a while back, and she revealed that her husband (to be, at the time) was into something called 'audax.' I denied what little knowledge I had on the subject (gleaned from here) and made her explain her interpretation of the subject which was mostly extemporizing getting up early, disappearing all day, and coming home smelling of sweat and garage food and going straight to bed. He makes the sheets stink of Ginsters, apparently.
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"How to build a garden path, with steps"
This is a project I am faced with undertaking this weekend, so any pointers would be welcome.
We took delivery of a tonne of hardcore this morning, which will be used for the substrate. The bag doesn't look big enough to be holding a tonne of anything. You certainly couldn't fit 12.5 of me in there - but I guess all that proves is that I'm not as dense as gravel.
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That's a skill beyond me. I got an O Level/GCSE in Craft, Design, and Technology for a 'painting area' – basically a glorified box for spray painting in, which some side bits to hold the paints (I have no idea why I choose this). It wasn't very straight and instead of doing proper joins and things, I simply nailed it together and then covered it in eight coats of thick blue paint so no one could tell.
This approach pretty much summarizes my life and career to date.
I bought a new cooker element the other week, it's still sitting there. There are screws involved. I hate screws. Which way are you supposed to turn them. Is this the correct type of screwdriver? Will a proper man materialize behind me and laugh?
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Elementary dear Watson the topic is.........how to
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I really am. But I've no idea what it will be about. This is vexing me. Any ideas?
Well, obviously it's, "i'm thinking about starting a topic later". and you've already started it.
GNU types, go find another thread. I've baggsied the recursion on this one. :)
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I really am. But I've no idea what it will be about. This is vexing me. Any ideas?
I've saved you the trouble by starting one myself so you can relax now.
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Is this about me?
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Apologies for taking this thread off topic.
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Oh yeah, magic levitating tent update. It's fallen down and now is sort of level, like an actual tent should be, but still levitating on a bed of underpinning vegetation.
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How to find the cause of the
<ERROR> [fs] fs_device_open() called with invalid path '' (expected absolute path, starting with slash).
<ERROR> [ld] Failed to open ''.
error which has been driving me batshit for 24 hours.
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If the device is a door, trying approaching it via the garden path. If it still fails to open, try knocking or, if you have one, a key.
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Whatever the topic, I will be able to find a dogging angle fairly easily to derail the thread.
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You could start a new tropic. We've only got two and they're both quite far away from here.
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Whatever the topic, I will be able to find a dogging angle fairly easily to derail the thread.
Is that a particular type of tool?
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Krishnan Guru-Murthy 18m
@krishgm
I’d like to know what topics you’d like me to cover. What’s your top priority?
Hmmm. I wonder if K G-M lurks here.
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Krishnan Guru-Murthy 18m
@krishgm
I’d like to know what topics you’d like me to cover. What’s your top priority?
Hmmm. I wonder if K G-M lurks here.
Have KGM and ian ever been seen in the same room together? Hmmmm?
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Righty tighty, leftie loosie.
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This thread reminded me of:
What has a hazelnut in every bite.
Squirrel sh!t!
The other punchline regarding nut based confectionery popular in the 80s, involved removing peanuts from parts of your nether regions
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Mmm. I like Topics. Haven't had one for years.
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Please, please don't start a topic . . .
Mother of God, he has.
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This thread reminded me of:
What has a hazelnut in every bite.
Squirrel sh!t!
The other punchline regarding nut based confectionery popular in the 80s, involved removing peanuts from parts of your nether regions
This reminds me of a girl in my sixth form, who once-upon-a-time after a Barcadi Breezer too many inadvertently revealed to a large audience (i.e. more than the two people involved) the bedroom game she played with her boyfriend and the contents of a tube of Smarties.
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I once shared a flat in Birmingham with a guy who worked for Ford Motor Credit. One day, it was a cow-orker's birthday so they all went to the pub for lunch.
The birthday girl had 14 double vodkas, stood up, called for quiet in the pub, announced, "MY BOYFRIEND'S SPERM TASTES OF HAZELNUTS!" and promptly passed out.
Jared was the colleague chosen to sit in A&E all afternoon while she had her stomach pumped.
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True to form, Mr Z. Not the dogging story promised but it’ll do.
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Righty tighty, leftie loosie.
Never gets old: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTopVi1hVVM
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I once shared a flat in Birmingham with a guy who worked for Ford Motor Credit. One day, it was a cow-orker's birthday so they all went to the pub for lunch.
The birthday girl had 14 double vodkas, stood up, called for quiet in the pub, announced, "MY BOYFRIEND'S SPERM TASTES OF HAZELNUTS!" and promptly passed out.
Jared was the colleague chosen to sit in A&E all afternoon while she had her stomach pumped.
I'm fairly sure that blowjobs would be a lot more popular if it tasted like Nutella.
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I'd decided to stand down the topic. But only for tonight. I don't think I can top hazelnut blowjobs and a vagina seeded with Smarties. But it's good to have a goal.
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This thread reminded me of:
What has a hazelnut in every bite.
Squirrel sh!t!
The other punchline regarding nut based confectionery popular in the 80s, involved removing peanuts from parts of your nether regions
This reminds me of a girl in my sixth form, who once-upon-a-time after a Barcadi Breezer too many inadvertently revealed to a large audience (i.e. more than the two people involved) the bedroom game she played with her boyfriend and the contents of a tube of Smarties.
I'm hoping they didn't use the brown ones.
They'd be very difficult to find.
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Righty tighty, leftie loosie.
Hmm, not always as Qg found out yesterday.
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Should you ever need to identify smarties and you have limited light or no vision, remember, orange smarties taste of orange. However, now that you have identified that you have an orange smartie in your mouth what are you planning to do with it you freaking pervert? Are you planning to give it someone to get the taste of several loads of Nutella out of their mouth? The orange oils might be quite beneficial in that aspect.
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I'd decided to stand down the topic. But only for tonight. I don't think I can top hazelnut blowjobs and a vagina seeded with Smarties. But it's good to have a goal.
Post of the day?
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This thread reminded me of:
What has a hazelnut in every bite.
Squirrel sh!t!
The other punchline regarding nut based confectionery popular in the 80s, involved removing peanuts from parts of your nether regions
This reminds me of a girl in my sixth form, who once-upon-a-time after a Barcadi Breezer too many inadvertently revealed to a large audience (i.e. more than the two people involved) the bedroom game she played with her boyfriend and the contents of a tube of Smarties.
Using smarties show that this was a while ago, as nower days it would be M&M or minstrals.
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Should you ever need to identify smarties and you have limited light or no vision, remember, orange smarties taste of orange. However, now that you have identified that you have an orange smartie in your mouth what are you planning to do with it you freaking pervert? Are you planning to give it someone to get the taste of several loads of Nutella out of their mouth? The orange oils might be quite beneficial in that aspect.
I don't know about orange, but from the point of the reveal onwards, someone only had to utter the word Smartie and she'd turn raspberry red. I figured this happened about eight times a day for her remaining year in sixth form.
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Green M&Ms acquired a reputation for being aphrodisiacs. Inevitably, a special shaggers' edition was released in 2008, containing solely the green ones.
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I'm sure the medics will agree with me, but I'm minded that confectionary shouldn't be used as a pessary. Equally, they shouldn't be administered as a suppository, that's not why they call it the Hershey Highway.
That's said, I don't remember if I shared the chocolate dildo story, this being a family-friendly forum and all.
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"I shared the chocolate dildo" story
Be very careful when sharing a chocolate dildo.
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I heard/read a story about a couple who used a Twix (well, one finger of a Twix, which should be called a Unix). To their horror, it disappeared completely. After a frantic wait while they debated whether to go to A&E, it re-emerged, in biscuit-only form.
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I logged on to look for cartridge hub recommendations, but soon had to disconnect from my work VPN...
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I heard/read a story about a couple who used a Twix (well, one finger of a Twix, which should be called a Unix). To their horror, it disappeared completely. After a frantic wait while they debated whether to go to A&E, it re-emerged, in biscuit-only form.
I remember one of those stupid clickbaity Metro stories where a chap (allegedly) misplaced a phallic-shaped object in his lady friend's fundament, and then sought to retrieve it with barbecue tongs. I suspect that was revelatory to anyone who'd recently attended any barbecues he'd hosted.
Anyway, chocolate dildo. When you have a big brown stain on your skirt, it's a marginal improvement to explain 'no, it's chocolate.' I understand the female of the species is sartorially deprived of pockets, but still, no gentleman wants to find himself second-bested by a confectionary product.
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I remember one of those stupid clickbaity Metro stories where a chap (allegedly) misplaced a phallic-shaped object in his lady friend's fundament, and then sought to retrieve it with barbecue tongs. I suspect that was revelatory to anyone who'd recently attended any barbecues he'd hosted.
Anyway, chocolate dildo. When you have a big brown stain on your skirt, it's a marginal improvement to explain 'no, it's chocolate.' I understand the female of the species is sartorially deprived of pockets, but still, no gentleman wants to find himself second-bested by a confectionary product.
Getting undressed the other day i discovered an area of my breasts had gone a rather bright and distressing green. I was a bit perplexed, until I found the remains of the green M&M in my bra... Guess it had fallen down their when eating on the bike earlier.
J
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Under-boob mould is apparently A Thing, in the absence of other comestible-based evidence.
ian - you really didn't need to think of a subject for your topic, did you?
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I'm sure the medics will agree with me, but I'm minded that confectionary shouldn't be used as a pessary. Equally, they shouldn't be administered as a suppository, that's not why they call it the Hershey Highway.
That's said, I don't remember if I shared the chocolate dildo story, this being a family-friendly forum and all.
A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play. As it were...
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So Marianne Faithfull said.
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Except that that story was untrue.
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Yeah, any fule kno it was a Toblerone she used.
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It's not true but, like Noddy Holder and the glass-topped coffee table, or, <insert name of any outrė pop star from 1950 onwards> and the four pints of <insert animal species> body fluids, the legend has taken on a life of its own.
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I had to google Noddy Holder and the Glass Topped Coffee Table. I, of one, am glad for the coffee table in that scene and that it predates video evidence, I'm still getting over those two girls and their shared dessert preference. We're back with chocolate though.
I once bought a 4.5 kg Toblerone from Basel airport, you'd need a big garage to store that.
The best thing about Basel airport, other than oversized chocolate bars, was the 'task a satellite' Chloe from 24-themed pinball machine. Who's the star now, Kiefer, eh? I'd hazard no Swiss airports ever featured a Jack Bauer pinball machine.
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The "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark" pinball table is my favourite. When you lose a ball, she says, "oh poo".
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The "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark" pinball table is my favourite. When you lose a ball, she says, "oh poo".
Blimey, that's a blast from the past - we had that one in the staff canteen at the old Co-op hypermarket in Broadstairs c.1990 (long since demolished to make way for an even bigger Tesco megahypersuperstore).
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There have been three, Google tells me. The one I played in the IoM when there on business, and later at work (before a new chief exec removed it in 2007, the killjoy) was Scared Stiff, the middle one.
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I must be misremembering - I just looked it up and it seems the only Elvira pinball machine that existed in 1990 was Elvira and the Party Monsters, but the pictures of the playing field don't look at all familiar.
Might have been some kind of knock-off Elvira lookalike (random vampy bird with massive tits). Or the Wednesday Addams "All grown up now" edition.
(PS what I have learned today: there is an internet pinball database (https://www.ipdb.org/search.pl) website)
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Whatever the topic, I will be able to find a dogging angle fairly easily to derail the thread.
Is that a particular type of tool?
Would it help Ian to screw in his element?
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I must be misremembering - I just looked it up and it seems the only Elvira pinball machine that existed in 1990 was Elvira and the Party Monsters, but the pictures of the playing field don't look at all familiar.
Might have been some kind of knock-off Elvira lookalike (random vampy bird with massive tits). Or the Wednesday Addams "All grown up now" edition.
(PS what I have learned today: there is an internet pinball database (https://www.ipdb.org/search.pl) website)
I'm now disappointed to find that the 24-themed pinball machine was not exclusively Chloe, but more generic, and Jack gets prime billing. In my mind, it was a lot more Chloe. Still, when you've a beer in one hand and an oversized Toblerone tightly clutched in the other, imagination can get the better of you. I still, to this day every time I can't find something, demand of my beleaguered and long suffering-wife 'task a satellite, Clare' (if I called her Chloe, it would be odd, as it's not her name). Also, whenever she asks what I'm up to in my office I say 'hacking CTU.' I'm not entirely sure she knows what a CTU is.
Weirdly, I'm sure I wrote this reply already, but evidently I didn't.
Maybe I should create an anti-topic, a topic that collects together things that haven't. I've long wondered what happens to the letters that you type before you realise you've not selected the word processor window. Where do they go, do they drift off into orbit like lonely Laikas, never to be retrieved? Or are they assembling into furious sentences, battalions of paragraphs, and regiments of chapters? Waiting for their opportunity to invade.
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An anti-topic is what happens when a indecisive squirrel attacks its hoard: a bite in every hazelnut.