...
G Imlach: | O hai! I am TV's G Imlach, and I am excellent! |
NC Boardman: | O hai! I am TV's Niec C Boardman, and I, also, am excellent! |
Bethany [8]: | O hai! I am Bethany [8] and I haz a headache! Mi mum iz a fukn c-o-w innit! |
G Imlach: | Here iz a shiny BRITONS' pound, little gril. Go fone sum1 who cares! |
Omnes: | Oh dear, G Imlach! U reely shouldn't hav doned that... |
G Imlach: | So, C Froome A Yates R Porte! I Montoya N Quintana! F Gardenia! V Nibbles G Thomas TD Windmill M Landa R Bardet & Bethany [8]'s Dad! |
C Froome: | Sketchy! |
A Yates: | Sketchy! |
NC Boardman: | CP Sagan metronomicable! |
Omnes: | Isn't it a bit early for covfefe, NC? |
G Imlach: | Team tiem trial G Thomas? |
NC Boardman: | Yes, no and maybe. |
G Imlach: | Thank u, Niec C! [Aside] Idiot! Over 2 teh colemantators... |
N Boulting: | O hai! I am TV's *** Boulting! Son ov a SCIENTIST, daughter ov darkness, 2 4 teh priec ov 1! |
SD Millar: | O hai! I am TV's Super D Millar, and I am... |
Omnes: | Hat! Hat! Wanky baseball cap! U utter div, Super D! |
SD Millar: | I hate u all! |
N Boulting: | FFS! Now I'll hav 2 cope wif Mr Grumpyknickers all day! |
| [...] |
C Prudhomme: | Fckity-bai, grubby cyclists! |
SD Millar: | Wind! S ["Poisonous term" - Ed.]anel? |
N Boulting: | Wind! Cofidis! |
SD Millar: | F Craddock! At teh back. Teh silly. |
N Boulting: | Château! Clemenceau! Historize us, Super D! |
SD Millar: | |
N Boulting: | S ["Poisonous term" - Ed.]anel! Hi-status individual! Fish ponds! |
M Kitteh: | Did sum1 sa "fish"? I liek fish! Also, miaow! |
SD Millar: | Snottyjumper F Gardenia? CP Sagan! |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | Look, see, another sonically-challenged Frenchman with a punk rock electric guitar! Tiem 4 drinkies & nibbles! |
V Nibbles: | What did I do? |
M Smith: | O hai I am TV's M Smith excellent tremendous mi prisoner toda iz P Kennaugh sa helo 2 teh niec boys & grils P Kennaugh! |
P Kennaugh: | O hai clouds o bai $ky team bus o hai *** & Super D! M Smith, y u pointing that revolver @ me? |
N Boulting & SD Millar: | |
M Smith: | They've buggered off! TV's Wooden D Friebe & M Cavendish! |
M Cavendish: | Mumble wind biek Bora Quick Step mutter sassumfrassum Rick Rastardly! |
M Smith: | M Cavendish record E Merckx stage win? |
P Kennaugh: | Yes, no, CP Sagan! Disqualibobificationism: fail! |
Bethany [8]: | Yes, P Kennaugh, that's what I said. Last year, when I was still calling miself "Bethany (7)"! |
@johnlordknox (via Twitter): | Is CP Sagan really nuts?* |
P Kennaugh: | Yes. Yes, he is.+ |
CP Sagan: | C!!1! I told u I was crazy! |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | We're baaaaaaaaack! R Porte! Trek Segafredo! |
P Kennaugh: | Can I go now? I haz a plane 2 catch! |
M Smith: | Tip 4 teh win, or u stay here! |
P Kennaugh: | TD Windmill R Porte R Bardet not C Froome! Plz 2 untie me! |
SD Millar: | [Snoring] |
NC Boardman: | Belgian BEER! Night out inna glass! |
N Boulting: | It's mi birthday on Wednesday hint hint#! |
NC Boardman: | London Marathon! Surgical gloves! Vaseline! Coat plz! |
N Boulting: | Oi oi! Wot CP Sagan up to? |
Omnes: | Ur job 2 tell us, ***, u doppo! |
NC Boardman: | Wind! Sunglasses! Even when it ate'nt sunny! |
N Boulting: | 2CVs inna bicycle stylee! |
NC Boardman: | Looks liek Nobby & Dick's Auto Salvage (Finchley) 2 me! |
SD Millar: | [Advanced snoring] |
Bethany [8]: | Not much happening, then? |
Omnes: | Teh uzhul. SD Millar iz aslepe, *** & Niec C are talking utter nonse & teh Watchfinder-General iz getting on everyone's tits! |
Bethany [8]: | Ta! Gotta stay in 2da coz mi mum's bein a fukn c-o-w agen... |
N Boulting: | Y Lampaert! Nun moar Belgian! |
SD Millar: | T Grmay! Abandonnement! Perhaps he iz not well? |
A Demare: | Being ill didn't stop me last year, u gr8 ponce! |
T FdJ: | Yes it did! And it stopped us 2, u massive tw@! |
N Bouhanni (via Snapstagram): | Mi crocogator iz weeping copiously on mi behalf! |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | M Cavendish M Renshaw RJV Rensburg! Necklace** promble! |
SD Millar: | |
N Boulting: | R Molard crash road rash magic spray? |
SD Millar: | I went mouldy once. Motorbike. Hostipal. Uncool! |
Omnes: | Unexpected side-effect ov wankhattery, Super D? |
SD Millar: | Fck! Off! |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | Jumpers CP Sagan shiny snotty rainbow national Sagan 2! |
Omnes: | Wait... wot? There's 2? Ov them? |
S ["Poisonous term" - Ed.]anel: | Nevva mind him, wot about me! 6 tiems tiem-trail champion ov France, 18 Tours, gaining over teh pelican and... Aargh! I'm covered in bees! |
Bethany [8]: | What did he just say? |
SD Millar: | A bee. On hiz arm. Closest thing 2 xitement we get until teh sprint sprint sprintEEEE. |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | Combativité! Super Combativité! TD Gendt W Barguil chiz chiz! |
Bethany [8]: | Watch urself, ***! A bit ov teh old ultra-violence nevva hurt ne1, exept teh recipient! U betta tell G Imlach 2! |
N Boulting: | TB Hansgrohe! Full bifter! |
Omnes: | U akshually kno wot a "bifter" iz, ***? |
CP Sagan: | Points! Points 4 meeeeeeeeee! Crazy! |
A Demare: | Noes! Pwned! |
N Bouhanni (via Twitchat): | Prostrate wif grief, I iz! I bet u paid full-priec 4 a DFS sofa 2! |
| [...] |
SD Millar: | Crash! |
N Boulting: | LL Sanchez! |
LL Sanchez: | O-NOES! EX-TER-MIN-A-TED AL-READ-Y! |
T AS-TA-NA: | ON UR BI-EK U DOG! |
LL Sanchez: | FCK! OFF! |
j Birdsong: | Melancholy Supremes lyric goes here ==> |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | Core strength! Athlete! CP Sagan! |
SD Millar: | Not in mi day. Thank fck! |
N Boulting: | Wind! |
Omnes: | Shut! Up! |
N Boulting: | S ["Poisonous term" - Ed.]anel sprint inevitable inevitability! |
SD Millar: | |
Omnes: | Our father. Which art in Evans. Hollowtech b thi naem. Give us this minit shitverts, b4 we rise up and tolchock *** robustly about teh gulliver! |
Shitverts: | Buy! Shopping is power! Buy McShit! Debt is freedom! Buy peanuts! Get jailed jump bail join teh Air Force if u FAIL! Buy boiler maintenance from a penguin with a scarf on! Buy insewerants from horrible stage school brats and a bona-fide tw@ with a stupid moustache! Buy! |
Omnes: | On 2nd thorts... |
| [...] |
A Yates: | Iz just mi paranoia kicking in or iz Cofidis knocking every1 in2 teh gutter? Also, owwwwwww! |
LL Sanchez: | U TELL ME!!?! |
N Boulting: | Wheel change! A Demare! |
N Bouhanni (via wol): | LOL and, moreover, roffle! |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | Vendée! So mani people it cud b Yorkshire! Bonerfication sprint, Super D! |
SD Millar: | Tactics, Tic-Tacs. Yes, no and maybe. |
N Boulting: | Thank u, Super D! [Aside] Idiot! |
S ["Poisonous term" - Ed.]anel: | Yay! Boner 4 me! That was hard fnarr fnarr! |
G Thomas: | And boner 4 me also! Pls be upstanding lol! |
5: | Ai'm sure Ai don't know what u mean, J G Thomas! |
G Thomas: | Er, ask ur mam? |
| [...] |
TP Fairy: | O hai! O hai, M Kitteh! Stab, stab, stabEEEEE! |
M Kitteh: | Arse and, moreover, miaow! |
| [Enfin] |
N Boulting: | Crash! F Gardenia! Who's left CP Sagan S Colbrelli J Degenkolb A Greipel teh goriler ov 3b! |
Omnes: | Munkeh!!1! |
SD Millar: | J Alaphilippe! |
J Alaphilippe: | RAAAAWWWWWWWRR... oh. Piss! |
CP Sagan: | Cool! Shinyjumper! Snottyjumper! Very 'appee! |
Omnes: | Wait... what! He nevva said "crazy"! Has he gone mad? |
J Degenkolb: | I wuz robbed! CP Sagan knifecrimed me! He shot me! He threw a shoe @ me and poked me wif a stick! He used Novichok! He... |
N Boulting & SD Millar: | That's biek racing! |
Omnes: | Ne moar profundities ud liek 2 share, u 2? |
N Boulting & SD Millar: | Fck! Off! |
* Actual question.
+ Actual rnser. Almost.
# Trufax.
** Actual translation of Dutch word "ketting" by Farcebok.