However, turning the bike upside down would have resulted in you being booted out of the club!
Philistines. Correct repair technique, as any fule knows:
1) Turn bike upside-down.
2) Obtain spoons from kitchen drawer, getting a sibling to run interference if required.
3) Remove tube from tyre in situ.
4) Locate puncture using bowl of water, taking care to not to draw attention to the previous spoon theft in the process.
5) Select a likely-looking patch from the puncture repair kit. Remove the plastic cover and foil backing.
6) Apply a thick but not necessarily patch-width blob of glue to the tube.
7) Pick up the dropped patch, hastily brush off the acquired grit and slap it onto the tube before the glue dries.
8
) Wait a couple of minutes, or until patience runs out.
9) Test-inflate the tube.
10) Partially peel off patch and apply more glue to plug the leak.
11) Stuff tube back into tyre, and re-fit.
12) Begin to inflate the tyre.
13) Stop when you notice the tube bulging out from the improperly seated tyre behind the brake blocks.
14) Re-seat the bead using spoon tactics.
15) Re-inflate the tyre.
15b) Optionally pump up the front tyre and douse the sprocket(s) with 3-in-1 oil (while hand-cranking the drivetrain manically), for a complete bike service.
16) Turn bike the right way round. Return kitchen implements to the general vicinity of the kitchen.
17) Return to bike and notice tyre is a little soft. Shear extension hose thingy off pump while adding more air.
18) Get called in for tea.
