Braking on a bike is like braking on a motorbike, the same rules apply (except you tend to have less rubber on the road).
1) Back brakes DO slow you down, they are not useless. Note, they will slow you down but will take ages to stop you.
2) The harder you brake the more weight goes to the front wheel. The front brake becomes, potentially, more and more effective and the rear less so (ever increasing potential for lock-up).
3) The most effective braking involves front and rear braking and a degree of 'feel' to continually balance it out.
In a straight line, if you get yourself low and to the back of the bike, you can put tremendous braking force to the front wheel without going over the bars. The rear wheel under such forces will be somewhere between 100% in contact with the road and 0% in contact with the road. There's no simple answer for the question "how hard can I use my rear brake" becasue of this variable.
All you can do is practice is a safe environment to get a feel of the force required to balance front and rear.
In general though it's an 80/20 rule for stopping quickly. For simply scrubbing a bit of speed off or keeping your speed in check down a hill then it doesn't really matter.
Put simply, if your rear wheel is locking up and fish-tailing then you are pulling the rear's lever too hard and not using the front brake hard enough.