I get a couple of these calls a month from Mr SW too. The most recent call I managed to waste about 20 minutes of his time:
Me: "oh, yes, let me just turn on my computer" (it's very slooooow at starting up), put handset on desk...8-ish minutes later...I hear something issuing from the handset.
SW: "How is it going there?"
Me: "Not yet, nearly there" replaces handset on desk...a few more minutes later
SW: "Have you got the desktop yet?"
Me: "just got there, now what is it you want me to do?"
SW: usual blurb to get me to look at the system event log at tell me that all those pretty red triangles show the problem I have
Me: "oh, dear, I see what you mean"
SW: "You need to go to this website and download some software"
Me: "ah, so you want me to give you access to my PC so you can remotely control it, I don't fancy being scammed today, thanks all the same"
SW: "This isn't a scam"
Me: "Yes it is and I think I've wasted enough of your time now so would you like to go?"
SW: "Ha ha, we've already made lots of money out of you because this is a premium rate call that is costing you £199/second"
Me: chuckle "oh really? Let's just rack up some more of those seconds shall we?"
SW: "You will see on your phone bill at the end of the month!"
Me: "I'm putting the handset back on the desk now"
SW hung up after about 30 seconds, I guess he'd made enough out of me by then