Yet Another Cycling Forum

General Category => Audax => Topic started by: Nuncio on 10 August, 2010, 12:57:43 pm

Title: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Nuncio on 10 August, 2010, 12:57:43 pm
Submissions are invited for a randonneur's dictionary, offering alternative definitions for standard words and phrases. 

I'll kick off.

Arsenic – Brooks rivet that needs to be hammered back in.
Social Climber – someone who continues to witter on up a 15% climb when you can barely breathe.
Crank – someone who doesn’t ride a bike
Traquair – off-route and lost.
Colic – pertaining to a mountain pass
Cholera – someone challenging for the AAA championship
Route instr: ‘3rd exit RBT’ – approximately the 3rd exit
Diametric – Welsh system of distance measurement            
Evangelize – persuade others of the benefits of Welsh energy supplements
Evanescent –climbing a Welsh mountain in a sprightly way
Spa town – town with a Spar.
Countryside – killing Jeremy Clarkson, AA Gill and the like.
Epicycle – classic route
Recycle – re-trace route.
Tricycle – what to say to a crank
Permeable – the ease by which a calendar event can be turned into a non-calendar event
Deride – dismount   
Pacifist – someone who loves to DNF.
Nappy – prone to bus-shelter snoozing   
Sudocrem – the stuff you spray out of a can onto your apple pie
Control freak – someone who only rides Audaxes for the cakes and breakfasts.
Enlightenment – buying a Schmidt Dynohub   
Prophylactic – someone who prevents someone from riding a hilly ride by showing them an outline of the climbs and descents   
Millipedes – fixed riders on the steeper parts of the recent Welsh 1000.
Infomercial – info control in a shop   
Gastronomic – a huge plate of beans on toast      
Draftsmanship – the art of wheelsucking
Discontinued – the result of badly adjusted mountain bike brakes
Tardy – arriving late after being delayed by resurfacing work
Arriviste – a new member who gets their photo in the club magazine more frequently than you.

Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Ian H on 10 August, 2010, 03:06:57 pm
No point in replying. You've done 'em all.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: hulver on 10 August, 2010, 03:11:44 pm
Control freak made me laugh.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: rottenhat on 10 August, 2010, 03:45:32 pm
Permeable – the ease by which a calendar event can be turned into a non-calendar event

Presumably those with info controls are only semi-permeable.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Weirdy Biker on 10 August, 2010, 03:50:25 pm
Far too erudite!  Let me bring down the tone:

Rimming - the act of overapplying brakes on descent
Blowjob - a helpful tail wind on the last leg that results in a happy finish
Fisting - giving a salutory curse to the passing motorist that cuts you up at a roundabout
fudgepacking - restoring sugar levels the day after a ride through excessive consumption of biscuits and cakes
teabagging - taking a restorative rest in a cafe control
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Weirdy Biker on 10 August, 2010, 03:54:39 pm
PS: Can't believe you missed out "Scenic".  Probably the most well known audax homonym.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: HTFB on 10 August, 2010, 04:07:40 pm
Smilax -- a cheerful audaxer (rare, poss. obs);
Borax -- who doesn't know when to stop with the ride reports;
Coax -- long-distance stoker;
Battleax -- the William the Conkerer 200.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: hellymedic on 10 August, 2010, 05:41:13 pm
rhinoceros: ride over Wrynose pass
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Rimnod on 10 August, 2010, 07:11:35 pm
Scottish glen - wind tunnel
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Deano on 10 August, 2010, 07:16:37 pm
Routesheet - regretting having entered a ride.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Fab Foodie on 10 August, 2010, 07:59:14 pm
Grimpeur - miserable Audaxer
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Panoramix on 10 August, 2010, 08:04:03 pm
Veteran - can locate on a map all Welsh bus shelters of interest
PBP - Transhumance
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 10 August, 2010, 08:06:16 pm
Tearjerker - Organiser who's route instructions are so obtuse and open to misinterpretation as to lead any grown audaxer to cry.
Postal Finish - Last few kilometers that are a sign of an organisers mad attempts to find the true shortest route to the end control.
Free Parking - Any ride done between Octber and March
Recumbent - Rider who whinged bitterly all the way around the route last year signing on again and likely to do the same.
Fast Food - Food ordered at a control during that is of a disappoint portion size.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Ian H on 10 August, 2010, 08:17:56 pm
Scenic - Route likely to cause 'scenes' at the finish.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Basil on 10 August, 2010, 08:22:09 pm
Explain --  After 20 miles of flat the route begins to get lumpy again

Rancors --  Forgot bike

Beetroot --  After a DNF last time, a success this year.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 10 August, 2010, 08:32:04 pm
Energy Gel - The lady rider who turns up with a touring bike, mudguards, rack and full panniers and proceeds to ride half the skinny whippets into the ground.
Energy Bar - A trip to the pub 50k from the finish for a pint of Sharpes Isotonic Doom Bar
Pit Stop - A crash caused by a very obvious and easily avoidable pothole.
Pot Hole - A dodgy looking greasy spoon that serves a dubious cup of tea used by an organiser as a control who unfathomably lauds it's character.
Character - Rider who leaves the last control after you and arrives at the next before you.
Control - The illusion that you will be able to make an optimistic finish time.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Tewdric on 10 August, 2010, 11:13:06 pm
Bicycle - Mode of transport for people who like to swing both ways.
Bulwark Community Centre - Meeting place of several footpaths for male cows.
Menai - Yes, the riders are male.
Velocipede - Insect with many legs riding a bike.
Ambidexterous - Emergency vehicle carrying energy tablets.
Inner tube - On the Underground.
Tourmalet - Incest on the Grande Boucle.
Prologue - Racing cyclist's... No, forget it.
Coq au Vin  - Inconsiderate Transit driver
Hormone - Gasp of despair at a beyond-classification climb.
Pannier - Even more like a saucepan.





Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Feline on 11 August, 2010, 01:27:21 am
ROFL at Social Climber and also Coq Au Vin  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: ludwig on 11 August, 2010, 07:36:52 am
 A road. What  randonneurs ride on
 B road. Where randonneurs get stung
 Grimace.  A randonneur that is excellent on hilly rides
 Cakehole. A control with a poor reputation.
 Scenic. What you used to do at the start of the poor student


Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Chris N on 11 August, 2010, 08:25:57 am
A less audax specific set here:
Cycling Glossary « EX-MESSENGER OF DOOM. Bastard bicyclist's blog's a big bag of bollocks. (http://messengerofdoom.wordpress.com/cycling-glossary/)

Although garbloading is particularly appropriate.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: robgul on 11 August, 2010, 08:28:48 am
Country park .... instruction for a BMW driver

Rob
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: thing1 on 11 August, 2010, 02:18:23 pm
To Garage pasty it.   The means by which a "Character" can avoid queuing at a control whilst still refueling
Alfrescourt.              A meal eaten outdoors, usually on a garage forecourt. Often consists of pasty.
Pasties.                    A very dry and sticky mouth, often from too much wheezing or consuming sweet drinks.
Wheezing.               Oral activity that typically accompanies Grimping.
Wheeeeeezer.          A feller enjoying the descent after sustained grimping.
Patsy.                      A pasty that doesn't settle well, and gets blamed for a subsequent DNF.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Weirdy Biker on 11 August, 2010, 03:53:35 pm
Carbohydrate - on consumption of jelly babies washed down with cola, the speed by which the sugar rush comes on and then fades away

Arrow - Bikes parked outside a control

Pedalling - a Dundonian asking his missus for a bridie or other pastry snack
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: mikedrums on 10 October, 2013, 02:16:20 pm
Toe clip - Hasty dismount occasioned by the interaction between one's foot and an sks front mudguard. Usually uphill.

PS. I find Sharpes isotonic Doom bar an excellent energy drink too.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Exit Stage Left on 10 October, 2013, 04:29:40 pm
i did a short filler article for Arrivee about this subject in 2006, it's probably on here somewhere. Short quarter page articles can help fill awkward gaps.

Quote
New words for old feelings.
I
 have been re-connecting with some of my past of late, re-reading some of my inspirational books, Everest and the Arctic the main subjects. In Arctic Dreams by Barry Lopez I came across some Eskimo words which chimed a bit with how I felt at times, there was ilira ( nervous awe), kappia (apprehension) and nuannaarpoq (taking extravagant pleasure in being alive) In ‘The Climb’ by Anatoli Boukreev and G. Weston de Walt I found a Russian word, samochuvstvie (An impression of a person’s state of being, the combined and observable aspects of a person’s mental, physical and emotional state.)

This interested me as it is so often difficult to adequately describe the positive aspects of Audax riding. So much cycling slang refers to  suffering on the bike, as we bonk, we grovel and then we crack. We all know what it means to be ‘on song’ to be literally singing with joy, usually with the wind at our backs, but other shared experiences stay within our own hearts for want of an adequate vocabulary.

Peter Marshall gave us a glossary of French cycling slang in Arrivee before the last PBP. These summoned up much of the feeling of riding in a group and in a culture in which cycling isn’t so ‘far out’, but what can express the joy of keeping pace with a Barn Owl as it hunts along a main drain across the Fens in the light of an early summer dawn, or the misery of hard won time draining away into a headwind on an endless false flat.

The particular joy of Audax for me lies in the tangential experiences, the fact that things are happening at the edge of the main event. The world passes by as does in a train journey, inexorably, but the foreground is not the flickering blur we see through the carriage window, we smell the new-mown hay, we hear the deer crashing through the corn and hope they won’t dash across our path. But we don’t hang around,  our aim is not to be part of  the world we pass through, but to get right back to where we started from. What we need a vocabulary to share our Audax experience.

1) . Welcome-Broken: The mental state which enables one to sleep underneath a table in a motorway service station cafeteria lit by 5,000 watts of fluorescent tubes. From Welcome Break

2) . Smugliness: The proud look on your face when a waitress or shop assistant advertises your audacity to bystanders.

3) Contemptment:The feeling you get when a staggering drunk tells you to ‘get a life’.
 
4) Dumpling: The action of pulling away from another rider who is riding at a lower pace, also the name for that rider.

5) Yadmossia: A nervous apprehension that rabbits are about to run under your front wheel..

6) Schmidt-blindness: Loss of night vision caused by a bright light following immediately behind. ‘.

7)Viewphoria: Legs spinning with renewed vigour in areas of outstanding natural beauty, usually the cycling leg of a Triathlon, can also apply to scenery.

8)Bananausea: I don’t mind if I see another bendy yellow fruit of the genus Musa, no don’t say the name, oh no! it’s too late.

9)Amnausea. I feel queasy, I don’t know why, I’ve only had 12 Ibuprofen, 10 Gel thingy’s, 5 litres of PSP and 15 Nutri Grain bars in the last 250 miles, it’s not as if I haven’t done this before.

Looking back at my suggestions for new words to describe the joy of Audax, I seem to  have concentrated on  what might seem to be negative aspects. I am starting  to question my optimism, am I a glass half empty or glass half full kind of guy, the answer of course is that both glasses are full of  Coke and I’m now drinking the last 500mm out of the 2 litre bottle I bought because it cost £1.26 and 500mm would have cost £1.19. I must admit that I swing between trying to sum up the craziness of Audax and being scared that analysing any part of it might bring the whole thing crashing down like a house of cards. Only time, distance and of course the coming PBP season will tell.


Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Wobbly on 12 October, 2013, 04:30:03 pm
Edinburgh - Looking for a rabbit.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: The French Tandem on 12 October, 2013, 04:50:20 pm
Traquair has a second definition: "Whisky poured over a bowl of porridge".
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: hellymedic on 12 October, 2013, 05:08:59 pm
Ickenham: Nauseous state after hard ride.
Rayners Lane: Wet street
Dollis Hill: Boring suburb
Moor Park: Public convenience
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: eck on 12 October, 2013, 05:14:43 pm
Bogendriep (Scot, qv): the transparent wet globule that hangs from your nose on a long cold descent.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Wobbly on 12 October, 2013, 08:42:57 pm
Bikey Mikey - quite a bit like a bike and a mike.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: tonyh on 13 October, 2013, 10:28:22 am
(nothing to add yet, thanks for all the above....
only just found this thread. My last two months could have been a lot happier!)
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Jaded on 13 October, 2013, 10:51:16 am
Clergy - blocked nose and sore throat on the last Sunday of the last month of your RRTY.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Nuncio on 14 October, 2013, 01:22:00 pm

Parallelogram - Diagram of a Slough Livingston Slough route.

Alleluia - Exclamation of joy/relief uttered when nearly 1200km into a 1400km ride if it's taken that long to experience your first bowel movement.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Jaded on 14 October, 2013, 01:46:28 pm
Tillage - the time it takes the slow member of staff to give you a usable receipt for PoP.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: hellymedic on 14 October, 2013, 02:13:18 pm
Hopscotch: unshod Traquair breakfast.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: hillbilly on 14 October, 2013, 07:59:57 pm
(Looking back on my old posts as Weirdy Biker.  Carbohydrate and fudgepacking.  Pffft).

Atlas - looking at a map and realising you are 2km from the Arrivee
Ballast - the exclamation of an overweight rider at the Arrivee of a grimpeur
Pensive - the look of one filtering through the saddle bag for a writing instrument at an information control.
Bastard - a sheep who runs across your path on a fast descent
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: derico on 15 October, 2013, 08:31:26 am
Eggsessentialism - early morning ride on empty stomach rewarded by hearty breakfast 
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: mcshroom on 15 October, 2013, 08:55:49 am
Tailwind - story about the effect of baked beans on audaxers
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: hillbilly on 15 October, 2013, 12:43:05 pm
Asswiper - a randonneur who uses a credit card rather than cash for a 10p Freddo
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Wobbly on 15 October, 2013, 12:47:20 pm
I get the distinct impression not everyone quite gets the idea behind the Uxbridge English Dictionary.   ;D
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Fab Foodie on 15 October, 2013, 08:16:14 pm

Dollis Hill: Boring suburb
;D
Class, pure class ....
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: hellymedic on 15 October, 2013, 08:38:27 pm

Dollis Hill: Boring suburb
;D
Class, pure class ....

I'm afraid this is not all mine. I heard it called 'Dull as Hell'...
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Fab Foodie on 15 October, 2013, 09:35:32 pm

Dollis Hill: Boring suburb
;D
Class, pure class ....

I'm afraid this is not all mine. I heard it called 'Dull as Hell'...

Shush, I won't tell  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: hellymedic on 16 October, 2013, 01:18:26 pm
Where can I sleep?

Onamatopeia.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: mikewigley on 16 October, 2013, 08:17:17 pm
Where can I sleep?

Onamatopeia.

The Uxbridge definition for Onamatopeia would also include some reference to incontinence
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: tonyh on 16 October, 2013, 09:27:36 pm

Equipment for keeping your body clear of the floor of certain bus shelters.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Ian H on 16 October, 2013, 09:56:28 pm
Bartape: Yellow, spikey-haired chimp.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Wobbly on 16 October, 2013, 10:00:42 pm
Kidderminster - Lobbying sting to catch out a front bench politician.

Kidderminster Killer - 007 revenge reprisal.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Wobbly on 16 October, 2013, 10:05:04 pm
PBP - briefly interrupted during a "comfort" break
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: hillbilly on 16 October, 2013, 10:09:28 pm
Pirate - cost of a Ginsters
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Wobbly on 16 October, 2013, 10:17:17 pm
Helly, MemSec, Ian H & HillB (for his latter contribution) very much +1

:-)
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Jaded on 18 October, 2013, 10:10:13 pm
Guffaw - the expression on passer byes' faces as Audaxers release gas pressure.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 20 October, 2013, 08:40:01 am
Downtube - The result of undertraining, underpreparation and under the table the night before
Seat Stay - Control with slow service and very comfortable seating
Chain Stay - McDonalds, Motorway Services, etc...
Bottom Bracket -  Adherents to the Jack Eason style of riding
Braze On - Fellow rider who tells you in realtime detail of the last time they did this ride (double points if they tell you about riding it with you)
Headset - A real determination to make the next control by a certain time
A-Headset - A real determination to make the next control before the rider you can see up the road in front of you
Canti-brakes - The panic inducing descending style of a fellow rider
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: hillbilly on 20 October, 2013, 08:47:28 am
Terrible - an aluminium winter audax bike used by some members
Temerity - a brew in jovial company
Broody - needing a cuppa
Samaritan - an Italian pointing out Mr Malins
Alien - staying in bed when it is raining heavily
Galactic - Sore quads from climbing
Bumbling - a plastic bag from Waitrose used as a seat cover
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: derico on 21 October, 2013, 08:55:33 am
satire - rubber enclosure often inflated protecting your rim from the tarmac
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Exit Stage Left on 21 October, 2013, 09:09:38 am
Allure Libre- All your problems are all your own, that's freedom for you.
You can take that one at your own pace.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Ningishzidda on 21 October, 2013, 10:26:57 am
Uxbridge – A town in West London, formerly in Middlesex.
Oxbridge – A name given to the collaboration of Oxford and Cambridge Universities.


Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Ningishzidda on 21 October, 2013, 10:35:56 am
Philipe. N. Touatte.

Audax rider who misses a routesheet instruction.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Ningishzidda on 21 October, 2013, 10:38:36 am
Wayne Kerr.

A British Audax rider who misses a routesheet instruction.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: derico on 29 October, 2013, 09:20:53 am
Garmins - cautious cleated walk to cafe with GPS in jersey pocket for safekeeping
Assos - usually a choice of red or brown
cadence - a measure of rudeness
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Ningishzidda on 29 October, 2013, 10:14:41 am
Tarmac – Thanking a Scotsman.
Ashphalt – Discovering someone is pushing you by placing their hand on your buttock.
Rough road – A residential street where the householders care little for the upkeep of their homes and gardens.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Wild Rover on 29 October, 2013, 11:07:32 am
Wayne Kerr.

A British Audax rider who misses a routesheet instruction.

Along with his Spanish cousin, Juan.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Ningishzidda on 29 October, 2013, 11:47:00 am
A member of AUK who works in a hospital.

Randy nurse.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Ningishzidda on 29 October, 2013, 11:53:00 am
B.S.A.

Bloody Sore Arse.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Ningishzidda on 30 October, 2013, 09:29:50 am
33 1/3

A long distance cyclist's lavatory.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Ian H on 30 October, 2013, 09:49:37 am
Double-butted: arse at both ends.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Ningishzidda on 30 October, 2013, 09:59:06 am
Control – When an inept cyclist falls off and gambols along the verge.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: hellymedic on 30 October, 2013, 02:19:59 pm
Diarrhœa: Extreme saddle sore
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: hillbilly on 30 October, 2013, 03:39:24 pm
Country views - when someone you don't like shares their opinion about equipment they've used or rides they've done.
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: hillbilly on 30 October, 2013, 03:48:52 pm
COUNTRY SING-ALONG

A sportive rider doing an audax for the first time.

 :smug:
Title: Re: Audax Uxbridge Dictionary
Post by: Phil W on 30 October, 2013, 04:02:38 pm
Saddle - a LEL rider who failed to finish or ran out of time
Pedal - what comes out after traditional curry
Rectitude - formal dignified bearing adopted on getting off ones bicycle at the arrivée