Has my phone been hacked by lowlife scumsuckers working for News International? Or, has someone here been giving away my secrets? Or, is it my local vendor of newsprint and periodicals who has put the word out about my subscription to Amateur Proctologist (incorporating Enema Weekly)?
These are the only explanations I can find for the behaviour that I witness daily, where I stop at a red light and then in the period before the lights change to green cyclists that I have previously overtaken come past and stop in front of me, and then when the lights do change to a man (for sadly they are all men) raise their arses in the air and wave them at me as they impede my acceleration. I try and tell them "People, put your arses down and learn to ride your bicycles you bunch of tossers" as I go around them.
Obviously this is just code for "I have promised to gaze only up the botty of two holes Greg"