A random thread for food things that don't really warrant a thread of their own

[Mrs Pingu]

Nope

[Slave To The Viking]

Riiiiiight. So, a hierarchy of crisps which does mention Cool Doritos but doesn't mention any form of Smoky Bacon is to be taken seriously, is it?

[Mrs Pingu]

I don't like meat crisps. The only reason the roast beef and mustard is in there is because the mustard blows your brains out.

[Slave To The Viking]

Well, on that point I'm very much with you. Though I'd suggest that the "beef" element tastes nothing like actual beef, but does a generically savoury, soy-saucy MSG type thing that provides a general background and stops it being just mustard.

[Slave To The Viking]

In fact, Smoky Bacon is similar. The smoke makes it - the meatiness of the so-called 'bacon' is just providing something generically savoury.

[Slave To The Viking]

Cool Doritos though. You know when you'd describe something that isn't cheese as smelling/tasting a bit cheesy? It's never a good thing, really, whether it's food, feet or a first date.

That's what I get from Cool Doritos. Like opening a bin that's "a bit cheesy".

[ian]

I don't even know what Doritos are, I think they're some weird offshoot on the phylogenetic tree of crisps and snacks that somehow failed to go extinct. I had to google Cool Doritos, it seems they're what the Americans would call ranch dressing. I have no idea who first dressed a ranch, but it is one of the dressings the restaurant salad gauntlet where your server offers you frenchitalianvinegaretterussianhoneymustarddijonchipotlecaesarbuttlemilkthousandislandbleucheesegreekredwinewhitewinegreekcreamybalsamicwesternlemon – and – take a breath – ranch. Also make the server repeat them all. Twice. You may as well some value for that 20% tip.

An aside however, all flavoured crisps are minging. Ready Salted are the true way.

[citoyen]

Cool Doritos though. You know when you'd describe something that isn't cheese as smelling/tasting a bit cheesy? It's never a good thing, really, whether it's food, feet or a first date.

That's what I get from Cool Doritos. Like opening a bin that's "a bit cheesy".

Have you ever tried vegan parmesan? Very similar experience.

I think it's made out of old trainers.

[citoyen]

I don't even know what Doritos are, I think they're some weird offshoot on the phylogenetic tree of crisps and snacks that somehow failed to go extinct. I had to google Cool Doritos, it seems they're what the Americans would call ranch dressing. I have no idea who first dressed a ranch, but it is one of the dressings the restaurant salad gauntlet where your server offers you frenchitalianvinegaretterussianhoneymustarddijonchipotlecaesarbuttlemilkthousandislandbleucheesegreekredwinewhitewinegreekcreamybalsamicwesternlemon – and – take a breath – ranch. Also make the server repeat them all. Twice. You may as well some value for that 20% tip.

An aside however, all flavoured crisps are minging. Ready Salted are the true way.

Ranch dressing is basically Salad Cream afaict.

[Mr Larrington]

Cool Doritos though. You know when you'd describe something that isn't cheese as smelling/tasting a bit cheesy? It's never a good thing, really, whether it's food, feet or a first date.

That's what I get from Cool Doritos. Like opening a bin that's "a bit cheesy".

Have you ever tried vegan parmesan? Very similar experience.

I think it's made out of old trainers.

THIS! IS! AN! OUTRAGE!

[ian]

I've never eaten a Dorito but the internet confirms they're some kind of synthetic tortilla chip substitute. I mean, why just roast a tortilla to crispness, when you can combine 1,000 ingredients in a machine and make something that looks like radioactive cardboard triangles that has none of the health benefits of radioactive cardboard triangles.

Ranch dressing is traditionally buttermilk, sour cream, mayonnaise, garlic, and dill, and is quite nice. Whatever you buy in a bottle from a supermarket, on the other, hand, who knows. I don't think I've seen it in the UK, but it's ubiquitous in the US as the most popular condiment. Weirdly, although I don't like blue cheese as it is foetid, I do like bleu cheese dressing, it's truly the only thing to go with buffalo wings. I don't know what makes blue bleu, but it's successful.

The worst snack I've ever eaten is baked pita chips. They truly are like eating extra dry cardboard and woodchips.

[citoyen]

Ranch dressing is traditionally buttermilk, sour cream, mayonnaise, garlic, and dill, and is quite nice. Whatever you buy in a bottle from a supermarket, on the other, hand, who knows. I don't think I've seen it in the UK, but it's ubiquitous in the US as the most popular condiment. Weirdly, although I don't like blue cheese as it is foetid, I do like bleu cheese dressing, it's truly the only thing to go with buffalo wings. I don't know what makes blue bleu, but it's successful.

I don't think I've ever had freshly made ranch dressing, only stuff out of a bottle. Paul Newman Ranch Dressing is OK but nothing special. It's not as good as his Italian Dressing, which remains the best salad-dressing-in-a-bottle I've ever tried - ideal for those days when I really am too lazy to even whisk together a splash of vinegar and oil.

[ian]

The Paul Newman Italian my go-to basic salad dressing too, seems to be better than my efforts to replicate for reasons unknown. A habit I brought back from the US, I swear it was the only bottled dressing that didn't contain sugar or HFCS.

Apparently, if the internet is to be believed, he did invent it in his barn.

In other news, people who dunk their buffalo wings in ranch dressing are wrong.

[rafletcher]

I've never eaten a Dorito but the internet confirms they're some kind of synthetic tortilla chip substitute. I mean, why just roast a tortilla to crispness, when you can combine 1,000 ingredients in a machine and make something that looks like radioactive cardboard triangles that has none of the health benefits of radioactive cardboard triangles.

The plain ones are just that, corn boiled with caustic to soften the husk (originally I think using an ash solution) then formed and fried. It’s the flavourings that have all the shit in.

[Mr Larrington]

Aaaaaaaargh!  Chemicals!!1!
</Gwyneth_Paltrow>

[citoyen]

Aaaaaaaargh!  Chemicals!!1!
</Gwyneth_Paltrow>

Vagina-flavoured crisps?

[Mr Larrington]

Don’t go giving her ideas!

[Gattopardo]

Currently fancy white asparagus, at roome temperature from a jar, with paprika flavour crisps.

[Ham]

I've never eaten a Dorito but the internet confirms they're some kind of synthetic tortilla chip substitute. I mean, why just roast a tortilla to crispness, when you can combine 1,000 ingredients in a machine and make something that looks like radioactive cardboard triangles that has none of the health benefits of radioactive cardboard triangles.

Ranch dressing is traditionally buttermilk, sour cream, mayonnaise, garlic, and dill, and is quite nice. Whatever you buy in a bottle from a supermarket, on the other, hand, who knows. I don't think I've seen it in the UK, but it's ubiquitous in the US as the most popular condiment. Weirdly, although I don't like blue cheese as it is foetid, I do like bleu cheese dressing, it's truly the only thing to go with buffalo wings. I don't know what makes blue bleu, but it's successful.

The worst snack I've ever eaten is baked pita chips. They truly are like eating extra dry cardboard and woodchips.

The actual way to make tortilla chips asanyfulewhohastakencookinglessoninMexicoshallkno is to cut corn tortilla into triangles and fry. I always wondered why Doritos aren't too far from the real thing, then I managed to sit through Gregg Wallace on an Inside The Factory in the Dorito factory in Coventry, and they actually go through the tortilla making process, as has been noted involving chemistry and basically just bypass the intermediate tortilla stage and go straight from moosh to crisp. I do wonder why corn tortilla are so hard to get in the UK, though. (All you will find on the shelves are wheat, or at best wheat and corn)

ETA - I should have pointed out, it's close, but no cigar

[Mr Larrington]

At the Aguila Réal in Battle Mountain they give you the choice of raw material for you tortillas, and everyone opts for cron*.

* see https://kobi5.com/news/sweet-cron-the-story-behind-the-signs-77998/ for details

[andrewc]

Goodbye Pork Pie....    ? 


https://www.theguardian.com/food/2022/mar/08/the-end-of-the-pork-pie-are-classic-british-foods-really-becoming-endangered

[ian]

Does anyone eat liver and onions anymore? It's the food trauma of my childhood.

[andrewc]

Caramelised onions,  liver done so it's a bit pink in the middle, nom.

[citoyen]

Hell yeah! Only problem with having liver these days is that the dog goes mental and starts drooling as soon as I open the packet.

[ian]

Trust me, give the dog the liver and eat the dog's food. The exchange will be in your favour.