ACME Miscellany

[The Retiree]

The ACME peloton made its now annual trip to the Woolpack's beer festival preview last night. 

I arrived to find Tomsk and Soupy already on station and sampling.  Mr and Mrs JiberJaber were also in attendance having walked down the well trodden path that takes them from their house to the Woolpack and Bilash .  According to Mrs J she had been frogmarched down to the pub at some pace, so eager was her consort to start the sampling.

The Witham chapter composed of huggy, OD, Hotblack, GavinSSN and the Gear Whisperer rolled in some time later.  The lateness of their arrival and the slightly haunted look on their faces presumably meant that OD's route had proved every bit as interesting as his other efforts.

Beer festival rules were applied but this didn't stop Hotblack and GavinSSN using the GW as their waiter for the night.  The poor GW was trying to save some energy for Saturday's flatlands trip but they were having none of it.  Meanwhile, the GW himself spent most of the evening sulking and muttering into his pint about the fact that Huggy and I were not riding with him on Saturday.  He almost had us feeling sorry for him with his lament about travelling the fens alone and unloved.  Of course he will be fine and will have several esteemed members of the ACME peloton and Bobb if he needs to share a bus shelter on the way to Lincoln.

My excuse for not riding the Flatlands was that I had hurt my knee and therefore had barely ridden in August.  If only I had know that help was literally at hand, OD's healing hands that is.  A swift rub of his hands and then laying them onto my knee and I was instantly... embarrassed by a slightly creepy picture of the occasion on social media.  At least I forgot my sore knee for a while.

Various ales were sampled with the more avant garde in our number opting for a range of fruit beers and a ginger flavoured ale. OD is certainly acquiring a rather unique set of badges on Untappd.

Anyway it was good to be out on a Wednesday having missed a few recently.

Lovely to have you back Ted on the evening write ups you have been sorely missed!!


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[Oscar's dad]

My excuse for not riding the Flatlands was that I had hurt my knee and therefore had barely ridden in August.  If only I had know that help was literally at hand, OD's healing hands that is.  A swift rub of his hands and then laying them onto my knee and I was instantly... embarrassed by a slightly creepy picture of the occasion on social media.  At least I forgot my sore knee for a while ...

The patient reports his knee is much betterer this morning    ted, do you think any follow up sessions might be useful?

[huggy]

The patient reports his knee is much betterer this morning    ted, do you think any follow up sessions might be useful?

Of course he does, he'd rather not have a repeat application of the *healing hands* 

[Oscar's dad]

 

[tedshred]

I think I ought to explain what happened.

OD had assured me that he was blessed with a special talent.  Being a trusting soul, I took him at his word and allowed him to treat me.

I now realise that I have been duped by a manipulative Svengali figure.  Since going public with my story I have been approached by a number of people with similar tales to tell.  It seems that OD has a long history of taking advantage of people he meets on the internet.  He calls himself a thought leader and avant garde but the truth is that he is a dangerous menace to civilised society.

I have taken the decision to waive my anonymity in the hope that it might prevent someone else from a life of cycling to and from remote pubs in the dead of night to drink real ale, camping in January in beer gardens, riding convoluted routes with unexpected COR, being subjected to faux denim rainlegs and being encouraged to partake in ever more preposterous notions all in the name of fun.  It is too late for me but at least the warning is out there.

[Oscar's dad]

So you'll be joining us on our next bivvy night then? 

[tedshred]

Of course !

[Oscar's dad]

Of course !

   Just watch out for the slugs 

[The Retiree]

I think I ought to explain what happened.

OD had assured me that he was blessed with a special talent.  Being a trusting soul, I took him at his word and allowed him to treat me.

I now realise that I have been duped by a manipulative Svengali figure.  Since going public with my story I have been approached by a number of people with similar tales to tell.  It seems that OD has a long history of taking advantage of people he meets on the internet.  He calls himself a thought leader and avant garde but the truth is that he is a dangerous menace to civilised society.

I have taken the decision to waive my anonymity in the hope that it might prevent someone else from a life of cycling to and from remote pubs in the dead of night to drink real ale, camping in January in beer gardens, riding convoluted routes with unexpected COR, being subjected to faux denim rainlegs and being encouraged to partake in ever more preposterous notions all in the name of fun.  It is too late for me but at least the warning is out there.

Ted you have missed out the Jesus creeper sandals with socks and even worse seperate toe socks.......


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[Oscar's dad]

Sorry, who are you

In order to take part in this witty badinage its polite to turn out on the occasional Wednesday.

[The Retiree]

Sorry, who are you

In order to take part in this witty badinage its polite to turn out on the occasional Wednesday.

The retiree and if your retired surely you no longer need to partake in Wednesday evening activities


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[Oscar's dad]

Sorry, who are you

In order to take part in this witty badinage its polite to turn out on the occasional Wednesday.

The retiree and if your retired surely you no longer need to partake in Wednesday evening activities

Unretire occasionally, we miss you 

[The Retiree]

Sorry, who are you

In order to take part in this witty badinage its polite to turn out on the occasional Wednesday.

The retiree and if your retired surely you no longer need to partake in Wednesday evening activities

I intend to join awheel on a Weds evening in the very near future 
Unretire occasionally, we miss you 

[Oscar's dad]

Come back doggers we need you!  Gavin had a dogging question last night and there was no-one to answer it!

[psyclist]

Three questions for my learned friends:

1. The forward planning calendar is a great idea, so I can see when the rides can be reached from the west of the region ... but I'm struggling to find the Facebook group where the document is apparently located ... search on Facebook using Audax Club and you find a few other clubs, but not ACME ... search on ACME and you're into a different world

2. On the original post from OD, there is an event on 19th Nov described as 'Essex Shit Roads'. What is this?

3. Flitchbikes, where art thou? Google isn't helping. I know the original location has closed, but I'm thinking I heard somebody mention a new shop had opened elsewhere in Dunmow. I need to sort my daughter out with a suitable hybrid steed.

[tedshred]

Last night we welcomed the Heroes of the Flatlands and a special guest to the other Compasses.

The Heroes: First fixed SR - Oaky, First fixed 600 - Tippers, First SR - AndyC33 and no excuse offered - Bobb, had tales of much derring and no little do on what seems to have been a hardcore edition of the Flatlands.  They were all in remarkably good shape, all that is except for poor old Tippers' undercarriage.  Fortunately, we had our own version of Peter Popoff ready and waiting with his rubber gloves.  It is probably best to leave that part of the evening there and just note that Tippers made an early exit shortly afterwards.

Our special guest, Bhoot, was welcomed by a good turn out from the Witham peloton.  In addition to the Heroes and the Healer, it also had Huggy, Hotblack and Gavin SSN.  Tomsk made a brief appearance, as one does when it is "only" 27 miles each way to the pub.  What Bhoot made of the whole thing was not clear but she also made an early exit which may speak volumes about the quality of the conversation.

We sampled Hop Monster Pekko and Broadsword, both by George's Brewery and SB Surprise by Farmer's Ales.  Pekko took the Quaffers' Choice.

Talk was of the forthcoming Winter Brevet Series, Bobb and AndyC33's sterling efforts not to ride RRTY now that they are 10 months in and the musical entertainment at epiphany.  In a dramatic move, Oaky has made a bid to form a barbershop quartet to challenge current chart toppers OD and Bobb.  Oaky is now hard at work altering the words of well know football songs so that they are about OD.

Another fun night for MEMWNS but surely the last night of the year when it will be hot riding home in short sleeves ?

[Tomsk]

psyclist:

1] Sorry, but Farcebook is beyond my area of expertise. I was overjoyed to be given a paper copy of The List last night, delivered by the hand of OD. 

2] Essex Shit Roads is OD's unique mix of Comedy Off-Roading, gravel byways and lanes that are heading towards the former two categories. Bobb, Oscar's Dad and I rode a version a few years ago, joined later by Huggy, JJ and I think, Flatbar Steve...[anyone I've forgotten?]

I went down the full-sus MTB route, OD on his Claud Butler front sus roadified MTB, Bobb with 'cross bike. It was a bit muddy at times, with visitations from She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, [deep puddly ruts revealing a tell-tale stream of bubbles from a tyre!] pub time, light rain. Brilliant fun!

3] Flitchbikes are in North Street, just past the Doctor's Pond [on street parking there]. It's our nearest shop! 

[huggy]

I'm struggling to find the Facebook group where the document is apparently located ... search on Facebook using Audax Club and you find a few other clubs, but not ACME ... search on ACME and you're into a different world

That which you seek is here

[Oaky]

They were all in remarkably good shape, all that is except for poor old Tippers' undercarriage.  Fortunately, we had our own version of Peter Popoff ready and waiting with his rubber gloves.  It is probably best to leave that part of the evening there and just note that Tippers made an early exit shortly afterwards.

Wouldn't anyone?

Oaky is now hard at work altering the words of well know football songs so that they are about OD.

Cricket and rugby songs also eligible.

In fact, last night's "starter for ten" is based on the England cricket fans' "wind up Mitchell Johnson" song ("He bowls to the left, he bowls to the right, That Mitchell Johnson,  his bowling is shite")


He veers to the left!
He veers to the ri-ight!
The Hedgefinder Gen'ral,
His steering is shite!

 

[tippers_kiwi]

I was thinking I am not going to do the Shite Roads ride now that the 'Gravel' bike is nearly back to being an 'Audax' bike but.....I now realise I can switch the wheels on the fixed (and a couple of other changes) and it should work.....maybe. Only one way to find out I guess!

[Oscar's dad]

I will start work on the Shit Roads ride soon. You won't need a MTB or even a full on gravel bike, the roads are that shite. Bonus points if you do it on 23c boots!

[tippers_kiwi]

hehe....cool. Let me know if you want any input from the couple of rides I did this summer. Some Handlebar height plants, a level crossing lots of potholed gravel and a mountain bike route up and down north hill among some of the highlights.

[Oscar's dad]

hehe....cool. Let me know if you want any input from the couple of rides I did this summer. Some Handlebar height plants, a level crossing lots of potholed gravel and a mountain bike route up and down north hill among some of the highlights.

Yes, all the above. Can you put the tracks on RwGPS or similar?

[tippers_kiwi]

Yep, will do!

[Wowbagger]

I think I shall have to put in an appearance in the not too distant future. In interests of approaching total retirement, I have upped my workless days total to 80%* now, which means that Wednesdays are mine to do what I like with, domestic circumstances permitting, and I generally like to have permissive domestic circumstances. The sort of thing that appeals to me is a day ride somewhere, culminating in a pub with a bunch of mid-Essex reprobates, followed by a train home.

I must put what is left of my mind to it.

*That's 80% of Monday to Friday, ie all of them except Tuesday.