The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[Basil]

Obviously I meant I was sitting on the 'bog'.  Not the 'not', whatever that would be.  Still you seemed to have got that.

[Mrs Pingu]

*chortle*

[ElyDave]

Obviously I meant I was sitting on the 'bog'.  Not the 'not', whatever that would be.  Still you seemed to have got that.

At least it didn't come out as sitting on the boy.  I recommend a hot wash

[T42]

Obviously I meant I was sitting on the 'bog'.  Not the 'not', whatever that would be.  Still you seemed to have got that.

I rather liked not as it was, especially since it means emergency in German.  When I was first in Stuttgart I used to look at the Notausgang signs in the tunnels and wonder why they labelled the doors that way if you couldn't go through them.

When you've been living outside the country for decades you approach any unfamiliar usage with caution, in case something that seems innocuous turns out to be unutterably filthy.  That's how I discovered the secondary meaning of glory hole.

[matthew]

I spent the day at donnington park watching my uncle race his austin 7 special. All great fun and i hope some of my pictures came out ok.

However this div left his suncream in his tent. The back of my neck now feels rather tight and hot.

Mind you i wasn't racing in the locost caterham series who had 3 races and 4 red flags in the weekend including a race where 34 lined up for the start and before one lap was completed the red flag was out. Only 21 returned to the grid!

[Aunt Maud]

Having sharpened my kindling axe, I did something today that only a complete fecking eejit would do. Once. Cue sore finger and blood dripping.

Ahem, I've still got the scar, some 55 years later, on my thumb, after a similar incident, chopping firewood.  I recall my late mum dragging me upstairs to the bathroom for repairs.

I tried to chop my foot off with an adze, luckily the boney bit in my shin stoped it going all the way across to the other side.

[andytheflyer]

Bought a long out-of-print book "Rudiments and Theory of Music" back in January.  Our new pup ate it a few weeks later.

Music teacher today referred me to it, so I thought I'd better buy another.  Found one 2nd hand on Amazon, and bought it.

Opened a drawer in my desk, looking for something else, and there was another copy of the book. Doh.  Must have bought a replacement copy, but I don't remember it.  Anno Domini.....  Maybe I'd better refer to it more often so that I know where it is.

Have emailed the seller to ask (nicely) for a cancellation.

(....crawls back under his stone....)

[Andrew Br]

I put my bib shorts on back-to-front yesterday.
"Never mind" I thought, "take one leg out, spin them round and you'll be good to go" ................

[mrcharly-YHT]

I messed up some git/gerrit pushes a couple of weeks back, so rather than cock it up further, asked an expert to sit with me and work through how to fix it.

Expert did so.

Get in to work this morning. Start working. Erm, this other file, that wasn't part of the submissions and changes. It seems to have reverted to a version from 2 months back . . .

I didn't make a backup before getting said expert to enter the majik incantations. My local copy has been overwritten with one from the head. Lost two months of updates. It is the main configuration file. Nobody else has a copy. I wasn't making daily or even weekly personal backups because it was on a server.

Arse

[woollypigs]

OUCH I feel your pain !

[TheLurker]

I messed up some git/gerrit pushes...

*winces*

In less serious news...
When using thinned PVA to affix tissue to balsa, do not, the not bit is important,  put a small pool of cyano on the same bit of yoghurt pot lid that is serving as your PVA glue "pot" and do not, these nots are important, then try to clean your favourite* cut-down 00 glue applying brush in it rather than in the small pot of water that you have set out for that express purpose.

*Well, it was my favourite glue applying brush.

[ElyDave]

I put my bib shorts on back-to-front yesterday.
"Never mind" I thought, "take one leg out, spin them round and you'll be good to go" ................

Ha!  I caught my daughter wearing a shirt inside out on Saturday, at about 7pm!

[Basil]

I put my bib shorts on back-to-front yesterday.
"Never mind" I thought, "take one leg out, spin them round and you'll be good to go" ................

Ha!  I caught my daughter wearing a shirt inside out on Saturday, at about 7pm!

Probably  a young person fashion statement.

[Kim]

I put my bib shorts on back-to-front yesterday.
"Never mind" I thought, "take one leg out, spin them round and you'll be good to go" ................

Ha!  I caught my daughter wearing a shirt inside out on Saturday, at about 7pm!

Probably  a young person fashion statement.

Yep.  Everyone wears their clothes inside-out in 2015.  I saw it in the documentary Back To The Future II

[iddu]

After taking the piss from the SO about backing the car into a post...when getting under cover to do a fill and respray, don't drive into the garage door and crumple the wing

[Tim Hall]

I put my bib shorts on back-to-front yesterday.
"Never mind" I thought, "take one leg out, spin them round and you'll be good to go" ................

Ha!  I caught my daughter wearing a shirt inside out on Saturday, at about 7pm!

Probably  a young person fashion statement.

She might be a professional tennis player.

[andytheflyer]

In less serious news...
When using thinned PVA to affix tissue to balsa, do not, the not bit is important,  put a small pool of cyano on the same bit of yoghurt pot lid that is serving as your PVA glue "pot" and do not, these nots are important, then try to clean your favourite* cut-down 00 glue applying brush in it rather than in the small pot of water that you have set out for that express purpose.

I'd never do that.  No, not ever, never in fact...…………………..

[hellymedic]

I did that online 'heart age' test and was rather disappointed to have a heart age of 55...
... then I remembered that I am 60 now...

[LittleWheelsandBig]

I have a heart age of 54, somewhat older than I am, which was a little disappointing.

[Kim]

Mine was 40, and there didn't seem to be much I could do to reduce it.  Which is at least consistent with the rest of my body.

I had to lie about the family history, though, as there wasn't an 'unknown' option.

[hellymedic]

Give the same answers but supply a random Hampstead postcode and see if that improves things!

[ian]

Surely there should be something about activity and exercise? Those are prime indicators of cardiovascular health (as is socio-economic status). My resting heart rate is about 42, which is half the pace of many people, so I'll live twice as long (and double that because I shop at Waitrose). Fact. I base this on shrews. They have really fast heart rates and don't live very long. Probably. I've never seen an old shrew anyway. In Waitrose. Possibly they go to Lidl.

[Kim]

Give the same answers but supply a random Hampstead postcode and see if that improves things!

No change with Hampstead, Erdington or Gorbals, at which point I got bored.  But maybe that's because I've short-circuited some logic by not smoking etc.

Interestingly losing weight didn't make a jot of difference.

[mrcharly-YHT]

I did the same test. Heart age of 57 (I'm 51).

The high rating was based on my BMI, according to the website (25.1).

Trouble is, I've had a very thorough health check recently, including a body fat measurement by electrodes, which stated I have a body fat level in the healthy range for a 20-year old.

I declare that NHS questionnaire to be utterly bunkum.

[Kim]

I declare that NHS questionnaire to be utterly bunkum.

Nahh, it's just another way of telling people who drink, smoke, eat all the pies and never exercise that maybe they're at risk of heart disease.  Fine as far as it goes, but not a scientific tool.