Mid-Essex Mid-Week Nocturnal Series

[tedshred]

It didn't wash your beard off did it ?

That alone might tempt me out this evening.

[The Retiree]

It didn't wash your beard off did it ?

  I wondered where it had gone when I arrived at the orifice.......

Anyhow I think you may need to look a little closer for those a bit afraid of some water  no commute from home the Crowne Plaza today, fairweather commuter 

[tedshred]

Saving myself for the long ride from Crowne Plaza to the Carpenters, getting up Market Hill and laughing and pointing at your beard.

[The Retiree]

Saving myself for the long ride from Crowne Plaza to the Carpenters, getting up Market Hill and laughing and pointing at your beard.

Before you set off from home on your imaginary fixie just check where the button is to start up your mechanical doping as you approach Market Hill otherwise I fear last orders may have passed by the time you grace us with your presence at the Carpenters!

[tedshred]

You even have imaginary features on your imaginary bike.

Your childlike enthusiasm is a refreshing antidote to the cynicism of the other older members of the group that you and me have to be carers for.

In this respect I point you towards the picture of OD with a traffic cone on his head and a travel blanket over his legs and rest my case there.

[The Retiree]

You even have imaginary features on your imaginary bike.

Your childlike enthusiasm is a refreshing antidote to the cynicism of the other older members of the group that you and me have to be carers for.

In this respect I point you towards the picture of OD with a traffic cone on his head and a travel blanket over his legs and rest my case there.

Fishing is quite a skill Ted and I like to think you and I are pretty good at it     Yes quite a few of the pictures I see of OD are very worrying indeed 

[tippers_kiwi]

Good lord....you two really are back!  I'm waiting for Harry Hill to pop up with his 'only one way to settle this'

I am not likely to be at Spa Road tonight but I will be out I reckon....so will likely see you all in Maldon.

[tedshred]

You can guide me home if I make it 

[tippers_kiwi]

Good Good....I'll make sure I have the drawing pins in my pocket again

[jiberjaber]

What time is ETA at Maldon for tonight with you guys?

[Oscar's dad]

What time is ETA at Maldon for tonight with you guys?

Between 8 and 8:30pm.  Remind me, I have a little something for you.

[jiberjaber]

Hard not to turn up now with that sort of offer!

[Oscar's dad]

Hard not to turn up now with that sort of offer!

You won't be disappointed.

[Oaky]

hmmm.... decisions, decisions... which bike to ride... whether to meet up at spa road or intercept at Kelvedon Rd/Maypole Lane junction...

[tedshred]

Waits for DL's promised 6.15am report, gives up.

DL will need to fill in the exciting bits about meeting at Spa and riding 8 long miles to the new micro pub in Maldon.

I arrived a bit later at the Carpenter's after an epic 10 miler from Crowne Plaza to find a beardless DL, Oaky, Jiberjaber, the Danbury Dogger, AndyQuaffer, Tomsk ,  Tippers and  our beloved leader tucking into Black Fox Porter, various other ales and gin and tonic.

No sooner had i arrived than the kitty kitty purse was handed to me with a list of drinks to buy.  Having done my temporary BB duty (obviously ignoring the g&t order), I was able to sit and join in watching the unfolding power struggle between DL and OD.

Topics ranged from dogging (as ever) to Jiberjaber's fetching matching outfit and accessories via OD's impending poo burying expedition.

The Quaffer's Choice Award went to Anchor Best Bitter.

In a delightful turn of events, Oaky called OD's bluff on his threat to ride the BRT home.  The last that was seen of the intrepid pair was two worried looking people in hi viz checking their stocks of tubes and tyres.  When they make it back to Witham we can all marvel at their tales of adventure in the mud.

Tomsk then delivered one of his quiet but devastating lessons by sprinting off downhill on fixed leaving me (who had been feeling quite pleased with the whole thing) crawling along in his wake squeezing the brake levers for dear life and generally looking like the amateur I clearly am   

Another good autumn turn out on a damp night 

[The Retiree]

In what has now become a reoccuring theme Ted has hogged the limelight by wetting the bed to be up earlier than the birds to write up last nights ride report.....

Myself, OD, Andy C33 and Oaky assembled at Spa Rd awaiting Huggy's arrival who then sent a text through to say an early visitation and I think general laziness to change it would prevent him from setting off with us!

So off we went on the long 8 mile trek up and over Great Braxted to arrive in Maldon, myself and Oaky treating ourselves to a little two man chaingang sweeping up Tippers at the top of Market Hill. Already at The Tap Room were Jen and the Danbury Dogger.

Having entered and ordered some pints of Rocking Horse People Jibber rocked up, closely followed by Tomsk out of the drizzle to join us whereby the brewery and Tap Room owner came over and introduced himself and the conversation ranged from Dogging to OD's epic week long trip next year!

Off we departed at last orders (9pm) to make the short ride walk to The Carpenters where we set about sampling some of their range of ales before Ted arrived having been nudged up Market Hill by a bus..... A prompt inadequate job by Ted of getting the next round in equated to an upset OD missing out on his G&T.....  Luckily The Quaffer saved the day 

Things then went downhill rapidly as OD started abusing poor Oaky who ended up with a faceful of said G&T as well as lemon devil horns, this duly got rid of two different sets of people located on the table behind our group 

As Ted contemplated his long journey back to the Crowne Plaza, no one else took the vote on venturing down the BRT with the voice of reason Tomsk clearly stating 'no' he would be sticking to the roads tonight! (It has been noted via Strava that both OD and Oaky survived the said trip)

Another fantastic entertaining evening I just hope Ted got the hired fixie back ok this morning after being embarrassingly shown up by Tomsk on the departure down Market Hill (best quit whilst your ahead mate  )

[Oscar's dad]

One of the many things I enjoyed about last night was being able to drink beer out of a proper jug ...



Anyhow, I'm not sure getting to the pub at about 8:15 and not leaving until closing time (albeit a different pub) is a sustainable model. I was quite pissed and feel none too chipper this morning.

The BRT was surprisingly dry although that didn't stop me from having a tumble into some long grass. Oaky regaled me to a couple of Flanders and Swan songs to which he knew mostly none of the words!

A top evening as always! 

[Oaky]

The BRT was surprisingly dry although that didn't stop me from having a tumble into some long grass.

Yet despite our prior agreement to reconstruct any offs for photographic evidence, OD still jumped up too quickly for me to get the camera out!

[Christophe]

First day on my new commute to Bardfield while cycling between Terling and Great Leighs spotted a rider ahead who looked suspiciously like Tomsk out for an early morning jaunt.

[delthebike]

I loaded a route, the magenta line, to follow today. Somewhere between converting the kml file to tcx and uploading to my Edge Tour it corrupted and I ended up riding the blue line. They're both anti clockwise but between Crows Lane, on the way to Flambirds, I was told to take a left turn on unpaved road. The unpaved road was a farm track which turned into an extremely muddy public footpath. I had to stop several times to de-mud the wheels and ended up walking the last 1km, forcing my way through a hedge, to get to Hackmans Lane. Once on Hackmans I stopped the route and headed for tea and toast 11ses at White Elms GC.
Riding home from there it felt like I was running tyre wall dynos on both wheels, sounded like it too! Once back home, after the heavy shower and drizzle, I hosed off and re-lubed, did the same to the bike too. 
I had a bloody good time on today's mystery ride! 


ETA: Here's the bike at the bus stop East Hanningfield, sheltering from the shower and some extra de-mudding with a suitable implement.

[Oscar's dad]

For Oaky.  I didn't realise Flanders and SwanN had 2 x "n"

[Tomsk]

First day on my new commute to Bardfield while cycling between Terling and Great Leighs spotted a rider ahead who looked suspiciously like Tomsk out for an early morning jaunt.

Was I out of breath, sweating...? Then it wasn't me  [No, really, it wasn't - I had to take #2 to the orthodontist in Bishops Stortford this morning]

[Oscar's dad]

Let's shake things up a bit!  I have two suggestions ...

Firstly, each week, until we get bored with the following idea or someone comes up with a better one, or apathy drags us back to the status quo (not that the status quo isn't great fun), a member could produce a route that showcases their area and concludes with a visit to their local pub.  One of the benefits being that Chosen One ^TM for the week gets a nice short ride home.  I'm happy to go first this Wednesday if folks like the idea.

Secondly, I know this has been discussed before but shall we have a go on the Olympic Velodrome?.  I'm happy to organise - shouldn't be much of a chore.

What do we think?

[tedshred]

, a member could produce a route that showcases their area and concludes with a visit to their local pub.  One of the benefits being that Chosen One ^TM for the week gets a nice short ride home. 

I thought that was what we were doing, hence the imbalance of coastal rides east of the A12 over the summer 

Does this mean fewer visits to HQ ?

[Oscar's dad]

, a member could produce a route that showcases their area and concludes with a visit to their local pub.  One of the benefits being that Chosen One ^TM for the week gets a nice short ride home. 

I thought that was what we were doing, hence the imbalance of coastal rides east of the A12 over the summer 

Does this mean fewer visits to HQ ?

No, I don't think this is what we are doing!  Or if we are I am blissfully unaware.

Trips to The Compasses could always be inserted into the programme.