Author Topic: Overheard today  (Read 120687 times)

Basil

  • Um....err......oh bugger!
  • Help me!
Overheard today
« on: 10 June, 2008, 11:05:24 pm »
Woman on mobile in the smoking shed at my local (Yes, sorry, I've failed again)

"If she don't come home tonight, I'm not letting her in."

 ???
Admission.  I'm actually not that fussed about cake.

Clare

  • Is in NZ
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #1 on: 11 June, 2008, 11:03:57 am »
That's on a par with my mother's favourite when we were climbing on the garage roof:

"If you fall off and break your legs don't come running to me."

OK then, I won't.

Charlotte

  • Dissolute libertine
  • Here's to ol' D.H. Lawrence...
    • charlottebarnes.co.uk
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #2 on: 11 June, 2008, 11:13:31 am »
(Yes, sorry, I've failed again)

Oh dear.  Tough, innit?

 :(
Commercial, Editorial and PR Photographer - www.charlottebarnes.co.uk

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #3 on: 29 August, 2008, 03:44:41 pm »
Overheard today:

Phone conversation: "Yeah, that's why I need to go back to Afghanistan--go back and make some money."
scottclark.photoshelter.com

gonzo

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #4 on: 29 August, 2008, 05:08:57 pm »
A while back in an engineering computer room;
"My mechanism's smaller than your mechanism so ha!"

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #5 on: 29 August, 2008, 05:26:17 pm »
Woman in WHS looking at road atlases: "This one's five miles to the inch".

Friend, triumphantly: " Ooh, this one's seven miles to the inch!"

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #6 on: 29 August, 2008, 09:41:30 pm »
In a kitchen at an old people's home run by some friends years ago.

"Oooh, it's worse than I thought."

(This from one of the temporary washing up helpers, inspecting a pair of inside out rubber gloves.)

"The hole's on both sides."
Rust never sleeps

andygates

  • Peroxide Viking
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #7 on: 29 August, 2008, 10:04:24 pm »
Bafflingly to clucks of agreement from her twentysomething mallrat girlfriends:

"Boris Johnson never combs his hair and usually acts drunk which is why I want to just cuddle him every day."
It takes blood and guts to be this cool but I'm still just a cliché.
OpenStreetMap UK & IRL Streetmap & Topo: ravenfamily.org/andyg/maps updates weekly.

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #8 on: 30 August, 2008, 03:54:02 pm »
walking through the market this morning, father to 6-ish yr old son:  "No, you cant eat panthers"

Valiant

  • aka Sam
    • Radiance Audio
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #9 on: 30 August, 2008, 06:44:41 pm »
Heard on the 277 bus today "bruv she was like the tardis, I bet shes had bare mans"
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

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Elleigh

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #10 on: 30 August, 2008, 07:30:16 pm »
Last time I was on a bus.

Older Lady to a little girl was was sulking. Hello lovely how old are you? 

After being prodded by her mother to make her answer she replied. 'I'm four'

'Oooh and when are you five' the older lady asked

'When I get off the bus' came the reply

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #11 on: 30 August, 2008, 08:54:20 pm »
4 year-old ned to ned brother/friend who is poking at him, "Dinnae, Dinnae"

Ned mother, "It's no 'dinnae', it's 'gonnae no dae that'"

 ;D

Pedaldog.

  • Heedlessly impulsive, reckless, rash.
  • The Madcap!
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #12 on: 31 August, 2008, 11:34:30 am »
Heard in supermarket queue ysterday.. " Gerr'ere our Leevan and stop mithering yer mother".
You touch my Coffee and I'll slap you so hard, even Google won't be able to find you!

Zoidburg

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #13 on: 31 August, 2008, 06:02:22 pm »
Over heard on the bus

"daddy, whats a black hole?"

I thought "ha ha - get out of that one then smart arse" but the chap did actually mange to explain the principle of a black hole to a 6 year old so he deserves points for that one


Re: Overheard today
« Reply #14 on: 31 August, 2008, 08:13:46 pm »
We were at friends for an afternoon when their son came out with...

"What's a Condom?"

We all kept straight faces as Dad answered..

"It's something that men wear"

"When?"

"Sometimes"

"Are you wearing one now?"


At which point we all lost it!




Elleigh

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #15 on: 02 September, 2008, 03:29:20 pm »
On the train this morning

Bloke to girl: 'Thank God for padded shorts, else I wouldn't be sitting here today, I can tell you.'

I'm hoping he was a cyclist!

spindrift

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #16 on: 02 September, 2008, 03:32:27 pm »
Possibly apocryphal:


"I've been to Evita!"


"You don't look brown".

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #17 on: 02 September, 2008, 03:38:25 pm »
Cycling along the road in Bognor Regis:

'Mummy, they've got lights!' by a small child, in a tone of wonder and amazement...

Wascally Weasel

  • Slayer of Dragons and killer of threads.
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #18 on: 02 September, 2008, 03:47:16 pm »
A favourite from years back, in a pub near Tiverton:

"And I said to him, thank God I'm not a halibut!"

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #19 on: 02 September, 2008, 03:49:05 pm »
On a bus

'And then, if I have another one, I just explode!'
Getting there...

PaulF

  • "World's Scariest Barman"
  • It's only impossible if you stop to think about it
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #20 on: 11 September, 2009, 09:17:31 pm »
In the New York office:

"Tasmania, is that part of Kilimanjaro?"

Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #21 on: 11 September, 2009, 09:46:42 pm »
on a bus
"How's your lad?"
"Oh, he works in defence now."
"Wow!"
"Yes, he makes the crates for missiles."
It is simpler than it looks.

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #22 on: 11 September, 2009, 09:51:39 pm »
A while back I overheard one of the bakers in the supermarket saying he'd been deported from Belgium for biting someone's ear off.

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #23 on: 11 September, 2009, 10:06:01 pm »
2 old ladies in a supermarket, when it was 30 degrees outside:
'It's warm isn't it?'
'Yes, I took my cardigan off!' :o
Quote from: Kim
^ This woman knows what she's talking about.

pdm

  • Sheffield hills? Nah... Just potholes.
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #24 on: 11 September, 2009, 10:59:02 pm »
From someone in my other half's office (in Sheffield):

"Yes, we are a large family - 6 of us. We are all local except for my brother who moved away so we don't see him as often these days..."

"Really, where does he live?"

"Rotherham."

For the geographically challenged: 10 miles away.