Mr Simon Watson from the technical department of Windows

[rusky]

Just saw this... http://www.geek.com/microsoft/guy-tricks-windows-tech-support-scammers-into-installing-ransomware-1665967/

[mrcharly-YHT]

That's lovely.

[Somnolent]

I had 'Yvonne' from Openreach today.
Nice try in view of the recent MBORC declaration from my ISP (Openreach letting them down and declaring MBORC because of weather !)

Strangely she couldn't update me about the progress of the repairs in my area.

[Woofage]

I had someone "from BT" call me yesterday, at work.

fBT: "Can I have the e-mail address of the account holder so I can <blah blah>..."

Me: "You already have that information". <click>

[rogerzilla]

Work colleague had one of these a week or so ago.  He said he was going to check his Windows version, put the phone handset on the desk and left it there for 15 minutes.  Any howling feedback was just a bonus.

[SoreTween]

Just had one of Mr Watson's colleagues on the phone.  If it had got to 5 minutes I'd have lied that I only have linux in the house but he worked out his chances of a successful call in 2 minutes 58 seconds

[TimC]

I had one the other day. Only got his introductory "I'm from Microsoft, about your computer..." out before I told him to FOAD. I'd love to troll these bastards, but I don't have time.

[Jaded]

"Hellothisissophiefromthetecnhicaldepartmentofbt."

Sorry, where are you from again?

"thetecnhicaldepartmentofbthowreyoutoday?"

From where?

"btbritishtelecomthetechnicaldepartmenthowareyoutoday?"

Why would a technical department want to know how I am?

"becasueyouarestupid"

Click Brrr.

[T42]

Wife just recounted one received from friend:

Scammer: We need to talk about your computer.

Friend: Which one do you mean?

- The one you're using.

- Ah. Well sir, you've reached Salford Police HQ Control Centre and there's upwards of 45 to choose from. Can you be more specific?

- <click>

[Jaded]

Just had one.

After the usual flirting he asked me to put my computer on.

"How old is it"
Oh, it is ten years old. Usually I switch it on and go away.
"How's it going..."
Oh, it usually takes 15 mins to start up.
Spluttering. "Really, why are you not using our services? You should be using our services. 15 minutes is not normal"
Oh, I do use your services. When it switches on it says Microsoft, so I'm definitely using your services. 15 minutes is normal, that's how long it takes!
A bit more outrage from him, followed by
"Right, I'll call you back in 10 minutes, is that OK"

 

Only made it to 4:45 call length, not a record.

[Wowbagger]

*Phone rings*
Phyllis: Hello?
*Strong Indian accent*: Good morning. This is Alex from Technical Support. We have reports that your computer is infected with a virus
*Phyllis hands phone to me*
Me: Hello?
"Alex": Hello. My name is Alex and I am a certified Microsoft engineer. We have reports that your computer is infected with a virus. Are you at your computer now?
Me (quickly searching Google Images on my phone): Yes
"Alex": Could you look at the bottom left of your keyboard? To the right of the Ctrl key, what do you see?
Me: Err... Caps Lock
"Alex": No, to the right of Ctrl.
Me: Yes, Ctrl is on the third line and to the right of that is the Caps Lock key.
"Alex": Oh. One moment please, I need to put you on hold and talk to my supervisor.
*Hold music*
*Second Indian*: Hello. This is Peter. I am the supervisor. Could you tell me what key is to the right of Ctrl?
Me: Yes, Caps Lock.
"Peter": No, in the bottom left of your keyboard.
Me: The bottom left key is Alt. Ctrl is on the third line above Shift.
"Peter": Oh, um. Is the computer you are using a Windows computer?
Me: No, it's an Amiga 500.
*click*
Electronic Lady: The other person has cleared.

[madcow]

I kept the guy talking for over 15 minutes today. When I told him that my screen had gone blank for the third time after following his instructions to press the windows key and R at the same time , he told me that I was suffering from Oedipus complex (or something similar to do with my mother ) and hung up.
Most strange behaviour from such a nice educated gentleman.

[Mr Larrington]

Four Simon Watsons arrested after two year inquiry by police and Microsith

[SteveC]

  indeed

[Ham]

Project Mayhem is fighting back

https://www.patreon.com/ProjectMayhem

[Phil W]

Project Mayhem is fighting back

https://www.patreon.com/ProjectMayhem

That's great

[Bledlow]

I had two calls in a day, from different Indian young ladies working for Computer Technical Department.

I'm afraid that I expressed doubt about the credentials of one of them, due to the similarity of her employer's name to that used by some operators of a well-known disreputable enterprise. She got rather heated, & eventually I found her insistence that she & her firm were entirely honest & nothing to do with any scammers a little overblown, so hung up.

[Salvatore]

This week, a telephone scammer makes a terrible mistake. He calls Alex Goldman.

A journalist investigates scammers, and has some fun. Some unexpected turns.

Worth a listen (50 mins)

https://gimletmedia.com/episode/long-distance/

This is only part 1. I'm intrigued as to what part 2 will reveal.

[Mr Larrington]

Just told “Amy” from “Microsoft” to fuck off after pretending to roar with larrfter for approximately 35 seconds.  Sometimes I crack me up

[hatler]

I managed to spend 20 minutes with one of these low-lifes the other day.

I'm delighted to report that at the end of the exchange she accused me rather angrily of 'wasting her time'.

Splendid.

[robgul]

I now ask if we can cut to the chase to save time and I'll give them my bank details right now . . . usually works.   The other thing I do is say "Just hang a couple of minutes and I'll be with you" . . . and just leave the phone off the hook.

However, I suppose there must be people that fall for this otherwise they wouldn't do it . . . . although the "big money" from Nigeria stuff seems to have disappeared?

[DaveReading]

I managed to spend 20 minutes with one of these low-lifes the other day.

I'm delighted to report that at the end of the exchange she accused me rather angrily of 'wasting her time'.

Splendid.

That's pathetic.

You'll find that, with practice, you can keep them on the line for up to an hour.   

[hatler]

I managed to spend 20 minutes with one of these low-lifes the other day.

I'm delighted to report that at the end of the exchange she accused me rather angrily of 'wasting her time'.

Splendid.

That's pathetic.

You'll find that, with practice, you can keep them on the line for up to an hour.   

   I promise to do better next time.

[TheLurker]

The other thing I do is say "Just hang a couple of minutes and I'll be with you" . . . and ...

... select one of the evening Ragas on my tablet, set it playing and then place the handset so it can be heard easily while I get on with something more important. 

[Wowbagger]

"Dear Customer, There is an order of Apple iPad from your Amazon account..."

No there fucking isn't, you lying git.

And is it deliberate policy that these scammers have employed a reassuringly deep-brown baritone Welsh-accented voice for these recorded falsehoods, or has John Humphrys moved seamlessly from one career to another?