a restaurant review I enjoyed

[Cudzoziemiec]

They served it on a slate.

Presume you've seen this:
http://wewantplates.com/

Yeah, I know about that. And compared to some of the things there (a dog bowl? an ashtray?  ), a slate is really pretty innocuous. But I also reckon that if what started as a hipster trend has reached Tetbury, it cannot be cool any longer. If it ever was. Mind you, Tetbury, where Horse & Hound and The Field serve the role of Gumtree and Craigslist, also has a – retail outlet – that sells both £xk road bikes and fancy coffees, so it looks like Mamildom's time is nearing its end.

[ian]

Don't mock. Raw fish is wrong. Someone has to make a stand.

And we all know the true epitome of culinary satisfaction is the crisp sandwich. Just not prawn cocktail because they're a bit weird.

[rafletcher]

The spherification comment reminded me of my childhood, and popping the little spherical capsules of cod liver oil I was given.

[The French Tandem]

This is probably the first time a british restaurant review makes its way through a french newspaper:

http://www.lemonde.fr/big-browser/article/2017/04/11/quand-un-critique-culinaire-du-guardian-se-paye-le-grand-restaurant-du-georges-v_5109712_4832693.html

Ce n’est pas de la critique culinaire, c’est du divertissement qui va très loin dans l’humour et dans l’outrance. C’est clairement du rich bashing et la revanche des Anglais sur des Français mangeurs de grenouilles. Ce sont des clichés aux dépends d’un grand chef. Tout ça pour faire du buzz et exister médiatiquement. »

"This is not a restaurant review, this is just an overly humorous and outrageous entertainment" . The frenchs are sooo much certain they do the best cooking in the world. Anyone who dares to criticize a french restaurant is necessarily a vile ignorant

[Jaded]

They served it on a slate.

Presume you've seen this:
http://wewantplates.com/

Yeah, I know about that. And compared to some of the things there (a dog bowl? an ashtray?  ), a slate is really pretty innocuous. But I also reckon that if what started as a hipster trend has reached Tetbury, it cannot be cool any longer. If it ever was. Mind you, Tetbury, where Horse & Hound and The Field serve the role of Gumtree and Craigslist, also has a – retail outlet – that sells both £xk road bikes and fancy coffees, so it looks like Mamildom's time is nearing its end.

Is that the Gumtree at Calcot?

As for slate in Tetbury, that's just outrageous. It should have been a rugged, beautiful piece of Cotswold tile.

[citoyen]

Ce n’est pas de la critique culinaire, c’est du divertissement qui va très loin dans l’humour et dans l’outrance. C’est clairement du rich bashing et la revanche des Anglais sur des Français mangeurs de grenouilles. Ce sont des clichés aux dépends d’un grand chef. Tout ça pour faire du buzz et exister médiatiquement. »

"This is not a restaurant review, this is just an overly humorous and outrageous entertainment" . The frenchs are sooo much certain they do the best cooking in the world. Anyone who dares to criticize a french restaurant is necessarily a vile ignorant
[/quote]

Most excellent. Seems that Rayner has hit his target - Le Squer is properly riled. 

[Oscar's dad]

Paying serious amounts of money for a meal can be value for money.  If an expensive restaurant is spot on what you get is an experience that features food and drink - its not just a meal. 

When we ate at Le Manoir aux Quat'Saisons I tried to work out what the basic ingredients were of the dishes we had.  With the exception of some posh chicken from France most of the ingredients could be bought in Tesco - but how they made them taste the way they did is nothing short of miraculous - I don't mind paying for that.

Then there's the service.  At the Savoy Grill we sat close to a young couple who clearly didn't know a thing about wine (not that I do but The Current Mrs R has a fair idea) and were obviously finding the wine list somewhat terrifying.  Yet the sommelier took a huge amount of trouble helping them out but not in a condescending way, he really made their evening.  Also that evening there was a large family group of about three generations.  The kids were getting bored and increasingly noisy, rather than chuck them out the maître d' took the whole table off for a tour of the kitchen!

We had lunch at Le Gavroche (their lunch time menu really is value for money) and again the service was epic.  The joint head waiter (a role she shared with her twin sister) apologised for the noise another table was making - it was Tom Kerridge and a bunch of his mates whom she described as "naughty boys" with a grin.

We like food like other people like fine art or race horses.  For us the great thing is that we can save up and go eat top notch grub and more importantly have experiences that we will remember forever.  But no matter how much we save we could never buy a Monet or a Derby winning racehorse. 

Like others up thread we hate it when a supposedly posh and expensive restaurant doesn't deliver.  We complain bitterly and get money knocked off the bill, and then write Tripadvisor reviews which are truthful but don't pull punches.

[Cudzoziemiec]

They served it on a slate.

Presume you've seen this:
http://wewantplates.com/

Yeah, I know about that. And compared to some of the things there (a dog bowl? an ashtray?  ), a slate is really pretty innocuous. But I also reckon that if what started as a hipster trend has reached Tetbury, it cannot be cool any longer. If it ever was. Mind you, Tetbury, where Horse & Hound and The Field serve the role of Gumtree and Craigslist, also has a – retail outlet – that sells both £xk road bikes and fancy coffees, so it looks like Mamildom's time is nearing its end.

Is that the Gumtree at Calcot?

As for slate in Tetbury, that's just outrageous. It should have been a rugged, beautiful piece of Cotswold tile.

You could donate them part of your old chimney. 

[Jaded]

Ha! Yes - it could be used in place of 'soil'!

[mrcharly-YHT]

I've had a wine water (in a not expensive restaurant) light-heartedly chide me for ordering a bottle of french wine instead of trying the (much cheaper) local house wine; he brought a glass of the house wine over and it was really nice so, yeah, listen to the wine waiter.

[ian]

Ha! Yes - it could be used in place of 'soil'!

Reminds me of this. It really did taste like soil.

Yesterday's lunch of disappointment was skewered and grilled ennui on a deathbed of buckwheat kasha. I should know better. It was like shoveling soil from my own grave into my mouth. There was an arterial splash of vibrant red sauce on the side that promised to taste of something but tasted like precisely titrated nothing. It was all served on a plate at least.

[Jaded]

I've had a wine water (in a not expensive restaurant) light-heartedly chide me for ordering a bottle of french wine instead of trying the (much cheaper) local house wine; he brought a glass of the house wine over and it was really nice so, yeah, listen to the wine waiter.

Jesus...

[Cudzoziemiec]

Calling it "kasha" is slightly poncey. It's not like there's no English equivalent; grains or cereal for a start. I suppose you could say the same of baguette though.

[Exit Stage Left]

I read some of his other reviews. He liked the White Swan in Fence, which isn't far from me. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/feb/22/white-swan-restaurant-review-jay-rayner

As with Haworth, there may be lots of modern French technique in Parker’s cooking, but there’s also a place for the great local delicacies: his daily changing menus, at £20 for two courses and £25 for three, feature feverish outbreaks of tripe and ham hock, bone marrow and cheese curds, damsons and Yorkshire rhubarb from just over the way. It doesn’t feel ideological. Parker is not trying to make a point. He’s just cooking with the good stuff, and being thrifty. So among the bar snacks are crisped potato skins because he scoops out the insides for his outrageous mash. A little more evolved, but only just, is a dish of tiny plum tomatoes, skinned and bobbing about in a warm sweet-sour broth, heavy with cracked black pepper. Like all the best ideas it’s eminently stealable.

That's more my style, serving Timothy Taylors, and  three courses for £25. The chef came from the brigade at a nearby Michelin starred place in the Ribble Valley. I might give it a go.

[ian]

Calling it "kasha" is slightly poncey. It's not like there's no English equivalent; grains or cereal for a start. I suppose you could say the same of baguette though.

I think I mentioned that I should have stopped at the point I read kasha. I've never eaten buckwheat (except in pancakes and bread) so who knows, maybe it just tastes like soil. It's not a grain though, that's a big lie. It's not even a grass. It's related to rhubarb and sorrel. But anyway, it was just a pile of dull, loamy stodge with some overcooked chicken on top.

[Cudzoziemiec]

It might not be botanically a grain but its consistency is grainy. A bit like loam, maybe. I've eaten loads of buckwheat and as a plain grain, it is simply plain. It's good in pierogi (sort of stuffed pasta) and buckwheat flour makes good pancakes.

[ian]

You can take the boy out of the botanist but not the botanist out of the boy. Gotta use that BSc (Hons) somewhere.

Anyway, it was still like shoveling dirt from my own grave into my mouth. Not a desirable experienc and why I don't get much opportunity to write restaurant menus. I mean who would go for an 'ennui of distantly expired chicken laid out on a deathbed of buckwheat kasha with a long congealed arterial spurt of harissa to the side.' It probably sounds better in French. Actually, anything I say in French sounds worse. I still pity our French teacher. Sacré dieu! Who chooses to teach French in the East Midlands. That's like hell for a French teacher.

Anyway, this is just a break from my anti-raw fish tirade, because I know Citoyen gets annoyed by my fish schtick.

Tough crowd.

[mrcharly-YHT]

I've had a wine water (in a not expensive restaurant) light-heartedly chide me for ordering a bottle of french wine instead of trying the (much cheaper) local house wine; he brought a glass of the house wine over and it was really nice so, yeah, listen to the wine waiter.

Jesus...

The 'not expensive' restaurant was the most expensive, supposedly best place in the city - not in this country. Don't judge. The surprise was the quality of the local wine, I didn't even know Bosnia produced wine. It was the equal of anything I've drunk in France.

[citoyen]

Anyway, this is just a break from my anti-raw fish tirade, because I know Citoyen gets annoyed by my fish schtick.

It's more pity than annoyance.

[Pingu]

I've had a wine water (in a not expensive restaurant) light-heartedly chide me for ordering a bottle of french wine instead of trying the (much cheaper) local house wine; he brought a glass of the house wine over and it was really nice so, yeah, listen to the wine waiter.

Jesus...

The 'not expensive' restaurant was the most expensive, supposedly best place in the city - not in this country. Don't judge. The surprise was the quality of the local wine, I didn't even know Bosnia produced wine. It was the equal of anything I've drunk in France.

Read the first few words of your post again Mr C 

[citoyen]

The surprise was the quality of the local wine, I didn't even know Bosnia produced wine. It was the equal of anything I've drunk in France.

We had the seven-course tasting menu at an upmarket/pretentious restaurant in Prague last year and opted for the suggested wine pairings - a different wine with each course, mostly of Czech origin (one was Hungarian, iirc), and all much better than I was expecting. I've had considerably worse wines in France!

Price-wise, the meal was very expensive by Czech standards but upper end of middling by London standards (although it would probably have cost at least twice as much in London). Not all the dishes were hits, but the best of them were sublime. The meal was also embellished by numerous appetisers and between-course treats, some of which were served on arrangements of rocks, chunks of wood etc.

It was a most excellent meal, worth every penny, and a splendid evening out.

[hellymedic]

I thought buckwheat and kasha were synonyms.
I thought this was like bulgur - earthy-crunchy wholegrain boring filler, that could be flavoured and mixed with anything and everything.
But I'm neither botanist nor true foodie...

[The French Tandem]

I thought buckwheat and kasha were synonyms.

They were for me too, but for my russian sister-in-law, buckwheat is the plant, while kasha is a sort of porridge made by boiling buckwheat into milk.

[Cudzoziemiec]

Buckwheat is one of many types of kasha. But looking at French Tandem's post, there's probably a difference in meaning between Russian kasha and Polish kasza. So, buckwheat is one of many types of kasza.

Anyway, I'm going to start a place selling buckwheat sushi. Just for ian. It'll be in Boxpark.

[mrcharly-YHT]

I've had a wine water (in a not expensive restaurant) light-heartedly chide me for ordering a bottle of french wine instead of trying the (much cheaper) local house wine; he brought a glass of the house wine over and it was really nice so, yeah, listen to the wine waiter.

Jesus...

The 'not expensive' restaurant was the most expensive, supposedly best place in the city - not in this country. Don't judge. The surprise was the quality of the local wine, I didn't even know Bosnia produced wine. It was the equal of anything I've drunk in France.

Read the first few words of your post again Mr C 

I don't think Jaded was getting upset at my phone auto-completing and inserting 'water' instead of 'waiter' without me knowing. I think he just didn't like the utter bourgeois notion of drinking house wine under recommendation as being a 'quality' decision. Such a low-class thing to be doing. However normally I swig cans of stella or special brew that I've brought in a carrier bag.