Random advert nonsense phrases

[mrcharly-YHT]

Skincare inspired lube formulated specifically for the Front.

'for the front'. Is this some sort of sex lube? Why is it appearing on my facebook feed?

[ian]

Not a nonsense phrase as such, but I got spam yesterday for an EXTENDER which came with an anatomical picture. I thought it was the usual until I came across the phrase 'drug-eluting balloon dilation catheter designed for percutaneous transluminal angioplasty.' At which point I looked at the picture again and realised it was an elongated balloon stuffed inside an artery and not a penis taking a journey up the lady tunnel.

Apparently, if you want to 'maximize lumen gain' choose EXTENDER.

I'm also not sure I want a sales rep to give me a free demonstration. It sounds like it might be messy.

We've all been on the internet too long, even medical device manufacturers.

[Mr Larrington]

The blurb surrounding the various shitverts for puzzle games frequently assert that “neuroscientists are BEGGING people to play this game” because it wards off Alzheimer's in much the same way as a cross wards off a vampire*.  Sadly there is no mechanism by which one can slap [citation needed] on the wretched things.

* Unless they're Jewish.  It was in a documentary movie.  I presume the same applies to Muslim, Hindu, Sikh and Buddhist vampires.

[hulver]

"Plant Based" seems to be the latest buzz-word being stuck on anything that doesn't have any animal in it.

I had some "plant based" humous the other day. What a novelty.

[Peter]

Skincare inspired lube formulated specifically for the Front.

'for the front'. Is this some sort of sex lube? Why is it appearing on my facebook feed?

They may have missed out the word "derailleur"?  I don't think it'll be "disc" - but you never know!

[Kim]

Toyota certainly deserve some kind of award for describing petril cars as "self-charging".

[perpetual dan]

There’s a Renault advert on the anbaric distascope where raw meat is procured from a charcuterie, which I find quite upsetting.

[woollypigs]

"Serves 2"

[Mr Larrington]

“Fun-Size”

What’s “fun”about less CHOKLIT, fools?

[Kim]

"Velvetising"  (I skip the skip-ad before finding out what that means.)

[Polar Bear]

" ... Don't skip this ... " or " ... you don't want to miss this ... ".

I am grateful to the quack ad industry for having such simple minds that they think that I/we might be so easily manipulated.

[Mr Larrington]

“Taking X by storm”

Is your shitty product the Formidable German Army circa 1940?  No.  No, it is not.  So it is not taking the Internet/BRITAIN/wherever your ISP has a connection to the web by storm.  Is it.

[Jaded]

" ... Don't skip this ... " or " ... you don't want to miss this ... ".

I am grateful to the quack ad industry for having such simple minds that they think that I/we might be so easily manipulated.

Hopefully you have removed all your earwax and now have your funeral sorted by non-charlatans?

[mrcharly-YHT]

"Scientists are astonished by this . . . . "

FFS

[mrcharly-YHT]

Interactive dining experience

(reading deeper, this is marketing speeek for "We need to fill all tables to make money, so although you can making a booking for two, you'll be sat at random on a table with two strangers")

[citoyen]

"Barista-style" coffee.

What, it tastes as if it has been made by a poorly paid teenager who wouldn't know a decent cup of coffee from a muddy puddle?

[Basil]

'Hand Cooked'

I saw a programme some time back about a crisp factory.  Not the Greg Wossname series of programmes,  it was some time ago.
Anyway, the machines were huge shiny automatic things.  At one point the crisps entered a huge vat of boiling oil.  A chap wandered over with a large wooden paddle and gave a couple of desultory unenthusiastic stirs.  If it weren't for the cameras I guess he'd have been even less interested.

It seems that this action is enough for the crisps to be labelled 'Hand Cooked'

[Kim]

I note the BBC was reporting on Ukranians making Molotov cocktails by hand the other day.  Because being burned utterly to DETH by artisanal petril bombs is a much more authentic experience than you get with those boring factory-made ones...

[Basil]

 
I wonder if they tried the cheap Chinese rip off Molotov cocktails on Amazon.

[Kim]

I wonder if they tried the cheap Chinese rip off Molotov cocktails on Amazon.

★★★★★ Fab selection of colours.

★★☆☆☆ Really hard to light.

★★★☆☆ Instructions unclear.  Scorched my eyebrows off and now I'm in the Bristol Post.

★☆☆☆☆ Had to provide my own petrol.  Did not destroy tank.

☆☆☆☆☆ Saw the review on BigClive's channel, but now they're out of stock everywhere :(

★★★★☆ Ended up in hospital with uncontrollable vomiting after the first three.  Great night out!  Would buy again.

[Feanor]

Sourdough.
What to they actually mean by that, when applied to bread?

Almost every commercial 'sourdough' I have ever tasted is a hybrid, with a whiff of levain and a portion of commercial yeast.
Is there any rule about what percentage of actual levain starter needs to be used before it can be labeled sourdough?
Some products seem to have had no more than a cursory whiff of the stuff.

I became aware of this when I started giving away my bread, which is 100% levain-based, a true sourdough.
I got some feedback that it was a bit 'tangier' than they were used to.
This was mostly not a complaint, just an observation.
But I've had to revert to a hybrid mix for a couple of people.

[Pickled Onion]

'Hand Cooked'

I saw a programme some time back about a crisp factory.  Not the Greg Wossname series of programmes,  it was some time ago.
Anyway, the machines were huge shiny automatic things.  At one point the crisps entered a huge vat of boiling oil.  A chap wandered over with a large wooden paddle and gave a couple of desultory unenthusiastic stirs.  If it weren't for the cameras I guess he'd have been even less interested.

It seems that this action is enough for the crisps to be labelled 'Hand Cooked'

Similarly, whacking a Brake Bros 50p frozen ready meal in the microwave and then putting a slice of tomato on top legally entitles a pub to advertise "Home made food, prepared using fresh ingredients".

[Polar Bear]

" ... Don't skip this ... " or " ... you don't want to miss this ... ".

I am grateful to the quack ad industry for having such simple minds that they think that I/we might be so easily manipulated.

Hopefully you have removed all your earwax and now have your funeral sorted by non-charlatans?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Mr Larrington]

I wonder if they tried the cheap Chinese rip off Molotov cocktails on Amazon.

★★★★★ Fab selection of colours.

★★☆☆☆ Really hard to light.

★★★☆☆ Instructions unclear.  Scorched my eyebrows off and now I'm in the Bristol Post.

★☆☆☆☆ Had to provide my own petrol.  Did not destroy tank.

☆☆☆☆☆ Saw the review on BigClive's channel, but now they're out of stock everywhere :(

★★★★☆ Ended up in hospital with uncontrollable vomiting after the first three.  Great night out!  Would buy again.

LOL and, moreover, roffle!

[Basil]

I wonder if they tried the cheap Chinese rip off Molotov cocktails on Amazon.

★★★★★ Fab selection of colours.

★★☆☆☆ Really hard to light.

★★★☆☆ Instructions unclear.  Scorched my eyebrows off and now I'm in the Bristol Post.

★☆☆☆☆ Had to provide my own petrol.  Did not destroy tank.

☆☆☆☆☆ Saw the review on BigClive's channel, but now they're out of stock everywhere :(

★★★★☆ Ended up in hospital with uncontrollable vomiting after the first three.  Great night out!  Would buy again.

Fantastic  Kim.  You're on form tonight, matey.