Author Topic: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances (Read 124034 times)

Arch · « **Reply #100 on:** 29 December, 2012, 09:47:32 am »

Oli (5) and I were putting together a jigsaw type puzzle from a cracker - a dinosaur in 5 interlocking segments.

I picked up an end piece and said "Here, this is the head, isn't it". It looked like the head of the Loch Ness monster in That Photo.

"No", said Oli, "that's the tail".

"No, I think that's the head, and look, that's the tail end".

"No, I'm the expert, you don't know anything about dinosaurs"

And you know what?

He was right. It was a Stegosaurus, and the long bit with the bumpy end was the tail, and the piece with the shorter pointy protrusion was the head end.

He knew this for two reasons. 1) He is indeed expert on dinosaurs and 2) He had the piece of paper that came with the puzzle with the key on it, that I didn't realise existed.

a lower gear · « **Reply #101 on:** 29 December, 2012, 02:27:52 pm »

Reminds me of a rather good cartoon: two white-coated men on stepladders, at each end of a part-assembled stegosaur-type skeleton, each holding a skull. One saying "I'm the head of department and I say the head goes this end!"

Arch · « **Reply #102 on:** 30 December, 2012, 10:34:34 am »

Of course, he's not quite as expert as he thinks.

He got from his Grandma, a sort of torch that projects space related pictures on the wall, from round slides that fit in the front. On seeing that well used photo of a NASA astronaut doing an untethered spacewalk, he shouted "It's Neil Armstrong!"

I didn't correct him.

clarion · « **Reply #103 on:** 30 December, 2012, 05:47:32 pm »

Yup. Even a young child should know it's Lance

perpetual dan · « **Reply #104 on:** 31 December, 2012, 02:15:13 pm »

I bet granny Louise doesn't do cartwheels any more.

(Granny Louise is 104.)

Lightkeeper · « **Reply #105 on:** 19 January, 2013, 11:36:58 am »

Quote from: hellymedic on 21 December, 2012, 06:50:28 pm

Nativity play 'fail'

Joseph: My Mary needs a room; we're tired and her baby is coming.
Innkeeper of alternative background: Come in! Would you like a drink? Food?

Half-remembered anecdote.

In the version I heard of this one, the Innkeeper had failed the audition for the part of Joseph. Revenge was sweet.

perpetual dan · « **Reply #106 on:** 27 January, 2013, 08:20:31 pm »

Miss Dan the Younger* - Mummy's mostly in charge. You're too cheeky to be in charge.

* perceptive this one

Arch · « **Reply #107 on:** 31 January, 2013, 09:13:10 pm »

Not sure if this is sensible or befuddling...

My sister was out with Oli (5) and Max (2). They went to a local cafe they frequent, and Oli decided he wanted hot chocolate. Specifically, a large hot chocolate. Sis knew he'd never finish a large one, and was trying to persuade him to just have a small one. The waiter, who knows them, 'helped' by telling Oli that a small one was better than a large one, because if he had a small one, he could have marshmallows on it.

Oli apparently sighed and said. "Well, this is all very disappointing".

The small hot chocolate, with marshmallows, was duly brought. Oli looked at it, indicated the topping and asked "Did I order these?"

I think a boy can be too precocious!

Wowbagger · « **Reply #108 on:** 03 February, 2013, 06:32:40 pm »

It's probably a bit unfair of me to put this on here, but I've had a very nice email from my youngest, who is currently in Washington DC representing Cancer Research UK at a conference. From what I can gather the conference actually starts on Monday so she has the weekend to recover from jetlag and see the sights.

I particularly liked this bit:

Quote

I got lost on the way to the bookshop (went the wrong way down one of the numbered streets - which are not v imaginative, but very helpful) and accidently bumped into the White House. I just didn't think that would be possible but it was a nice surprise. There are also surprisingly few people around.

In the afternoon, I walked along the Mall in a fairly haphazard way, from the White House up to the Capitol building and then down to the Lincoln Memorial. Sadly, the Supreme Court is having a facelift and I couldn't see it. It would have been pretty amazing to see the place that lots of my American politics bit of my a level came from, e.g. Roe v Wade. But I was there and I suppose most of the rest of it also counts in that regard. The architecture here is stunning. One of the great things about the city is all the free museums. The Smithsonian Instititution has loads of museums that you can just wander around - lots of them located along the Mall. Today I went to the National Botanic Garden, the Air and Space museum and the National Gallery and they were all brilliant. I really didn't have enough time for the latter (spent about 1hr15 in there before it closed) - I might pop back if I get half a chance. I didn't realise what amazing pictures they have in there - Monet's Japanese bridge, lots of beautiful Renoirs (turns out I like him quite a lot - most of the pictures that grabbed me were his) some Van Gogh's I recognised and lots more besides. As I came up to the war memorials, it started snowing which made it pretty atmospheric. It got pretty heavy pretty quickly and I couldn't see the Washington Monument through the blizzard for a bit. I got some groceries and something pretending to be a cup of tea at a 7-eleven just now and feel very American. I might even order some room service on Tuesday.

Tomorrow, I think I shall go to the free zoo, possibly the natural history museum and the 'castle'. I got in touch with the American Cancer Society before coming out here. They've organised a meal tomorrow night with someone from Brazil. A woman from Breakthrough Breast Cancer is also coming along so at least there will be a British ally! It'll be handy actually as I'll have met some people before I go to the conference on Monday. It'll be nice to have a chance to chat to people, but it is surprisingly easy to get used to your own company, tables for 1 etc. Having never been abroad alone before, I quite like the freedom of getting up/going out/doing whatever I fancy whenever I want.

Eccentrica Gallumbits · « **Reply #109 on:** 10 February, 2013, 04:40:33 pm »

"Kirsten have you been to Spain? It's got two pools and a beach."

"Kirsten, I like making cakes with you. I'm having fun."

"Kirsten, I'm a bit bored now."

RJ · « **Reply #110 on:** 11 February, 2013, 08:25:30 pm »

"I've invented this tune in double-drop-D." He's 9.

Arch · « **Reply #111 on:** 14 February, 2013, 09:18:36 pm »

I'm so proud. Oli was asked to choose a hero to talk about in a small group at school. He chose David Attenborough!

His talk was so good, they got him to do it to the whole class, and he got a gold star in assembly the next day.

Apparently the facts he came up with (researched at home, helped by Mum) were that Sir David used to live near where Grandma lives, went to the same school as Mummy (well, it was a boys school when he went, and a sixth form when my sister was there), and his brother is an actor and director. And that while Steve Backshaw (who does the Deadly 60 programme Oli loves) has only been doing telly for 5 or 6 years, Sir David has been doing it for 60...

I don't remember having to do presentations at 5!

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #112 on:** 16 February, 2013, 03:37:19 pm »

I think this belongs both here and in the "befuddling" thread:

"Is that a Jaguar?" (points to a Peugeot)
"No, it's a Peugeot."
"Oh, a Pea Goat!"

CrinklyLion · « **Reply #113 on:** 19 February, 2013, 09:04:16 pm »

As we were walking up from the Quayside in Newcastle this morning, a propos of nothing...

EldestCub: "Muuuummmm....."
CL: "Yeeeeeessss......"
EC "Why do people say it's all downhill from here?"
CL: "Er?"
EC: "Cos it's not on a bike...."
*emergency parenting psychic power boost applied to interpret this whilst going uphill with no bikes*
CL: "You mean they say it like it's a bad thing?"
EC: "Yes. But the downhill bit is the good bit when you're on your bike. Especially if you want to get somewhere fast."

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #114 on:** 19 February, 2013, 09:09:53 pm »

It's because they know they're going to miss the view once they get to the bottom. Isn't it?

Kim · « **Reply #115 on:** 19 February, 2013, 09:14:33 pm »

I thought it was because someone listened to That Deano...

PaulF · « **Reply #116 on:** 20 February, 2013, 06:10:55 am »

"what gear would Bradley Wiggins use on this hill?"

Wowbagger · « **Reply #117 on:** 21 February, 2013, 04:02:22 pm »

"Martha, you're not allowed to say 'wedgie' at nursery."

cuddy duck · « **Reply #118 on:** 21 February, 2013, 07:38:10 pm »

This is a great thread. Your spawn are all, like, so amazing!

mmmmartin · « **Reply #119 on:** 21 February, 2013, 08:20:50 pm »

my daughter is a nanny. walking with child, she spots an absolutely beautiful vintage convertible Bentley, obviously someone's pride and joy. The roof is down. When attention is drawn to the car, young child says; "But it's broken."

Wowbagger · « **Reply #120 on:** 07 March, 2013, 08:39:59 pm »

From Martha:-

"Mummy! It's on the wall!"

"What is?"

"Pen juice!"

To quote my daughter, "No group has yet come forward to claim responsibility for this."

Arch · « **Reply #121 on:** 07 March, 2013, 09:39:05 pm »

Quote from: Wowbagger on 07 March, 2013, 08:39:59 pm

From Martha:-

"Mummy! It's on the wall!"

"What is?"

"Pen juice!"

To quote my daughter, "No group has yet come forward to claim responsibility for this."

Apparently, at the moment, when Oli (5, cerebral) and Max (3, rumbustious) are left alone, there will often eventually be Noises Off, followed by Max coming out to say "Oli hit me!". The usual response is "Why?" to which he replies "I hit him!"

I feel I should be able to bond with Oli over this. I was a quiet elder sibling who liked reading, presented with a younger sister much more boisterous than I was. I never understood why she didn't just sit and look at a book like I wanted to.

Eccentrica Gallumbits · « **Reply #122 on:** 08 March, 2013, 01:27:57 pm »

Ha. That reminds me of my godmother's oldest son, aged about three, complaining "mummy, Rupert bit me." (Rupert was his granny's very placid dog). "What? Why? Why did Rupert bite you?" "I poked him in the eye with my He-Man sword."

Paul · « **Reply #123 on:** 08 March, 2013, 11:44:26 pm »

Quote from: Arch on 07 March, 2013, 09:39:05 pm

Apparently, at the moment, when Oli (5, cerebral) and Max (3, rumbustious) are left alone, there will often eventually be Noises Off, followed by Max coming out to say "Oli hit me!". The usual response is "Why?" to which he replies "I hit him!"

I feel I should be able to bond with Oli over this. I was a quiet elder sibling who liked reading, presented with a younger sister much more boisterous than I was. I never understood why she didn't just sit and look at a book like I wanted to.

Quote from: Eccentrica Gallumbits on 08 March, 2013, 01:27:57 pm

Ha. That reminds me of my godmother's oldest son, aged about three, complaining "mummy, Rupert bit me." (Rupert was his granny's very placid dog). "What? Why? Why did Rupert bite you?" "I poked him in the eye with my He-Man sword."

I have two of these too. Louis (6.33) and Dylan (3.75). The roles are interchangeable but the sophistication of the defence varies. Louis will (in the absence of a proximate provocation rely on spent offences to justify his assault, whereas Dylan can embellish (or, frankly, make up) provocations.

It's often impossible to determine the first strike.

Arch · « **Reply #124 on:** 13 March, 2013, 10:17:22 pm »

As in previous years, frogs are congregating under my sister's dining room window, for the purposes of having orgies. Sis looked out, saw what was going on and exclaimed "Oh, for goodness sake!". Whereupon Oli (5) came to look, and then dashed off to get his camera.

Apparently, he's going to tell his teacher all about it.

There's a conversation I'd like to hear.