The computing stuff rant thread

[mcshroom]

It's the mail server version of a runaway nuclear chain reaction. Surprised it didn't reach criticality and blow the server up.

Yes people are that stupid.

[ian]

It's still happening. People still hitting reply-all despite all pleas to stop. I think the world is doomed. I'm currently seeing 296 responses to that single miscreant email.

[Mr Larrington]

Are you senior enough to have the miscreant publicly executed, pour encourager les autres?

[ian]

Someone in Hyderabad and to be fair, he did beg everyone to stop and told them that it was honest mistake and to ignore it. He has cruelly underestimated the forces of stupidity aligned against him.

Even my own boss joined in. They're still coming in now, the next tier seems to be people asking for an explanation à la 'I don't understand, could you explain what I need to do...'

Stop fucking well pressing REPLY ALL would be a start.

[Mr Larrington]

Stop fucking well pressing REPLY ALL would be a start.

Soon there will be an Official Missive from The Mgt telling everyone not to use REPLY/ALL and you can guess the rest.

Have them all executed.  It's the only way to ensure the survival of the human race.

[Kim]

It's the mail server version of a runaway nuclear chain reaction. Surprised it didn't reach criticality and blow the server up.

Yes people are that stupid.

I reckon the influx of stupid people neatly compensates for Moore's Law allowing mail systems to handle more messages before choking.

I remember this happening at Brizzle, after some genius created a list-of-lists that encompassed all the undergraduates and a fair number of staff.  Eventually most of the student mailboxes went over their pitiful quota and it started backing up in the outgoing spool, causing all deliveries to grind to a halt.  Only the more savvy members of the engineering faculty had working email, on account of having moved their account to a dedicated server with much higher quotas (though IIRC we still couldn't send to the outside world), and got to watch the whole clusterfuck in slow motion.  I'm not sure how it was eventually resolved, but I expect it went something like this:

[ian]

Oh, banks.

So, I come back from holiday and my keypad security gadget doesn't work (I blame the stupidity inducing cosmic rays that happened over Britain while I was wrestling my way up the Parisian league of surly waiters). I need to pay the builder. Ah, it's OK, there's a password option. Erm, what's my password? It's evidently not any of the half dozen secret questions, memorable phrases, or the telephone banking PIN number (which I don't have either having never telephone banked).

OK, I'll request a new keypad. Please enter your password, says the machine. Le sigh.

I call the bank. Please enter your telephone banking PIN, says the machine.

Do not pass go. I suppose it's secure if even I can't access my account.

[Mr Larrington]

When I had massive hassles with obtaining one of those keypad gadgets last year I learned:

• they're all the same, and
• you can walk into a branch and get one over the counter, and
• Barclays Bank are a bunch of useless lying twats

[Polar Bear]

Ah, the illusion of security.   

[Kim]

Ah, the illusion of security.

Not really.  The algorithms on the Taschenrechner (as it has come to be known in this house) aren't supposed to be secret are they?  It's just an interface to the chip on your card.


Which isn't to say the whole PIN-verification process isn't security theatre...

[mcshroom]

Santander seem to be able to run a fully operational internet banking system without having a keypad to lose. Why are they needed?

[Kim]

Santander seem to be able to run a fully operational internet banking system without having a keypad to lose. Why are they needed?

As an extra layer of obfuscation to prevent you from doing anything out of the ordinary without a card and PIN.  Typically invoked when you set up a BACS payment to someone new, or similar (which makes a certain degree of sense).  Regular stuff like logging in and transferring money between your accounts doesn't need it.

[Mr Larrington]

Santander seem to be able to run a fully operational internet banking system without having a keypad to lose. Why are they needed?

As an extra layer of obfuscation to prevent you from doing anything out of the ordinary without a card and PIN.  Typically invoked when you set up a BACS payment to someone new, or similar (which makes a certain degree of sense).  Regular stuff like logging in and transferring money between your accounts doesn't need it.

Lloyds don't use them either, but Barclays require them just to log in, never mind juggling with actual money.  I only came to need one after Barclays borged ING Direct.

[mcshroom]

Santander seem to be able to run a fully operational internet banking system without having a keypad to lose. Why are they needed?

As an extra layer of obfuscation to prevent you from doing anything out of the ordinary without a card and PIN.  Typically invoked when you set up a BACS payment to someone new, or similar (which makes a certain degree of sense).  Regular stuff like logging in and transferring money between your accounts doesn't need it.

Ah. The Spanish bank's version of this involves codes by SMS.

[Kim]

Barclays require them just to log in, never mind juggling with actual money.

Wheras NatPest explicitly state that they'll never ask you to use one to log in, lest a phisher create an elaborate mock-up of the login page as a proxy to access your chip+PIN.

Being a bank, they make up for this suspicious application of common sense by sending you regular spammy emails.

[Bledlow]

Brilliant, about 150 emails later the originator pleads for people to stop. The response: dozens of reply-all 'thanks' and 'OK's

Were people this stupid before I want on holiday or was there a comet or strange meteor display while I was away?

I wouldn't like to try to remember how many cases of that sort of idiocy I've suffered from. Delete, delete, delete!

[Mr Larrington]

I get plenty of luncheon meat from Santander in spite of not having to use an Infernal Machine to connect to their online banking.  The next time the fuckers offer me a credit card I'm apt to take it and max it out on cocaine and hookers donations to charity.

I think the balance in my Santander current account is about £6.99.

[Pickled Onion]

Brilliant, about 150 emails later the originator pleads for people to stop. The response: dozens of reply-all 'thanks' and 'OK's

Were people this stupid before I want on holiday or was there a comet or strange meteor display while I was away?

I wouldn't like to try to remember how many cases of that sort of idiocy I've suffered from. Delete, delete, delete!

Monday morning normally involves: right click email(s) -> create new rule -> apply rule to inbox now. Then watch the deleted items box fill up. Job done.

[ian]

Brilliant, about 150 emails later the originator pleads for people to stop. The response: dozens of reply-all 'thanks' and 'OK's

Were people this stupid before I want on holiday or was there a comet or strange meteor display while I was away?

I wouldn't like to try to remember how many cases of that sort of idiocy I've suffered from. Delete, delete, delete!

What gets me is that they don't stop. They're still arriving. The first email was stupid, but hey we all make mistakes. The first reply-all, well, it's a forgivable sin, you are yet to see what you wrought. But after that people must surely note that their inbox is now filling. Do they genuinely not see the connection?

Even better, they're now quoting, so each

'please remove me'

now quotes the previous dozen pleas below.

please
      please
            please
                  make
                           it
                              stop

[Mr Larrington]

I bet they're all top-posting too

Even better, they're now quoting, so each

'please remove me'

now quotes the previous dozen pleas below.

please
      please
            please
                  make
                           it
                              stop

[ian]

Ah, the illusion of security.

Not really.  The algorithms on the Taschenrechner (as it has come to be known in this house) aren't supposed to be secret are they?  It's just an interface to the chip on your card.


Which isn't to say the whole PIN-verification process isn't security theatre...

It's certainly theatre. What's my 'grandfather's first name?' Which one? I don't remember. And was it Alf or Alfred. Where's my favourite holiday destination? I don't know. The only way I'd remember all this shit is to write it down. Make a mistake and you have reset the lot. Which you can only do with the secure key.

The HSBC secure key isn't a card chip based system, you type a PIN and it gives a six digit number. I presume all this proves is that you have the physical device (I assume there's some embedded key in the circuits) and its PIN (which algorithmically generates the six digit code from the embedded key) rather than anything more sophisticated. So, two factor authentication. I'm not clear why it's necessary to see my account, other than to annoy me. Still, given all that drug money squirreled away in HSBC accounts they probably figure their customers need that extra tier of discretion.

Apparently I needed to set up my password, but hey I can do, I just need to input...

A new one is in the post. Because that's secure.

[David Martin]

One of our IT honchos has this approach to nonsensical security questions - just reply to them all with the same single word answer. Then you don't need to remember which uncle - it is Burberry. You don't need to remember where was your first school, the answer is still Burberry.

Some systems are starting to catch on.

[Mr Larrington]

Uncle Burberry - the chav Womble.

[Zipperhead]

I get plenty of luncheon meat from Santander in spite of not having to use an Infernal Machine to connect to their online banking.  The next time the fuckers offer me a credit card I'm apt to take it and max it out on cocaine and hookers donations to charity.

I think the balance in my Santander current account is about £6.99.

I think that might be enough to get you a BJ from Toothless Meg, and a couple of paracetamol for afterwards.

[ian]

Oh for fuck's sake, they're doing the fucking email thing again. Stop hitting REPLY ALL, you starspangled fuckstains.

Edit: I'm not entirely sure whether to be subtly pleased with the sheer deviousness of the responses to all that say 'stop replying to all.'

There's 33,000 names in the group email used...