Am I too familiar?

[Peter]

Most shop-assistants, of all the many sexes, wear labels with their name on these days, usually their first name.  I have been in the habit of saying, "Hello" or "Thank you,"  and including the person's name in the remark.  This has always been perfectly well received and I thought I was helping in a tiny way to let people know that I appreciated what they were doing and that I didn't see them just as a functionary.  Until today.  I was in a shop where everyone wore names with letters an inch high on their company fleeces.  I went to pay for stuff at the checkout and asked the staff-member, a woman of about 20, if she would mind finding out the price of an item which wasn't marked, as in:  "Hello, Hannah, could you find out how much this is, please, it isn't marked."  She walked off to find out, taking her badge off as she did and then returned with the price.  I assumed I had made a mistake with her name and said, "Oh, I'm sorry, have you got some-one else's fleece on?"  She replied, "No, I just don't think people who don't know me should call me by my first name."  I was speechless, though my head was humming with things like "you're in the wrong job" or "if my surname was Arse then I'd prefer to be called Hannah".  I was so dumbfounded that I rode home like a zombie but when I got in I rang the manager, who was very good and apologetic and it seemed that it wasn't the first time Hannah had done this.  I did insist that I didn't want her sanctioned in any way, but I'm wondering:-

Am I foolish to use people's names (I don't do it ostentatiously but I hope appropriately)?
Might it be some esoteric religious thing?

(I have quite varied experience of Aspie behaviour and it's not something I've noticed there.)

[Ariadne]

I understand that you're doing this from good intentions, but I would a) dislike having to wear a name badge, and b) find it creepy and a bit condescending if people then used my name in the way you did. She doesn't know your name, after all. And there's a bit of a .. a power thing, in calling someone you don't know by their first name?

I'm pretty sleepy so I'm maybe not explaining that very well - but personally, I wouldn't do it, and wouldn't like to be on the receiving end of it.

[Kim]

I certainly wouldn't do it, but for some reason I seem to go to the opposite extreme and pretty much never use people's names when addressing them directly, except in so much as is required to get someone's attention.  It sounds redundant and clunky when other people do it, but I accept that's probably my linguistic quirk, not theirs.

Of course, if I were working in a role that involved wearing a visible name tag, I wouldn't be surprised if people used it, whatever I might think of the practice.

[mcshroom]

Although I can appreciate you were trying to be friendly I'd agree with Ariadne. The name badges are more there for if you have a problem you can tell the manager who it was that served you.

When I worked for a well known chicken purveyor I had to wear a name tag. The staff used to rebel against this by deliberately swapping badges. On the rare occasion I wore my own badge and someone used my name, I used to be quite confused as I would try to work out whether I actually knew them or not.

[Peter]

OK, thanks for your thoughts, everyone.  I think it's probably best that I don't do it, though I am a little surprised and disappointed that people think that. 

[padbeat]

When I phone up a helpline/bank/other and the person tells me their name is Steve, I make a point of saying 'Hi Steve, can you help me with this, please', and 'Thanks for your help Steve, it's appreciated'. I hope it brightens their soul-destroying day by just a Watt or two.

Would I address someone as Steve because their name badge says so? No, probably not. I'd probably avoid using a name until they'd introduced themselves, unless it were a protracted negotiation like trying to avoid buying breakdown coverage on their product. I'm not really sure why though. There's nothing wrong with it, but it just doesn't sit right for some reason. Maybe it's the absence of introduction on either side?

[mark]

Employees wear name tags because their employer requires them to do so, not because they want to give out their personal information to every stranger who walks into their place of business. Same thing with telephone help lines or live chat help on a company's website, they are only telling you their name because they've been ordered to do so by their employer.

I accept that padbeat and Peter mean well, but when I worked in jobs that required a name tag or an introduction I never appreciated people using my name, although a word of thanks was always appreciated. I do not address employees with nametags by the name on the tag, and I do not take an introduction that's clearly part of a spiel required by someone's employer as permission to use that person's name. I do conclude any business transaction with a word of thanks.

[gordon taylor]

I wouldn't use a shop assistant's name - nor would I subsequently phone her manager to discuss her reaction.

Sorry Peter, I think you are out of step here.

[Pancho]

It probably depends where you are. In America, it may be OK but never over here.

[Noodley]

I think the accepted terms of reference are "Oi, dipshit"...

[Rig of Jarkness]

Peter, I think that you were perfectly correct to complain to Hannah's manager.  I wish more shop assistants would wear name badges.

[nicknack]

Blimey. You can tell we're in England can't you?

If you've got a name badge on how can you not expect people to make use of the information? If you have a problem with it you take it up with the employer not the customer.

[Polar Bear]

I find it rather too personal when somebody I am not familiar with addresses me by my first name though I am long enough in the tooth to let it wash over me.    Sometimes I will reply by asking their first name which often catches them completely off their guard - as intended.   I am quite blunt - it really depends how I feel about how I have been addressed.

Acceptable behaviour is in my view to ask politely how one might address the other person.   Not to do so but to assume that one can use a first name comes across as pompous and controlling to me.   

No offence intended Peter.

[hbunnet]

I'm surprised by this. I rarely use shop assistants names as displayed, but when I do, I am trying to be friendly.  This would include a telephone conversation.

It has never crossed my mind that offense might be taken when the reverse is intended, but if it were I would not involve the management.

I'm not English though 

[Aidan]

I do on occasions use names when they are shown. Not for every little transaction, but generally when the person serving has spent time and been very helpful, or it has been a protracted transaction, I then use it in the thank you at the end.   I se it as recognising that person as a person, not just a drone shop assisitant.   I have never met with negativity from it, and have always felt it was appreciated.

[Polar Bear]

If you've got a name badge on how can you not expect people to make use of the information? If you have a problem with it you take it up with the employer not the customer.

Hmmm - employer listening:   Not much hope of that I'm afraid.     

[Clare]

I don't use names in shops because I'm usually not concentrating that well and "Excuse me, do you have any <whateverIamlookingfor>?" is as good as it gets, followed by a "Thank you" when they have dealt with my query.
I've worked in places where I had to wear a name badge and it came with the territory that some customers would use my name when they spoke to me, it was a pleasant change from the usual "Oi, you!" "A'right luv" and "Jew fink your summink speshul wiv dat badge on den?"
I also appreciated it in a humanising way; somebody had noticed that I had a name and was an individual not an automaton called ASDAhappytohelp.

[Aidan]

If you've got a name badge on how can you not expect people to make use of the information? If you have a problem with it you take it up with the employer not the customer.

Hmmm - employer listening:   Not much hope of that I'm afraid.   

Dont agree with that. All my staff wear name badges , and I certainly would take a staff member being rude to a customer seriously.   

And a s a serial complainer I also know that it does get listened to.  Maybe not everywhere, but many places.

[Peter]

I don't use names in shops because I'm usually not concentrating that well and "Excuse me, do you have any <whateverIamlookingfor>?" is as good as it gets, followed by a "Thank you" when they have dealt with my query.
I've worked in places where I had to wear a name badge and it came with the territory that some customers would use my name when they spoke to me, it was a pleasant change from the usual "Oi, you!" "A'right luv" and "Jew fink your summink speshul wiv dat badge on den?"
I also appreciated it in a humanising way; somebody had noticed that I had a name and was an individual not an automaton called ASDAhappytohelp.

Clare, this is exactly how I see it (or saw it till the replies came in).

@ Ariadne
I'm shocked that it could be considered "creepy", though I can see why someone might prefer me not to do it - but "creepy"?  And also the "power" thing that was mentioned: it would take a little bit of attitude, I think, not to assume I was just reading it off a name-tag, as I had been empowered to do by someone other than myself!

Ho hum - live and learn!

[Clare]

Clare, this is exactly how I see it (or saw it till the replies came in).

ASDAhappytohelp

 

[Pickled Onion]

Blimey. You can tell we're in England can't you?

If you've got a name badge on how can you not expect people to make use of the information? If you have a problem with it you take it up with the employer not the customer.

The complaint from Hannah in the OP was that Peter'd used her first name - if she would prefer to be called "Miss Jones" or whatever, that's what should be on her name badge, and it's something the employer should respect. Yes, the norm nowadays is to use first names but that doesn't mean some people wouldn't prefer a little more formality.

[LittleWheelsandBig]

I use first names when known, name tags help with that and that is what they are intended for. I don't care if folk swap badges, it could read Regimental Sergent Major for all I care. It makes a better identifier than "hey, third drongo from the left" and isn't meant to annoy people wearing nametags but now I'll get a little frisson from knowing that there are some folk who get annoyed by it, for piffling reasons.

[Wowbagger]

I hate over-familiarisation. I also hate bullying employers. It's totally unnecessary and degrading for shop assistants, or anyone else for that matter, to wear their names on their lapels and I see this as a ridiculous part of the all-pervading anti-terror industry that people have to wear such things. When at work, everyone knows who everyone else is. In a situation in which the public are being dealt with, there's still no need. A simple "Excuse me..." will get their attention if you need help with anything.

One of the schools I go to insist that I wear a sticky label with "Visitor" printed on it. I've been going there about 10 years. Everyone knows who I am. Yet on one occasion that I "forgot" to stick the label to my jumper, the deputy head whined at me.

[Charlotte]

Maybe because I *am* British, I'd not use someone's first name from on a name tag in this way.  Particularly if I'd already been called "Madam" in a shop (they stopped calling me "Miss" years ago...)

To do so would be to reinforce a class and power dynamic that I'm not comfortable with.  When I speak to someone in a shop, I'm no better than they are.  I like it when I'm in France, because the guy behind the counter is Monsieur. 

Mind you, when I'm on the phone to some customer service wonk and he assumes that he can call me by my first name, I tend to get very annoyed...

[Polar Bear]

If you've got a name badge on how can you not expect people to make use of the information? If you have a problem with it you take it up with the employer not the customer.

Hmmm - employer listening:   Not much hope of that I'm afraid.   

Dont agree with that. All my staff wear name badges , and I certainly would take a staff member being rude to a customer seriously.   

And a s a serial complainer I also know that it does get listened to.  Maybe not everywhere, but many places.

Indeed, but, how would you deal with a staff member who doesn't want to wear a name badge and who prefers not to be called by their first name by complete strangers?   I suggest that in fact it should be for the individual to decide on whether they wear the badge, not for the employer to dictate and then enforce reluctance.   Not good for mutual trust and confidence in the employer / employee relationship.