Really annoying expressions that make you cringe

[Vince]

"I'm good" instead of "I don't need anything"

Me: Would you like a coffee?
Co-worker: I'm good.
Me: You may be good, but would you like a coffee.

[T42]

Stations.  Stations are railway stations unless otherwise stated and the person who introduced the phrase "train station" to the lexicon of the noble BRITON can fuck right off before coming back to be transported to USAnia as deck cargo on a nuclear submarine.

Hooray, Mr. L.  My daughter used to make me cower in a corner with her "train station in Shroosbury". What makes it even more infuriating is when they justify it by saying "you talk about bus stations" and "'everyone' calls it Shroosbury these days".  Bollocks: true English needs no justification, it simply IS.  And "everyone" is an arsehole.

Then there's "I was like" meaning "I said".

[T42]

And (picture yrs trly running screaming through streets tearing hair) the execrable swine who use "gift" for "give".  In another place I have just read "I was gifted a voucher...". Gift being German for poison, the voucher is superfluous but I only hope it was agonizing.

[Wowbagger]

I deprecate the recent trend for people to answer the question "How are you?" With "I'm good."

I wasn't asking after your sanctity, I was asking after your health, you dunderheaded buffoon.

[PhilO]

But some words are more needless than others: The leftpondian habit of omitting the word 'on' from dates irks me.  It's "I'll see you on Tuesday" not "I'll see you Toosday", dammit!

Plus omitting the 'th' and 'of' from dates. Today is the 15th of May (or May the 15th, if you prefer); it is not "May fifteen', ffs.

And +1 for most of the above, especially 'going foward' and 'can I get?' 

[CAMRAMan]

As an antidote to this thread, a pub company in the Black Country, Mad O'Rourke's, IIRC, had the slogan 'Please drink harder and faster'. Worked for me.

[Wombat]

But some words are more needless than others: The leftpondian habit of omitting the word 'on' from dates irks me.  It's "I'll see you on Tuesday" not "I'll see you Toosday", dammit!

Plus omitting the 'th' and 'of' from dates. Today is the 15th of May (or May the 15th, if you prefer); it is not "May fifteen', ffs.

And +1 for most of the above, especially 'going foward' and 'can I get?'

And a very special day it is too...

(well, it should be, but its not.  the day's event include going to B&Q, strimming a wildly overgrown huge garden, cleaning my father's grave, taking my mum to the doctors, and meeting a care agency about looking after said mother. )

[Jacomus]

I'm not sure it's an expression as such but I loath those adverts which sell things costing "two nine nine" or "three one Six three"         What? Bags of gold, rupees, eggs?         If it's two hundred and ninety nine of your English Pounds then bloody well say so.

Yes! A thousand times yes!

Also, the fact that sed ugly sofa is £299 instead of £300 pisses me off too. Every single time I see/hear something like that it feels like they are assuming I'm thick enough to think that £299 is significantly cheaper than £300.

[ian]

But some words are more needless than others: The leftpondian habit of omitting the word 'on' from dates irks me.  It's "I'll see you on Tuesday" not "I'll see you Toosday", dammit!

That's just American English, same as 'I'll write you later.'

I don't mind 'can I get' and other constructions, I'm rarely irked by language, I like the variety of uses. School mottos on the other hand, when did that start? I've been noticing them. It used to be that only public schools had mottos and they had to be Latin and cryptic and probably about buggery. Now they're English and anodyne. 'Making Our Children Super' or something, usually in Comic Sans.

[HTFB]

Is it limited-edition or even epic? No. The best sandwich of all is sub-optimal.

[Tim Hall]

But some words are more needless than others: The leftpondian habit of omitting the word 'on' from dates irks me.  It's "I'll see you on Tuesday" not "I'll see you Toosday", dammit!

That's just American English, same as 'I'll write you later.'

I don't mind 'can I get' and other constructions, I'm rarely irked by language, I like the variety of uses. School mottos on the other hand, when did that start? I've been noticing them. It used to be that only public schools had mottos and they had to be Latin and cryptic and probably about buggery. Now they're English and anodyne. 'Making Our Children Super' or something, usually in Comic Sans.

Lake Wobegone Elementary School: "Making all our children above average".

[TimC]

I deprecate the recent trend for people to answer the question "How are you?" With "I'm good."

I wasn't asking after your sanctity, I was asking after your health, you dunderheaded buffoon.

But I am good, and don't you call me a dunderheaded buffoon or I will have you get an awsum visit with the hospital Saturday, going forward. Innit.

[Juan Martín]

'Thought leadership'. 

[Vince]

"My bad"

You're bad what? Foot? Health? Grammer? Manners?

[ian]

'Thought leadership'. 

That's my job. No really.

[clarion]

I am guilty of using 'sub-optimal'.  But, in my defence, I have been using it since it was a bit of roadie dark humour in the mid-eighties.

I propose a new international standard language: Vout-a-roonie.

[Cudzoziemiec]

"It's all good."
 

[spesh]

As an antidote to this thread, a pub company in the Black Country, Mad O'Rourke's, IIRC, had the slogan 'Please drink harder and faster'. Worked for me.

I remember that sign. 

And the GBFO Desperate Dan Cow Pies. 

[Mr Larrington]

As an antidote to this thread, a pub company in the Black Country, Mad O'Rourke's, IIRC, had the slogan 'Please drink harder and faster'. Worked for me.

I remember that sign. 

And the GBFO Desperate Dan Cow Pies. 

IIRC they were The Little Pub Company, run by M.A.D. O'Rourke^*.  I have fond memories of an epic lunch in the Cradley Sausage Works.

Burp!

* - possibly not his real name.

[PhilO]

Now why does that put me in mind of C.M.O.T Dibbler? 

[HTFB]

Is it limited-edition or even epic? No. The best sandwich of all is sub-optimal.

Pearls, swine.
In the jargon, NOUN-optimal means as good as possible with respect to NOUN. An algorithm can be space-optimal if it uses the least possible amount of computing space, for example. So sub-optimal means as good as possible with respect to being a filled baguette. Honestly, I thought better of you.

[Wowbagger]

But hardly Ximenean.

[Steph]

"Like". Just that. I feel the urge to ask someone who was "like walking down the road" what they mean. Were they tiptoing? Running? Hopping? Using a pogo stick? Or were they actually just walking?

Or, "I was in, like, America". Do you mean Canada? Or perhaps Eurodisney?

Mr L Wainwright III has an apposite musical piece called "Cobwebs", about "The little word that used to mean 'as if' "

[Tigerrr]

I am so over that.
Anyway, what's not to like?
See you laters.

But the thing that really loads my gun, is like, when people end every sentence as a question? You know, like they really aren't sure about it? And need you to nod your agreement to whatever inane dribble issues from their incontinent mouth?
I believe it is known as Australian interrogative intonation. An immediate interview terminator for employment as anything other than a sandwich seller.

[Polar Bear]

'Thought leadership'. 

That's my job. No really.

That explains a whole lot about your posts...