the food rant thread

[citoyen]

Wagamama, not the worst, but it’s Asian food for people who aren’t sure if they like Asian food. It used to be OK as a safe bet but the last time I went (to the one opposite Fairfield Halls in Croydon, your dining options are pretty limited after 10pm in Croydon, come to think of it, they’re not exactly good before 10pm) it was basically a squabble of noodles that seemed to have drowned in a bowl of tepid stock and The Curry That Said ‘Meh.’ Not been since as they’re refurbing FH (I liked the 70s vibe). Basically any generic mall noodle bar in the far-east will do better and for quarter of the price. Or for practicality, go to one of the little Japanese places the dot the London suburbs, you’ll get better for half the price and have twice the fun.

I remember the original Wagamama in Lexington Street - I used to go there when it was the only Wagamama and still had novelty value. Of course, even then there were more authentic cafés in the back streets of Soho where you could get decent Japanese food cheaply. I'd still far rather eat at Wagamama than F&B's or TGIF but I haven't been in one for a while so it may have deteriorated. I make my own ersatz katsu curry these days so I don't need to go to Wagamama for the faux-Japanese experience.

My first experience of kaiten sushi (the conveyor belt thing) was a place called Kulu Kulu in Brewer Street, which was already old news by the time the first Yo Sushi opened and still a) much better, and b) much cheaper than Yo Sushi, which is shit.

As for Garfunkel's... back around 2000 I had to entertain a couple of friends who were visiting from Warrington. London must have seemed unbearably glamorous to them. They were hungry after a hard day's sightseeing and suggested we all went to a Garfunkel's - or maybe it was Aberdeen Angus Steakhouse. I forget. Either way, I tried to stifle my horror at the thought and suggested instead a place I knew on Old Compton Street called Pollo - not exactly posh, to say the least, but you could get passable plates of basic Italian food cooked by actual Italians, with main courses around the £3 mark. They were flabbergasted that it was possible to eat that cheaply anywhere in London - especially as the food was certainly no worse than anything you'd get from the mainstream chains for five times the price. I've still never set food inside a Garfunkel's and intend to keep it that way. Alas, Pollo is long gone - as is the Stockpot, another venerable Soho institution where real people could afford to eat. I think they were all priced out by exorbitant rents when Soho de-sleazified itself (won't go so far as to say it gentrified) so now only the big chains can afford to set up shop there. Which is a great shame.

[ian]

Nandos. Never been. Never gonna.

To be fair, and to prove I'm not the insufferable snob that I so obviously am, Nandos isn't bad per se. They actually grill the chicken rather than merely reheat. There's at least a whiff of culinary industry that goes beyond simply snipping open vacuum packs. If you can put aside the fact that it's probably miserably raised factory chicken (to be honest, I can't these days), it's a recognizable food. The sauce is probably the saving grace. It's daubed liberally on the outside of the chicken as they grill, but none of it gets inside, it just slithers off with the skin, so really you end up dissecting the chicken and pouring on more sauce. Effectively, it's really a sauce restaurant, the chicken is just the serving mechanism. The chicken wings have actual bones which really, really should the expectation when ordering chicken wings. Oh the whole though, I don't think anyone in the UK should be allowed to do chicken wings, the result is generally as flightless as the bird itself. It needs meaty wings, the sort that look like they're from chickens raised in a gym on steroids and protein shakes, and they have to be soaked in the twice as much sauce as you'd ever believe they'd need (ideally equal parts butter and Frank's hot sauce, trust me on this). It's the kind of excess that only Americans can really manage.

My Damascene dining moment came with the bill a while back when I got the bill for a lunch for four which was the better part of £80 for not very much. The portions are small, a half dozen small chicken wings, a quarter of a modest-sized chicken, a breast in a single pitta, the sides come in rationed little pots. Now I'm not a fan of epic portion sizes, but I can't say I was full. For £80, even given a couple of beers, that's a lot for what is basically fast food chicken. You can eat a lot better for less, and for a small uptick, you can eat lunch in a proper restaurant.

[rafletcher]

I'm reading a book at the moment, and it describes the characters having Turkey wings (albeit stewed). Now, them's wings!

[Jaded]

Pretty sure I went to a Planet Hollywood in LA. It’s the kind of thing you do when you are researching fastish food restaurants.

The most memorable thing was that it had a Terminator in the lobby.

[citoyen]

The sauce is probably the saving grace. It's daubed liberally on the outside of the chicken as they grill, but none of it gets inside, it just slithers off with the skin, so really you end up dissecting the chicken and pouring on more sauce. Effectively, it's really a sauce restaurant, the chicken is just the serving mechanism.

Which is fine, really, because the sauce is pretty much the best thing about Nando's.

Again, I haven't been to an actual Nando's for a while - I balk at paying those prices for what is essentially a middle-class KFC - but I do keep a stock of Nando's extra hot peri-peri sauce in the pantry at home (you can get huge bottles of the stuff from Tesco for about £4).

[citoyen]

Pretty sure I went to a Planet Hollywood in LA. It’s the kind of thing you do when you are researching fastish food restaurants.

The most memorable thing was that it had a Terminator in the lobby.

Planet Hollywood is another place I've never eaten in. Why would you? I don't get it.

Having a Terminator in the lobby is pretty cool, though.

[Nothereforafasttime]

First experience of Nandos was probably my last.

I'd rather have a Mchicken Sandwich and that's saying something.  Presentation 1/10, taste 3/10.

It's the fact that from what I could see it's literally just a bun with a piece of chicken inbetween....

[Jakob W]

Aberdeen Angus steakhouses are AFAIK still going, and a bunch of them have been given makeovers (though I don't think it extends to the food). Still only ever lonely tourists sitting in them as far as I can see.

[ian]

There's nothing wrong with a bit of chicken in a bun if done well – that was my tea the other night, take a couple of chicken breasts, teach them some manners with a rolling pin, then jab them with a fork, marinade overnight in cajun spice and buttermilk. You can tip some Nandos sauce over them if you must, but I guarantee that my breasts will be better than theirs.

I've always dreamed of giving Chicken Cottage and makeover and turning it into Chateau Poulet – a destination chicken restaurant. These are the idle thoughts that fill my mind.

I totally forgot that I had a McDonalds chicken-y thing in Jakarta earlier this year. I'm not sure what it was though, some Indonesian special they had. I liked it.

[pcolbeck]

Planet Hollywood is another place I've never eaten in. Why would you? I don't get it.

Because "its got a genuine atmosphere" according to the team leader of a bunch of datacentre guys I was with in New Orleans once as he insisted we all went there. Its OK just expensive and has no atmosphere at all, like a more expensive McDonalds.

[ian]

What puzzles me a bit is why Carribean food never took off in the UK in the same way as Nandos, a South African import – proper jerk chicken off the bbq is fantastic and easily a match. It always seems a bit of an omission.

[citoyen]

What puzzles me a bit is why Carribean food never took off in the UK in the same way as Nandos, a South African import – proper jerk chicken off the bbq is fantastic and easily a match. It always seems a bit of an omission.

Good point. Reggae Reggae sauce is popular, and Levi Roots does have one restaurant* but it doesn't appear to have become a chain/franchise yet.

The food was always the best bit about Notting Hill Carnival.


*It's not a restaurant, it's a Rastaraunt!

[Jaded]

Maybe because people were more familiar with Piri-Piri via the medium of Portugal?


Or Nandos made better offers to the landlords...

[ian]

To be fair (and before someone corrects me), there are plenty of Carribean places on the high street (but really only in areas with a sizable Afro-Carribean population), it's just that Carribean never seems to have reached mass acceptance (opinion piece in the Guardian at 5pm, tastebuds are institutionally racist). It's a bit peculiar, even in the leafy jungles of Surrey you'll find Indian, Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese, Korean etc. without too much effort, but rarely Carribean.

My neighbour opined that white people are too scared to go into the takeaways, which might have some mileage. There used to be a place next to Norwood Junction station where they cooked on an oil-drum BBQ indoors. It unsurprisingly burnt down. Probably best I didn't go in that one.

I don't think British people were familiar with any kind of spice till about 1986. My parents still haven't graduated beyond white pepper and my mother makes an 'eeugh' noise every time she sees olive oil being used for cooking (as everyone knows, olive oil is for ears).

[Jurek]

Chef in the canteen at work does a pretty damn good jerk chicken (it's what I had for lunch today).
However, the temptation is strong to sample the offerings of this place which is 50m from where I work - albeit at over twice the price which the works canteen churns out - I have my doubts whether it is twice as good.
Must. Try.

[citoyen]

even in the leafy jungles of Surrey you'll find Indian, Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese, Korean etc. without too much effort, but rarely Carribean.

Of course, the version of those cuisines you find on the UK high street is very much an anglicised hybrid.

Caribbean cooking is itself a hybrid of many different cultural influences with no coherent lineage, which might be part of the reason it hasn’t established a mainstream presence over here. But I’m just guessing.

You might also ask why we have so many French and Italian restaurants but very few German ones - considering the German heritage of our royal family for the last 300 years, you’d think they might have had more of a cultural influence.

[ian]

We have Herman ze German!

[Jurek]

even in the leafy jungles of Surrey you'll find Indian, Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese, Korean etc. without too much effort, but rarely Carribean.

Of course, the version of those cuisines you find on the UK high street is very much an anglicised hybrid.

Caribbean cooking is itself a hybrid of many different cultural influences with no coherent lineage, which might be part of the reason it hasn’t established a mainstream presence over here. But I’m just guessing.

You might also ask why we have so many French and Italian restaurants but very few German ones - considering the German heritage of our royal family for the last 300 years, you’d think they might have had more of a cultural influence.

When's the last time you heard anyone say "Let's go out for a German" ?
Hmmmm?

ETA

Italian? Yes.
Spanish? Yes.
French? Yes.
Portugese? Yes.
Polish? Yes.
Swedish Ikea? Yes.

German? Not so much.

[hellymedic]

Much 'Jewish' is German, with a smattering of Polish, Russian and other cuisines and some 'Noo Yoik' cuisine is Jewish European in the Great Cauldron...

[ian]

I suppose all those international cuisines are distinctive, they have a signature. German is a bit like British, no real hook. Everyone knows what a Thai or Chinese dish is, authentic or not.

Well, other than the French, who insist on ruining non-French food.

[Gattopardo]

I suppose all those international cuisines are distinctive, they have a signature. German is a bit like British, no real hook. Everyone knows what a Thai or Chinese dish is, authentic or not.

Well, other than the French, who insist on ruining non-French food.

German sausage laws, great sausages.

[Pingu]

And oh, if you're in Norway and face a pizza topping decision, go for the taco.

Mrs P has had experience with Norwegian pizza. It looked rather oily in her pics of it.

[Mr Larrington]

And oh, if you're in Norway and face a pizza topping decision, go for the taco.

Mrs P has had experience with Norwegian pizza. It looked rather oily in her pics of it.

Professor Larrington was heard to wax lyrical about the reindeer pizza she had on, or en route to, Svalbard a couple of years ago.

[ian]

As it's been a while, I just scanned through all 56 pages (!) of this thread to check I wasn't going repeat on myself regarding a rant about Chloe and Sophie. Firstly I was going to repeat myself so I won't even though the pair of them narked me again the other weekend. Secondly, inadvertently reminding myself about Project Pork Bun made me laugh so hard that tea came out of my eyes (I was drinking tea at the time, I don't have an internal reservoir of tea waiting for just such a circumstance).

[Mrs Pingu]

And oh, if you're in Norway and face a pizza topping decision, go for the taco.

Mrs P has had experience with Norwegian pizza. It looked rather oily in her pics of it.

IMAG0067 by The Pingus, on Flickr

To be fair the food I've had in Norway has generally been good. Except for that pizza.