TdeF 2017

[Mr Larrington]

Stage 13: Saint-Girons->Foix

G Imlach:	O hai! Bottles!
NC Boardman:	O hai! Bottles! No eating, no cheating, no looking out of teh window, no slang, no slide rules! Dividers may be used – NOT ON EACH OTHER! Rubbish rule!
G Bennett:	O hai! What rules? I know nothing!
G Imlach:	French rider? Bad show!
C Prudhomme:	Bof! U Ingleesh!
	Soon…
N Boulting:	O hai! Futile break, total control, something in teh middle? A Contador?
SD Millar:	O hai! Yes, no and maybe.
N Boulting:	Thx 4 that, Super D! (Aside…) Idiot!
M Kitteh:	At least teh sprint, sprint, sprintEEEE is only 13 km in 2da. Also, miaow!
C Prudhomme:	OK. Off u fck!
PT Voeckler:	C’est le 14 de Juillet! C me and my tongue attack!
W Barguil:	And spottypoints 4 meeeeeeee!
J Birdsong:	Oi, pelican! Plz 2 wait 4 me? I need you, oh how I need you! But all you do is treat me bad, break mi heart and leave me sad!
Omnes:	Get tae fck, J Birdsong! Ur so-called Mum wasn’t even on that record!
	Shortly…
N Boulting:	And now P York!
M Smith:	What about me?
N Boulting:	Shut! Up!
P York:	Did C Froome forget 2 eat hiz lunch yesterday? Or what?
AD Marchi:	O hai! I am AD Marchi and I am made ov teh Win! Enough dckng abt, I iz off!
W Barguil:	I, W Barguil, iz also off!
Bethany (7):	Yay!
AD Marchi & W Barguil:	Oh. Arse!
A Contador:	Do not be fooled! I iz just looking 4 teh road 2 Spaign-o!
C Froome:	M Landa! Discipline these miscreants!
M Landa:	Yeth, mathter!
SD Millar:	Wot a mess! Brilliant!
N Boulting:	AG2R! M Landa! Virtual shinyjumper?
	Up teh hill…
W Barguil:	MOAR spottypoints 4 meeeeeeee!
Bethany (7):	w00t!
SD Millar:	AG2R!
	Down teh hill…
C Froome:	M Kwiatkowski! Kill them!
M Kwiatkowski:	Yeth, mathter!
	Round teh houses…
M Kwiatkowski:	Thorry, mathter! A Contador & M Landa are 2 fatht!
C Froome:	Then I am very much afraid I shall have 2 turn u into an okapi!
M Kwiatkowski:	Oooh, thank u, mathter!
	On teh moon…
W Barguil:	w00t! MOAR spottypoints 4 meeeeee!
Bethany (7):	Yay! U sure ur not mi Dad?
C Froome:	Now I will kill u all! Except u, D Martin! I am saving u 4 later! Oh.
SD Millar:	I no longer haz any idea what iz going on!
N Boulting:	Nor I, Super D, nor I!
D Martin:	O hai! I care not a fig 4 ur shinyjumper ambitions, C Froome & F Aru! I haz mi own race 2 consider!
W Barguil:	C me lurk!
R Urán:	Right, u gr8 ponces, watch this!
T Pelican:	O RLY?
R Urán:	No. Only joking.
S Yates:	O hai! With teh juniorshinyjumper @ stake, I too will haz a go!
N Boulting:	Conspiracy theory? C Froome does not want M Landa in teh shinyjumper?
SD Millar:	No, ***! Absolutely not! Nononononono, yes!
	Enfin…
W Barguil:	\o/ Et vive la France!
A Contador:	Fooled u! LOL!!1!
Bethany (7):	(Performs vigorous dance routine)
Bethany’s Mum:	Bef’ny! Shut ur noiz, u little show-off!

[Hot Flatus]

If you watch closely its obvious what happened. Landa was looking like he wasn't trying whilstputting the pain on everyone else, whereas Froome even asked him to slow down.

Accidental swapping of jiffy bags. Simples.

Im really pleased. It'll make for a far more dynamic race over the next week.  I know there will be a few upset at the thought of Sky losing, especially Veloman who seems to have a boner for Froome.

Yawn, yawn Flatus and perhaps the posting says more about you than me.

I don't see Sky losing as what I'm currently watching just shows how strong Sky are and how they have more than one rider with GC options in their team. All the pressure on Aru or Landa in yellow jumper and Sky get another trophy for the front of the bus.

What I'm watching is Landa riding for himself. He's going to Movistar next season 

There are 5 riders within a minute of each other. This race is wide open. Froome will probably still win (unfortunately) just off the back of time-trialling.

[TheLurker]

There are 5 riders within a minute of each other. This race is wide open. Froome will probably still win (unfortunately) just off the back of time-trialling.

Exciting isn't it?  I'm not so sure that CF will be able to win through the time trials. If wasn't just an off day then I think he might lose significant amounts of time on the next set of mountain stages; more than can be recovered on the TTs.  I'd *quite* like CF to win becos stupid vaguely "patriotic" reasons, but I think I'd be even more pleased to see Bardet win.   

[Hot Flatus]

I'd love to see Bardet win, it would be the first French win since '85, but more to the point an end to the reign of USPS mk2, with their fat wallet and utter cynicism. It would be like flushing the toilet.

[T42]

Ditto. And fewer of the long flat boring stages.

[Hot Flatus]

I must admit, I'm not sure about the critiscism of the flat boring stages. You want pure sprint finishes? You need flat boring stages. You want fun in the mountains? You need the flat boring stages in between.

[Hot Flatus]

Oh I dont know. That might be one LA allusion too many. Porte is as good now as he ever was. Landa was pretty dodgy before he joined Sky. He looks really dodgy now.

[T42]

I must admit, I'm not sure about the critiscism of the flat boring stages. You want pure sprint finishes? You need flat boring stages. You want fun in the mountains? You need the flat boring stages in between.

I'm not that bothered about pure sprint finishes.  I'd concede, though, that the climbers need flatties to recover in between mountain stages.

I heard that the organizers are chewing over what to do about them, but I haven't heard any good suggestions. A multi-lap stage on a closed circuit was one suggestion.

[Beardy]

Can someone tell me what a 'virtual shiny jumper is please. 
Ps I noes what teh shiny jumper is, it's the virtual that confuses me.

[αdαmsκι]

A multi-lap stage on a closed circuit was one suggestion.

Like what they have done in the Vuelta before?

http://www.cyclingnews.com/races/vuelta-a-espana-2014/stage-12/results/

[fd3]

Swap some transition stages with some pave, then take the long flat stages and cut them in half, split stages on same day, double the sprints, double the breakaways and make up for introducing some regular pave.

[Mrs Pingu]

Can someone tell me what a 'virtual shiny jumper is please. 
Ps I noes what teh shiny jumper is, it's the virtual that confuses me.

Virtual shiny jumper wearer would be the wearer of the shiny jumper if the stage stopped right at that point in time.

[citoyen]

Oh I dont know. That might be one LA allusion too many. Porte is as good now as he ever was. Landa was pretty dodgy before he joined Sky. He looks really dodgy now.

And others, such as Roche and Konig, became rubbish when they joined Sky.

[Hot Flatus]

And EBH.

Landa's breakout season was 2015. From zero to hero. With Astana.  Astana did unbelievably well in the Giro that year.

[T42]

A multi-lap stage on a closed circuit was one suggestion.

Like what they have done in the Vuelta before?

http://www.cyclingnews.com/races/vuelta-a-espana-2014/stage-12/results/

Possibly. Dead flat is rubbish, though.

Meanwhile, Francetvinfo.fr have replaced their clear, informative Race Centre page with a trendy new one that isn't half as clear.

[T42]

Kitteh Lidlbottom: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait 4 meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ! ! !

[αdαmsκι]

Aru: WTF? Get near the front for the finish

[Mrs Pingu]

Oops!

[T42]

Bardet gains 2 sec.

[Samuel D]

Aru: WTF? Get near the front for the finish

Easier said than done when you can’t ride in the wind for toffee and have half a team at your disposal. They were doing close to 60 km/h into a 23 km/h three-quarters headwind from about 20 km out!

More top-notch awareness and tactics by Team Sky. They mess up so rarely. And Kwiatkowski is a super domestique even by super-domestique standards. Always in the right place at the right time, always strong as an ox when called on, and always 100% committed.

[spesh]

Ouch.

“He just didn’t stay on my wheel so it’s hard to keep him at the front,” Aru’s Astana teammate Michael Valgren said.

“It was kind of a lottery to be at the front, I don’t know what happened to Fabio to be honest.”

http://www.velonews.com/stages/2017-tour-de-france-stage-14

[Mr Larrington]

Stage 14: Blagnac->Rodez

G Imlach:	O hai! Transition. Lumps. GV Avermaet!
GV Avermaet:	O hai! Plz 2 not be laying this on me agane!
NC Boardman:	O hai! M Matthews! M Kitteh dropped liek 60lb sack ov covfefe flung over Mexico-US border! With a trebuchet! Oh yes!
N Boulting:	O hai! GC contenders! Wind! Sunweb, BMC, Wind! S Cummings!
S Cummings:	Tiem? I iz biding. It.
SD Millar:	O hai! Is it Norway House, Manitoba?
N Boulting:	No, Super D. No, it is not. Do they not have Google in Girona, FFS?
Omnes:	Ottawa, SD Millar! It’s fukn Ottawa, u menk!
SD Millar:	(Sulks)
N Boulting:	Now look wot u done! He’s gonna be Mr Mardypants all day!
	Inevitably…
PT Voeckler:	O hai! C Prudhomme, plz 2 get on with it!
TD Gendt:	O hai! I, TD Gendt, offishul Racing Beast & tactical bag ov carrots, endorse this product, service or sentiment!
C Prudhomme:	OK. Off U fck! PT Voeckler, do ur thing!
PT Voeckler:	Yeth, mathter! (Exit, pursued by TD Gendt, M Bouet & T Roosen)
N Boulting:	On the electric telephone, G Thomas! G Thomas?
G Thomas:	O hai! Tour ov BRITAIN? Cardiff! Pub?
Omnes:	Pub!
	Exeunt omnes…
T Katusha:	R Hollenstein! Stop those pigeons!
R Hollenstein:	Who, me?
T Katusha:	Yes, u!
R Hollenstein:	Couldn’t u have told me this twenty minutes ago?
T Katusha:	We’re telling u now! Off u fck!
R Hollenstein:	Sometimes I hate this job!
	Later…
Bethany (7):	o hai looks liek another 1 ov them transitional things txt me if ne thing happens ect ect sa hi 2 g thomas 4 us mi bff 5 sez hes reely style lol xXx bthny
G Thomas:	I’ll be safe in teh pub. Won’t I?
	Laterer…
EC Boardman:	O hai! I am TV's Evil C Boardman, and he who would cross teh Bridge of Death Pont du Carrousel must answer me these questions three ere teh other side he see! What is ur name?
N Boulting:	O hai! I am TV's *** Boulting!
EC Boardman:	What is ur quest?
N Boulting:	I seek, er, teh Enlightenment via Expense-Account Lunches!
EC Boardman:	WHAT… is teh definition ov a HAMLET!
N Boulting:	I haz no ideAAARRRGGGH!
EC Boardman:	And so perish all enemies ov teh Queen!
	Meanwhile…
M Smith:	O hai! TV’s M Smith here, and TV’s P York. P York, knowledge us!
P York:	Iz SD Millar still sulking?
N Boulting:	No. No, he is not. Because he’s asleep. Agane.
P York:	I do hope no-one thinks we’re related!
M Smith:	Swimming pools?
P York:	No-one in them, or even next 2 them. WTF?
Omnes:	With those TV helichopters sticking their long-range cameras up ur nose?
P York:	A good point, well-made.
M Smith:	Perhaps they are watching teh Tour?
Omnes:	Shut! Up!
1964flyingscot:	Radio?
P York:	Video!
M Smith:	Boogie with a suitcase!
Omnes:	Get! Out!
	After nothing happened…
N Boulting:	O hai, M Cavendish! Bored yet!
M Cavendish:	Eeeee, yer a right borin’ little tit, our ***!
TP Fairy:	O hai! Remember me, TP Fairy, teh one who maeks gammon-faced pig botherer D Cameron look liek Sir D Attenborough?
T Roosen:	Go! Away!
TP Fairy:	Shan’t! Stab, stabbity, stabEEEE!
T Roosen:	U git, TP Fairy!
	After teh first hill…
Bethany (7):	Any excitement yet?
SD Millar:	Not a lot. Oh, M Kitteh haz been dropped by teh pelican!
M Kitteh:	Come back and fight, u windy militants! Also, miaow!
S Cummings:	O hai! I may just hav bided too much tiem. Oops!
N Boulting:	TD Gendt, PT Voeckler!
SD Millar:	M Kitteh, S Cummings!
	On teh second hill…
M Bouet:	Bai!
R Hollenstein:	This ^^^^. Sometimes I wish I’d stayed a sparky!
M Kitteh:	Noes! Dropped agane! Miaow and, moreover, FFS!
	At last orders…
PT Voeckler:	U utter git, TD Gendt!
TD Gendt:	Catch me if u can lol!!1!
	At closing time…
TD Gendt:	Arse!
	After teh last bus...
M Matthews:	Yay! MOAR snottypoints 4 meeeeee!
GV Avermaet:	I told u, ***! Wnkr!
F Aru:	Aroooooooh, er, bugger!
C Froome:	O hai, F Aru! I believe that iz mi shinyjumper!
Bethany (7):	That’s put teh kitteh among teh pigeons, eh?
M Kitteh:	Wha’evs and, moreover, miaow!

[citoyen]

More top-notch awareness and tactics by Team Sky.

Because they treated it like it was a bike race?

Seems to me more like ineptitude on Aru's part than genius on Sky's.

[Veloman]

Ouch.

“He just didn’t stay on my wheel so it’s hard to keep him at the front,” Aru’s Astana teammate Michael Valgren said.

“It was kind of a lottery to be at the front, I don’t know what happened to Fabio to be honest.”

http://www.velonews.com/stages/2017-tour-de-france-stage-14

Interesting to consider finish times for the respective teams.

Sky
0.01" Froome
0.15" Landa
0.20" Henao
1.15" Nieve
1.59" Kwiatkowski
3.19" Kiryienka
6.28" Rowe
13.17 Knees

Astana
0.25" Aru
1.14" Zeits
2.18" Valgren
6.28" Lutsenko
13.17" Grivko
13.17" Kozhatayev
13.17" Gruzdev

(Only 2 other riders finished outside 13.17")

Which suggests Aru lacked the team support that Froome has.  Might not be important when a long mountain stage is in play and they are just down to the GC riders where Aru can well cope without his team, but on a stage like today there was a clear need for the team to be protecting the GC man.  Why Astana or just Aru did not stick to the wheels of Sky is beyond most people.  Unless Aru was really suffering and had borrowed the legs Froome had on Stage 11 on Wednesday and Valgren might be suggesting that (or covering Aru's team for not looking after their leader).  Although Froome's legs were suffering following prolonged climbing after a very tough stage and not the relatively benign terrain of today during which quite a lot of riders coped admirably well who were well out of the picture on Stage 11.

[Exit Stage Left]

It was nice to see Vin Denson on the ITV4 highlights. I can remember riding a 50 with him in the field in the late 1990s. Some good anecdotes from him.