TdeF 2017

[Veloman]

Gripping stage today.

Any idea what the nature of Froome’s mechanical was? At first I thought it was a bike swap but I see from the highlights that it was a rear wheel swap.

Puncture. At least that what was said during interview. Hence why he was having difficulty staying with the group.  Had it have been a real 'mechanical' (such as mech or shifters) he would not have swapped wheels to solve problem.  Might. Had a spoke problem but I doubt it.

Things had been going perfectly, I broke a spoke and the wheel wasn’t straight any more. We changed the wheel as fast as we could,

Sky need to follow YACF to see who to use to get their wheels built!  Had a spoke break in a wheel built by *****? and it was still running almost perfectly.  Those factory built wheels eh!

[Samuel D]

O hai!  P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz^TM® Daily TdF Fake News has been delayed coz [excuses]

I want a refund NOW!

[Jaded]

Things had been going perfectly, I broke a spoke and the wheel wasn’t straight any more. We changed the wheel as fast as we could,

Thanks!

Hang on. A few years ago the deal was rounder wheels, according to Baldy Brailsford. Now they want wheels that stay straight. It's a right old puzzle.

Straight wheels and gay adverts. It's a heady mix.

[Mr Larrington]

I remember Gaye Advert

(Has moment)

[spesh]

You're so Money Supermarket.

[Mr Larrington]

Stage 15: Laissac-Sévérac L'Eglise->Le Puy-En-Velay

Bethany (7):	o hai off round 2 5s agane coz i xspec mi mumll be inna fowl mood agane when she wakes up f aru wot woz that all about eh wot u rekn 1st cat 30 k from finish r bardet if onli cp sagan was ere sa hi 2 g thomas l8rs xXx bthny
G Thomas:	Is it safe?
Omnes:	Ooh, hark @ Laurence Olivier lol!
G Thomas:	Noes, I mean “Is it safe 4 me 2 come out ov teh pub yet?”
Omnes:	U scared ov teh little gurlz, G Thomas roffle? Thort u woz hard!
G Thomas:	Fck off, u gits!
Bethany (7):	Get tae fck, u patronising apes! I don’t pla ur macho power games!
G Thomas:	C wot I mean?
G Imlach:	O hai! Careless talk costs lives, G Thomas! Difficult stage 2 call?
NC Boardman:	O hai! F Aru, tactics. Rubbish! Not R Bardet 2da thobut.
C Prudhomme:	Release teh bats!
Omnes:	U wot?
N Boulting:	O hai! That was a bit previous, C Prudhomme!
SD Millar:	O hai! W Barguil at it agane!
N Boulting:	M Matthews? Snottyjumper?
SD Millar:	No. Yes. Ructions in teh break. Will they? Or not?
N Boulting:	Reboot!
SD Millar:	GV Avermaet!
GV Avermaet:	Shut! Up! FFS…
A Contador:	Minionth! Theize them! Thwow them 2 teh floor!
TT Segafredo:	Who, us?
A Contador:	Yes, u!
B Mollema:	Sometimes I hate this job!
W Barguil:	Pish 2 thee, Spaignish cur!
Bethany (7):	Yay 4 W Barguil!
T $ky:	We don’t think so, A Contador!
	Stasis…
M Smith:	…G Thomas… not with us today… pub possibly involved…
5:	Awwwww!
D Hutch:	…M Matthews… M Kitteh… snottyjumper… CP Sagan…
M Kitteh:	Go! Away! Also, miaow!
D Friebe:	O hai! And o hai 2 USAnian 4mer president ov vice J Kerry!
J Kerry:	(Coherent and sensible answers)
	In a while…
N Boulting:	Sprint sprint sprintEEEE soon! I see TV’s Nice C Boardman haz returned from hiz afternoon nap! Will teh T Quickstep rider in teh break do teh unmentionable on M Matthews’ chips?
NC Boardman:	No. No, he will not. Because there isn’t one!
N Boulting:	I, um, er, F Aru?
NC Boardman:	Astana. Useless berks. They had one job!
T $ky:	LOL @ TEAM DA-LEK!
M Matthews:	Yay! MOAR snottypoints 4 meeeeee! & LOL @ M Kitteh!
M Kitteh:
N Boulting:	So, Super D Millar, now u has woked up from ur afternoon nap, informationise us!
SD Millar:	Sunweb! TD Gendt! S Calamityjane!
L Calamityjane:	Did he call me “Sue” again! I will kill u, SD Millar! Kill u utterly 2 DETH!
SD Millar:	(Whistles innocently)
N Boulting:	So. Santiago de Compostheap!
SD Millar:	Compostela!
N Boulting:	Yes, that as well. Beast ov Gévaudan! Wolf, gangsta rapper, dog, serial killer, wolfdog, rabid puffin, hyæna, J Alaphilippe with a strop on? Giant stoat, lion, TD Gendt? Or wot?
Bethany’s Mum:	Strap-on? U filfy fukrs! An’ wot ‘ave u preverts dun wif mi dor’er?
N Boulting:	Jacques Prévert?
5’s Mummy:	It’s awl Air-Kay, Ms de Sade! Bethany is at air hoyse. Eating a kumquat!
Bethany (7):	Om nom nom nom! Ooh, mi toof’s come out!
TP Fairy:	Not in mi job description. Soz.
SD Millar:	(Improvising desperately…) Werewolf!
F Aru:	Arooooooo! Better stay away from me! I’ll rip ur lungs out, ***!
Omnes:	Roffle!!1! U couldn’t rip ur way thru teh wet paper bag!
	Soon…
N Boulting:	Look, see, T Martin iz doning an attack! Curse u, T Martin, 4 spoiling mi Barghest/Barguil joak funneh comedy gag!
SD Millar:	Don’t get it, ***!
N Boulting:	U mean u haz not read Prof Larrington’s bok “Land Ov Teh Green Man”, now1 available in papperbok and endorsed by literature’s N Gaiman?
SD Millar:	No. No, I haz not.
Omnes:	U Palestinian Philistine, Super D!
T Martin:	O hai and, moreover, wha-hey!
	Meanwhile…
R Bardet:	Right, get ‘em, lads!
T AG2R:	Yeth, mathter!
F Aru:	Arooooooo! Mind if I join u?
A Contador:	I, A Contador, will also haz some ov that!
C Froome:	Yoicks!
T Gremlin2:	O hai, C Froome! C mi Snippity Things ov Doom? Ka-pinngggg! LOL!
C Froome:	FFS! Where mi team gone? Outtathaway, u sloboyz!
	Meanwhile…
W Barguil:	O hai, T Martin!
T Martin:	Piss!
Bethany (7):	\o/ Yay 4 W Barguil!
	Meanwhile…
L France:	BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
C Froome:	Fck off!
M Landa:	On me ’ead wheel, son!
C Froome:	Ta!
R Bardet:	WTF! I killed u utterly 2 DETH!
N Quintana:	(From a long way away…) U killed mi father! Prepare 2… bugger!
	Meanwhile…
B Mollema:	C me & mi aerosnout fck off!
W Barguil:	Not if I haz a sa in things!
	Meanwhile…
S Yates:	I, er, arse!
D Martin:	Mi turn! Oh!
M Landa:	Oh no u don’t, sonny! (Aside) I want MOAR money 4 this job!
D Martin:	O RLY?
	Enfin…
B Mollema:	\o/ Aero roolz!
	Enfin part deux…
D Martin:	Yay! Thx, S Geschke & ur hipsta beard!
C Froome:	Yay! Thx, M Landa!
R Bardet:	WTF! Seven fukn domestiques and I still can’t drop C Froome! U useless fukn basket cases! Get out ov mi site3!
Bethany (7):	Wowsa! That was worth staying in 4!

• If not now then imminently
• TP Fairy’s mechanically-minded cousin
• May contain Lie or traces ov Lie

[fd3]

It makes me think back to the Vuelta route where Movistar blew up Dumoulin in the penultimate day.  AG2R got 90% there but then played it safe, had they gone all-out once Landa dropped back there could have been a breakaway of GC favorites who would have been well served to work together to distance Landa and Froome.
I think that was AG2R's chance and I don't think that anyone else can take the Tour to Froome.  It's all done bar the shouting now.

[T42]

Tend to agree. Bardet could still stick it to Aru, though.

[Mr Larrington]

Flat tomorrow and Friday, Alps in between and not a huge margin over Aru, Bardet and Urán.  $ky will need to keep on their toes, especially if it gets windy on the flat stages.  Which is not unknown in that part of la belle France.

Oh, and a suitable sacrifice made to appease TP Fairy.

[cameronp]

Thank you Mr L for your hilarious race recaps! Here in the antipodes we don't have Mr Boulting, Mr Millar or even the nice Mr Boardman, but that just adds to the slightly surreal nature of your posts.

[ScumOfTheRoad]

Indeed cameronp.  Here in the Netherlands we have the 'Tour Du Jour' show every night https://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tour_du_Jour
In which  various pundits sit around discussing the days events on the Tour and quaffing glasses of the sponsors product - Leffe beer. I swear that they get more slurred as the evening goes on.  I don't understand a word to be honest.
One of the pundits would provoke sime humour in M. Larringtons commentary https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Boogerd
M. Boogerd is always resplendent in golden curls and a snazzy polo shirt, and glass of Leffe not far away.

[citoyen]

Tim Wellens has pulled out of the Tour rather than apply for a TUE for medical treatment for an illness...

http://www.cyclingweekly.com/news/racing/tour-de-france/tim-wellens-refuses-tue-treat-illness-abandons-tour-de-france-342198

Shame for him, but it makes for a great story about refreshing attitudes in the rising young stars of the sport.

[T42]

Thank you Mr L for your hilarious race recaps! Here in the antipodes we don't have Mr Boulting, Mr Millar or even the nice Mr Boardman, but that just adds to the slightly surreal nature of your posts.

Indeed. SD Millar & NC Boardman I know, but the only Boulting I have come across was Sir Ichabod of that ilk in a book called "A Funny Thing Happened" (ages 7 to 9) that I lost track of before Gagarin Sputnik 1 went up.

A while ago I tried to explain l33t to Mrs. T42. She wanted to know why on earth anyone would... Oh well.   But then, she doesn't ride a bike.

[Mr Larrington]

*** Boulting used to do roving reporting for the BRITONS' TV in the days of Donald & Mickey Phil & Paul and from what he's let slip in recent days has actually been covering the Tour for about 15 years.  Thus, in spite of P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz^TM® being beastly to him 4 teh lulz, he does have some claim to know what he's talking about.  Natch the tactical analysis and strategic vision of Bethany (7) puts them all to shame, though.

[citoyen]

Thus, in spite of P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz^TM® being beastly to him 4 teh lulz, he does have some claim to know what he's talking about.

'Ned's made a big difference because he's just discovered cycling in the last 10 years. It's like going round France with a big kid. We see a mountain and it's like, "Can we ride up it? Can we?" ... He's curious and he's a good reporter, so he asks good questions. And his questions represent a big chunk of the viewing public at home, because a bit like Wimbledon, the Tour de France is probably the only race of the year that transcends the sport. The audience is a very broad church.'
- NC Boardmen, in an interview with yours truly last year

I remember when Ned first started on the Tour, he was absolutely clueless. But I like him. He's proof that being good at your job is about a lot more than having an intricate knowledge of the subject. And he has picked up a few things over the last 10 years. Or even the last 15 years.

[bobb]

I'm actually starting to dislike N Boulting a bit. He just comes across as impossibly smug....

[Mr Larrington]

For the avoidance of doubt, we at PP^TM think *** and Super D represent a great leap forward from their predecessors.  Except Bethany (7), who's too young to have been traumatised by Messrs Liggett & Sherwen

[Mr Larrington]

Second Rest Day

G Imlach:	French as a baguette, changing yet changeless as canal water, nestling in green nowhere, armoured and effete, feudal, still-reactionary Tour de France…
Omnes:	U nicked that off ov V Stanshall!
G Imlach:	Chiz curses foiled agane!
Bethany (7):	o hai ur rest day prog betta be gude and havs teh funy wif niec c boardman an *** or 5 sez her dad wil su u utterly 2 DETH teh so-called “toofairy” neva caem 4 my toof last nite plz 2 humle8 embrass shehm annoy mi mum on teh lyv tv thx xXx bthny
G Imlach:	O hai! So after a week in which C Froome has lost teh shinyjumper, regained teh shinyjumper and come perilously close 2 losing teh shinyjumper again, we asked some highly-qualified experts, and TV’s *** Boulting, 4 their op!ons as 2 whether he can keep teh shinyjumper all teh way 2 Paris!
N Boulting:	How do u know that inside me, TV’s *** Boulting, there’s not a highly-qualified expert trying 2 get out?
G Imlach:	Say “Aaaaaah” & I’ll look 4 him! Ba-dum, tish!
Omnes:	G Imlach: ur made ov teh FAIL. Plz 2 leave teh bunker!
G Imlach:	OK, u win, race summary instead…
SD Millar & N Boulting:	M Kitteh, TEAM AS-TA-NA, M Kitteh, T $ky, A Contador, C Froome, F Aru, R Bardet, W Barguil, C Froome & M Kitteh!
M Kitteh:	Miaow!
R Urán:	Oi! Wot about me?
N Boulting:	M Landa? Spaniard in teh works? lol!
Omnes:	And u stole that off ov J Lennon!
N Boulting:	Piss!
D Friebe:	O hai! C Froome, tell us Stuffs!
C Froome:	Blah blah team blah blah blah legs blah blah R Urán blah!
M Rendall:	Eu holã! R Bardet!
R Bardet:	Blah team blah blah F Aru blah C Froome blah blah D Martin blah R Urán!
Omnes:	Y u not got teh juniorshinyjumper, R Bardet? U look about 12 lol!!1!
R Bardet:	Fck off, u spotty Ingleesh types! I haz a degree! U lot doan look liek u even got a temperature!
Omnes:	Yoicks! That’s us told!
M Rendall:	Octopus pro diem D Martin exjecto? Alto Manni comme cockadoodleping! Boink!
D Martin:	Yes, it hurts. 4 sure. R Urán. Galibier. C Froome! 4 sure. (Aside) What did he just say?
R Urán:	That’s MOAR liek it!
D Friebe:	Transfer market. Blah. M Kitteh, hair. M Landa. SD Brailsford. Rumour McRumourbungle. Lots ov blah, signifying 0.
G Imlach:	NC Boardman, baffle us with unwritten roolz!
NC Boardman:	O hai! Black, white, fifty shades ov teal! V Nibbles boo! F Aru boo! It’s a load ov old t00t!
SD Millar:	Mi fantasy team iz…
Omnes:	Hat! Hat! SD Millar haz teh poncy straw hat! There, on teh table! Hat!
SD Millar:	Ur all gay! C me & *** play teh goat!
Omnes:	Another hat! Gr8 poncy blue & white flat cap! U look liek a X between TV’s F Dibnah & a butcher’s apron!
SD Millar:	Fck! Off!
G Imlach:	Cut! CUT!!1! R Gilmore, quick! La Course!
R Gilmore:	L Deignan, M Vos, AV Vleuten! Climb, time-trial!
G Imlach:	Still a bit poor but less so.
Bethany (7):	Wot G Imlach said!
G Imlach:	So, final week!
NC Boardman:	C Froome 2 win, unless he doesn’t.
G Imlach:	Thx, Nice C! (Aside…) Idiot!
Bethany (7):	Oi! G Imlach! Wot about mi mum?
G Imlach:	Ask…
	Roll end credits…

[TheLurker]

I remember when Ned first started on the Tour, he was absolutely clueless.

Yeah, but he got a good book out of his initial cluelessness.  Not such a daftie, eh?

[Mrs Pingu]

Is it just me or does R Bardet look like an urchin that gets shoved up chimneys for sport?
<yes this should prolly be in the signs you are middle aged thread>

[Pingu]

Things had been going perfectly, I broke a spoke and the wheel wasn’t straight any more. We changed the wheel as fast as we could,

Thanks!

He was lucky he didn't try GV Avermaet* for a new spoke :-p







*"His" shop in Belgium** failed to provide me with one last month





**The staff were very nice and tried to help, thobut.

[cameronp]

For the avoidance of doubt, we at PP^TM think *** and Super D represent a great leap forward from their predecessors.  Except Bethany (7), who's too young to have been traumatised by Messrs Liggett & Sherwen

Interesting - this is the first year in a long time where the Aussie coverage hasn't been the Phil'n'Paul show and the general consensus here is "bring the old boys back". This year we've got the brand new team of R McEwen and M Keenan. I reckon they're fine but they don't have Liggett's colourful turn of phrase and a few creative attempts at French pronunciation. I'm pretty sure I heard Keenan mention a "horse category" climb the other day! *cry*

[mattc]

La Gilmore also mentioned "horse category" in her preview piece last night. She butchered several other well-known French cycling terms too!

[Mr Larrington]

The crowning moment of P Liggett's colemantating career was the time he pronounced Andreas Klöden's surname three different ways during a single sentence

[T42]

Second Rest Day

R Bardet:

Fck off, u spotty Ingleesh types! I haz a degree! U lot doan look liek u even got a temperature!

A glorified MBA? Psawh! No wonder you're a cyclist.

For the avoidance of doubt, we at PP^TM think *** and Super D represent a great leap forward from their predecessors.  Except Bethany (7), who's too young to have been traumatised by Messrs Liggett & Sherwen

Looked him up, skimmed his bit in the Telegraph. Glad I didn't know the predecessors.