Author Topic: TdeF 2017  (Read 95527 times)

Wascally Weasel

  • Slayer of Dragons and killer of threads.
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #675 on: 21 July, 2017, 12:21:58 am »
*dies happy after being immortalised on the pages of PP*


T42

  • Apprentice geezer
I've dusted off all those old bottles and set them up straight

Torslanda

  • Professional Gobshite
  • Just a tart for retro kit . . .
    • John's Bikes
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #677 on: 21 July, 2017, 09:33:11 am »
So this La Course thing. It's totally almost exactly the same as TdF, run over the same roadz 'n evryfink but 's only two stages cuz it's for GURLZ...?

I'll be hiding behind the counter in the shop. Did I just type that...??!?







Banjo: Our Mam sedd 'No hittin gurlz...' [Enuff! My office, Monday morning! Woof, woof, yer fired...]
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

Mr Larrington

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Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #678 on: 21 July, 2017, 09:59:49 am »
When she wasn't hiding her l'Etape-riding exploits under a bushel, TV's R Gilmore banged on at some length about being short-changed over the ride distance before opining that a lot of the riders would have been glad1 that the race was only 67 km.  I did not know whether to laugh, cry or ask Jarlin J Jarlinsson2 to introduce her to El Mjölñiro.  Also limiting what Wor Lizzie so eloquently referred to as "The Thing" to the top 20 finishers or those within five minutes of the winner rankles a bit.  Shovel them down the ramp ASAP and let's be done with them, eh, M Prudhomme?

1: I should like to ask them myself, but that pesky restraining order still applies in France
2: I expect he has A Thing of his own about ladies with horned helmets and heavy metal breastplates.  Be concerned, Mr Torslanda, if he ever rocks up at your shop.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Torslanda

  • Professional Gobshite
  • Just a tart for retro kit . . .
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Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #679 on: 21 July, 2017, 10:22:25 am »
Roffle!  ;D
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

mattc

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Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #680 on: 21 July, 2017, 10:36:18 am »
Has this "pursuit-style" format been used before at elite level? Are the women a bunch of guinea-pigs for this?


[I can see why they might limit the field size - the logistics could be a pain-in-the-arse with irregular start-times. /touradvocate ]
Has never ridden RAAM
---------
No.11  Because of the great host of those who dislike the least appearance of "swank " when they travel the roads and lanes. - From Kuklos' 39 Articles

Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #681 on: 21 July, 2017, 11:08:05 am »
Has this "pursuit-style" format been used before at elite level? Are the women a bunch of guinea-pigs for this?
I don't know how it will work, but I hope that it will not translate as phased starts for the riders, with those who drew out a 45 second lead in the mountains getting a 45 second lead on the flats on the next stage.
"well done for all that hard work, you now get an insignificant advantage on a pack of riders"
simplicity, truth, equality, peace

citoyen

  • Occasionally rides a bike
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #682 on: 21 July, 2017, 11:12:52 am »
[I can see why they might limit the field size - the logistics could be a pain-in-the-arse with irregular start-times. /touradvocate ]

Tbh, I don't see much point bothering with more than the top 10 riders anyway. Over a 22km course with the time gaps as they are, only a few riders are realistically in with a shout of winning. The last rider is setting off 5 minutes behind Van Vleuten. What's the point?

On paper, it sounds like a preposterous format, but it could make for an interesting spectacle. We'll see.
"The future's all yours, you lousy bicycles."

citoyen

  • Occasionally rides a bike
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #683 on: 21 July, 2017, 11:16:17 am »
"well done for all that hard work, you now get an insignificant advantage on a pack of riders"

It won't be a pack though, it will be individual riders setting off at erratic intervals.

Time gaps for riders 2-10 are:
0:43
1:23
1:28
1:33
1:41
1:51
2:24
2:52
3:04

"The future's all yours, you lousy bicycles."

Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #684 on: 21 July, 2017, 11:20:05 am »
Has this "pursuit-style" format been used before at elite level? Are the women a bunch of guinea-pigs for this?


[I can see why they might limit the field size - the logistics could be a pain-in-the-arse with irregular start-times. /touradvocate ]

The weekend after the giro it was experimented with an event in my region, a lot of World Tour teams particdipated.

LittleWheelsandBig

  • Whimsy Rider
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #685 on: 21 July, 2017, 11:22:06 am »
As someone who has raced plenty of handcaps on road and track, riders 2, 3 and 4 (in that list) should definitely have a chat before starting, to arrange working together quite quickly. Riders 9 and 10 should talk to each other too. Pre-arranged groups shouldn't get too big because the prizemoney has to be split too many ways.
Wheel meet again, don't know where, don't know when...

Pingu

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Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #686 on: 21 July, 2017, 11:25:01 am »
The ones in front can always soft-pedal and wait for a group to form if they fancy a sprint.

citoyen

  • Occasionally rides a bike
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #687 on: 21 July, 2017, 11:34:00 am »
As someone who has raced plenty of handcaps on road and track, riders 2, 3 and 4 should definitely have a chat before starting

Riders 2 and 4 are teammates, which should make that conversation a little easier.
"The future's all yours, you lousy bicycles."

Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #688 on: 21 July, 2017, 11:39:30 am »
Handicaps are popular in Australia.
https://cyclingtips.com/2009/05/australian-handicap-races/

I have a memory of reading that the North Road club ran handicaps in the 1880s, as a way of providing a spectacle at the finish, while pretending that it wasn't a race.

Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #689 on: 21 July, 2017, 11:58:47 am »
The 'pursuit' style works pretty well for running races (longish ones that is) as there is no slipstreaming advantage. In cycling, where slipstreaming is very significant, it seems like a pretty bad idea.

mattc

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Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #690 on: 21 July, 2017, 12:06:15 pm »
As someone who has raced plenty of handcaps on road and track,

I said "at ELITE level" Dave!


;)
Has never ridden RAAM
---------
No.11  Because of the great host of those who dislike the least appearance of "swank " when they travel the roads and lanes. - From Kuklos' 39 Articles

Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #691 on: 21 July, 2017, 12:27:40 pm »
It seems like an individual version of this:
http://www.velon.cc/en/news/2017/02/introducing-the-hammer-series

LittleWheelsandBig

  • Whimsy Rider
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #692 on: 21 July, 2017, 12:55:27 pm »
I raced against national team members and overseas professionals in several of those handicaps. The idea of handicaps is that riders with a range of abilities compete on a roughly equal footing.
Wheel meet again, don't know where, don't know when...

Mr Larrington

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Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #693 on: 21 July, 2017, 05:36:02 pm »
Stage 19: Embrun->Salon-De-Provence

Bethany (7):mum mum wots orl dis bout u &… [FX: Slap (fortissimo)]
Bethany (7):(Starts crying)
Bethany’s Mum:I tole u! I fukn tole u abaht torkin’ 2 strangerz! I’ll give u sumfing 2 cry abaht, u nosy little ho! I wish I’d never’ad u! Nah fck off 2 skool!
Bethany (7):It’s teh holibobz! Going 2 5’s… (Aside…) Fukn c-o-w!
[…]
G Imlach:O hai! It iz I, TV’s G Imlach, quipster par excellence! Spare a thort 4 teh 3 rubbish climbs on 2da’s stage, rendered non-elephant by W Barguil, may his House be Free from Tigers! Knicker-gripping stuff yesterday, right kids?
C Froome:Blah blah M Landa blah R Urán blah blah R Bardet blah time trial. Blah.
G Imlach:T Sunweb!
M Matthews:Yay! Snottyjumper!
CP Sagan:Gertcha!
G Imlach:Break? Sprint? Loonie?
NC Boardman:T Sunweb. M Matthews.
G Imlach:B-Dog. A Greipel?
Omnes:MUNKEH!!1!
[…]
N Boulting:O hai! Guess it’s going 2 be MOAR châteaux, churches and lunch 2da!
SD Millar:O hai! Shall I talk about hydro-electrickery?
N Boulting:Not if u want 2 live!
SD Millar:Today’s word iz “opportunity”. OPP-OT-TU-NI-TY! Game theory!
N Boulting:Who would begrudge B-Dog a win 2da?
M Matthews:Me 4 starters!
A Greipel:Me 2!
Omnes:MUNKEH!!1!
[…]
N Boulting:Ur l8 agane, C Prudhomme!
C Prudhomme:OK! Off u fck! PT Voeckler, la France expects ect ect!
PT Voeckler:Nah!
S Cummings:Bide, bide, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
N Boulting:Bridge!
C Lion:w00t!
[…]
5’s Mummy:Air hellay, Bethany! Good heavens, what on earth happened 2 u?
Bethany (7):Walktinnaradormissispoulidorfanshaw…
5’s Mummy:Syrah!
5:Air hellay Mummy o hai bef’ny! Mai poney haz swallowed hiz bit, Mummy, and Ai cannot find teh spanner!
5’s Mummy:Not agane, dahling! Ai suppose Ai’ll have 2 Get A Man In!
5:Soooooper! OK, bef’ny, lessgo watch teh Tour! Can we take some kumquats, Mummy?
[…]
N Boulting:Dam! Very big! SCIENCE figures concrete and clay!
SD Millar:Ur numbers, ***, they mean nothing 2 me!
Omnes:Oh Vienna LOL!
SD Millar:(Sulks)
N Blackwell:(Sings) Midge Ure, looks liek a milk thief!
SD Millar:Team classification! T $ky!
N Boulting:Break. Broken. PT Voeckler? TD Gendt?
[…]
N Boulting:Big break! Usual suspects! w00t!
SD Millar:Teh winner iz in teh break because I, TV’s Super D Millar, say so! Snottyjumper Australia E Zabel!
[An awful lot l8r…]
N Boulting:Salade Niçoise! What did u have 4 lunch, TV’s Nice C Boardman?
NC Boardman:Can’t remember!
N Boulting:Last climb. Launchpaddy1!
Omnes:R Porte on D Martin? Irish space programme roffle?
Bethany (7):That was rubbish!
N Boulting:Shut! Up! Wind!
NC Boardman:Thunderstorm?
N Boulting:B-Dog! La Thing?
NC Boardman:Yes. No. Bugadifino!
T Things:Oi!
[…]
N Boulting:Provence! Très Provençy2! And now TV’s M Rendall will baffle us with cabbages and rhinoceroses in teh kitchen and incessant quotations from "Now We Are Six" through teh mouthpiece ov Lord Snooty's giant poisoned electric head! 4 all teh sense anyone can make ov it.
M Rendall:O hai! Frecce Tricolore Pavarotti! Whoooosh!
N Boulting:Not in 1903 though!
M Rendall:Nyet! Caramba son Frank Whittle der Futuroscope! Bagot-Mazurie! Fandabbidozi, Fandabbisneezy, Wünderschönigrumpy! Bashful Nostradamus B-Dog sieg aujour d’hui. Punque stein bouzouki elettro! Bai!
SD Millar:Has he gone yet?
N Boulting:Alliance in break? Break off break? Race within race. Wheels within wheels. B-Dog?
GV Avermaet:Don’t listen 2 those idiots, B-Dog!
[After an interminable amount ov sod-all…]
TD Gendt:White line fever! Snottypoints!
N Boulting:Rabies!
SD Millar:Puppy-dog! Back 2 slepe 4 me!
[…]
Omnes:Oooh! Hullo clouds, hullo sky! Rain? C Boardmen!
NC Boardman:ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
EC Boardman:Oh, I do hope so!
[After ML Maire’s afternoon nap…]
SD Millar:B Swift!
N Boulting:Everyone else in teh break! B-Dog! B Mollema long range!
SD Millar:B-Dog. S Calamityjane?
L Calamityjane:Did he call me Len “Sue” again? U better kepe out ov dark alleys, SD Millar!
T Moviestar:Lights, camera, action! Tiem 4 our close-up!
B-Dog:O hai! I don’t think so. Woof woof! Sausages!
SD Millar:Look, see, teh break iz b0rked! TD Gendt! J Bakelite!
Omnes:Wnkr!
Bethany (7):Fukn wnkr!
(Dicking about…)
N Arndt:Ur turn, whoever iz behind m… oh! Piss!
B-Dog:\o/ Waiting 4 teh sprint iz 4 teh kittehs roffle! Sausages!
M Kitteh (via Instabook):I heard that! Also, miaow!
N Arndt:U utter GIT, EB Hagen!
Bethany (7):Swings & roundabouts LOL!!1!

  • Yes, he really did say that
  • Yes, he really did say that
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

citoyen

  • Occasionally rides a bike
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #694 on: 21 July, 2017, 05:37:51 pm »
Bethany (7):Swings & roundabouts LOL!!1!

Now that's what I call a pay-off line!  ;D
"The future's all yours, you lousy bicycles."

Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #695 on: 21 July, 2017, 05:52:45 pm »
Serendipity, or well-planned?

The same goes for Higgs Boson and Arndt. ;)
"He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." ~ Freidrich Neitzsche

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
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Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #696 on: 21 July, 2017, 06:42:48 pm »
I'm sure Vsquared's team of crack brainiacs will find out for us whether Arndt & Higgs Boson checked the map or were just spawny gits but Higgs Boson would probably have won anyway.

ETA: both Arndt & Higgs Boson said their "keep right" antics were deliberate.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #697 on: 22 July, 2017, 01:35:47 pm »
La Thing Course: Part Deux

Bethany (7):Still not interested!
5:Also still not interested!
R Gilmore:O hai! How I wish I could have u 2 shot!
ML Maire:I wish u could haz U2 shot also! Ba-dum tish!!1!
[…]
G Imlach:O hai! It iz I, TV’s G Imlach, so laden with les blagues that I haz difficulty getting out ov bed! La Thing: not a tiem-trial. Tiem-trial course. No tiem-trial bieks. Ect. TV’s S Connolly & R Gilmore!
S Connolly:O hai & …
R Gilmore:O hai! AV Vleuten! One ov teh best tiem-triallists in teh wurrrlld!
S Connolly:And that…
R Gilmore:L Deignan! Will she wait 4 E Lamborghini & M Guarnier? AV Vleuten iz 1 ov teh bestest tiem-triallists in teh wurrrlld!
S Connolly:And…
L Deignan:O hai! I am L Deignan and I am made ov teh Win! But not so much win that I can catch AV Vleuten by miself! C me bide mi tiem until E Lamborghini & M Guarnier rock up!
E Lamborghini & M Guarnier:O hai, L Deignan! Shall we dance?
R Gilmore:C them chase AV Vleuten who iz 1 ov teh bestest tiem-triallists in teh wurrrlld!
Bethany (7):FFS, C Prudhomme! Y u not show all teh riders starting? I, Bethany (7), will kick u in teh nutz given ½ teh chance!
S Connolly:I… Tiem 4 shitverts!
Bethany (7):FFS, Vsquared!
[…]
S Connolly:I…
M Guarnier:FFS, L Deignan, mi so-called “team-mate”! U haz killed me utterly 2 DETH! Agane!
R Gilmore:I think it will be hard 4 L Deignan & E Lamborghini 2 catch AV Vleuten who iz 1 ov teh bestest tiem-triallists in teh wurrrlld!
Omnes:O RLY!
AV Vleuten:Yes. Yes, I am!
S Connolly:.
R Gilmore:AV Vleuten will now win La Thing because a) she iz 1 ov teh bestest tiem-triallists in teh wurrrlld b) she iz 1 ov teh bestest climbers in teh wurrrlld c) I, TV’s R Gilmore say so.
AV Vleuten:Win: I haz it!
L Deignan:Piss. Still, 2nd iz better than being nibbled utterly to DETH by an okapi, right kids?
E Lamborghini:Arse!
S Connolly: I, er, MOAR shitverts!
[…]
AV Vleuten:Verry ‘appy!
L Deignan:Teh format needs some, er work. (Aside…) With a boat and 2 sacks ov cement!
R Gilmore:w00t! Xitintoday or wot?
Bethany (7):No, R Gilmore. No, it was not. It was teh badly-televised waste ov tiem and C Prudhomme and hiz homies should be ashamed ov themselves! These women are serious professional cyclists, not teh performing munkehs! Teh crit in Paris: better, or would be if ur TV director pointed teh cameraz @ teh riders & not @ teh scenery! C Prudhomme, u better maek sure u wear teh criket box if u ever meet me >:(
R Gilmore:I…
Bethany (7):And u! Shut! Up! Srsly, u capable ov keeping ur tongue still 4 MOAR than 3 seconds? FFS!
R Gilmore:I rode l’ Etape!
NC Boardman:I, TV’s Nice C Boardman, agree with Bethany (7)!
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

T42

  • Apprentice geezer
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #698 on: 22 July, 2017, 01:47:45 pm »
Missed it. :(

BTW, Team BOH is Bastard Operator from Hell, isn't it?
I've dusted off all those old bottles and set them up straight

citoyen

  • Occasionally rides a bike
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #699 on: 22 July, 2017, 02:14:32 pm »
Missed it. :(

Not much. I think the only thing we learned from that was that the format doesn't work on such a short course with the time gaps as they were.
"The future's all yours, you lousy bicycles."