NC Boardman: | T Martin! Sandpaper, saddle! Maeks mi eyes water and probably illegal! |
G Imlach: | O hai! Me agane, wot Bethany (7) said, and over 2 TV’s N Boulting & Super D Millar! |
N Boulting: | O hai! L Rowe, lanterne rouge, Marseille, isn’t it brilliant! SD Millar, iz teh climb T Martinable1? |
SD Millar: | No. No, it iz not. I, TV’s Super D Millar, hold it 2 be much MOAR C Froomey! Teh bitsteepfulness ov it iz terrific and teh descent iz scarymongoosetastic! |
N Boulting: | Iz S Cummingsworthi? |
SD Millar: | Yes. Yes, it iz. Sketchy. |
Omnes: | FFS, u 2, enuff already with teh neologisms! |
SD Millar: | “Sketchy” iz teh perfectly cromulent word! |
N Boulting: | At least it iz not raining roffle! Gears! |
SD Millar: | Rain would be altogether too lolmungous 4 everyone xept TV’s Evil C Boardman! Everyone haz teh wrong gears because I, TV’s Super D Millar, say so! |
N Boulting: | … G Bole, a Slovenian very much liek P Roglic2… |
Omnes: | |
L Rowe: | w00t! Teh hot seat! Oh! Plz can I haz a towel? Mi bum iz on fire! |
M Rendall: | O halloumi L Rowe stadio assourdissant myn stieg blong reverse gear? |
L Rowe: | O hai! W Rooney! (Aside…) What did he just say? |
G Thomas: | ‘s OK, L Rowe, u will not be there long. Come 2 teh pub when u get beat; iz my round! |
5: | (Sighs…) Oooh, he’s so yummy! |
G Thomas: | Yoicks! |
| […] |
S Cummings: | O hai! I, S Cummings, no longer liek this game! Iz hot! Plz I come 2 teh pub too, G Thomas? |
G Thomas: | Teh MOAR teh merrier! Hic! |
| […] |
SD Millar: | Teh form bok: iz nonse! |
N Boulting: | T Martin! M Bodnar! V Kiryienka! |
Omnes: | Iz V Kiryienka wearing teh V Kiryienka mask agane, *** LOL? |
N Boulting: | Fck! Off! |
M Bodnar: | O hai! I doned teh bestest tiem and u useless fckrs not put me on teh TV until last 2nd! U utter gits! |
T Martin: | Piss! |
M Bodnar: | Yay! Pwnage! |
| […] |
J Castroviejo: | WTF? 30 seconds in and I fall off? FFS! |
B-Dog: | O hai! Niec ov u 2 make me into E Higgs BOson. Not. |
PT Voeckler: | O hai! Bof! Hollywood beckons! |
M Kwiatkowski: | Arse! |
P Roglic: | Noes! Mi biek! Piss! |
S [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]anel: | O hai! I, S [“Poisonous term” – Ed.]anel, multiple tiem-trial champion ov France, am not enjoying zis vair much! Still, 17 consecutive Tours ov France, she iz not 2 be sniffed @, hein? |
Bethany’s Mum: | Sniff? U got sniff? He-lloooo, big boy! |
Bethany (7): | FFS! |
| […] |
Bethany (7): | Yay! Go W Barguil! |
A Contador: | O hai! Spaign-o? Which way plz? |
| […] |
A Contador: | Ha ha! Fooled u! Agane! Roffle! |
M Bodnar: | Yoicks! |
W Barguil: | O hai! I, W Barguil, Roi des Montagnes, sez this course iz teh suxx0r! |
N Boulting: | Juniorshinyjumper. Teh climb will favour S Yates. And L Minkies3. |
Omnes: | |
S Yates: | Yay! Teh juniorshinyjumper iz mine! |
| […] |
R Urán: | O hai! Get rich or die trying, eh? |
R Bardet: | I ATE’NT DEAD! (Dies) |
M Landa: | Wowsa! |
R Urán: | Hullo clouds hullo T $ky hullo crash barrier! Whoopsie! |
Bethany (7): | U muppet, R Urán! |
C Froome: | I C U, R Bardet! |
SD Millar: | Eeeep! |
M Landa: | Piss! TP Fairy, plz 2 attack R Bardet 2moro? A lot! |
R Bardet: | Ooog! 2 close 4 wossname, that! |
Bethany (7): | LOL @ R Bardet! |
C Froome: | Yay! |
M Bodnar: | Fck off, C Froome! Only 1 person pwned teh stage, u kno! Me. Meeeee! |
| […] |
SD Brailsford: | Vell, C Froome’s just zis guy, u kno! |
| […] |
TD Gendt: | W Barguil most aggressive rider? FFS! |
Bethany (7): | \o/ (MOAR dancing…) |
Paree. Will *** finally learn teh difference between a village and a hamlet? Can A Greipel finally win a stage? Who will Bethany (7) kick next? Will we get 2 see teh
pelican? Will S Yates emulate his brother and turn into teh mardy toddler? Tune in 2moro 4 teh final slab ov teh TdF 2017 Alternative Lies!!1! And not 2 forget teh prestigious P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz
® Awardz Sponsored by Teh Watchfinder-General’s mate P0rl from Leatherhead: “Much
betterer than teh silly old Oscraz” ~ Bethany (7).